To go on holiday without DC’s

[pitersanset]

Looking for other peoples opinions really, I have a DS from a previous relationship, he's 17, I also have a 9 yo with current partner so they're not exactly small children.

Partner wants us to go away for a few days (Thursday-Monday morn/afternoon), to somewhere in the uk, they'll be at college and school most of the time except the weekend. DS1 is sort of sensible but he does have ADHD, they get along fairly well although do have the odd bicker here and there. BIL doesn't live that fair away and has said they can go to his for their dinner but it isn't possible for them to stay due to space etc.

WIBU?

It’s a lot of responsibility to put on a 17 year old who is “ sort of sensible” .
Would you honestly relax and enjoy yourself ?

In that case OP, I'd go and have a fantastic time.

Any reason Grandma can’t come and stay at yours for the duration? That way DS1 can go out over the weekend.

They won't be out the house most of the time - most of that is the weekend. Don't kid yourself ti make it sound better. Even minus the ADHD with the most responsible person in the world that's really not suitable and im on the very relaxed side of parenting especially by mumsnet standards. Can't the 9 year old stay at your mums at least and BIL have 17 year old for tea and regularly check in. That's the only potential solution I can see

Give him the option whether to go too then or stay on his own. And address this problem with your mum favouring the younger dc asap as that's not good for ds1. Fwiw if a 9 year old came in to my class telling me he'd been left without an adult while his parents went on holiday for 5 days I'd have that welfare concern form written up by the time he'd finished the sentence

According to the NSPCC guidance you have to be careful with babysitters under 16 as they're too young to be legally responsible.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

17 (nearly 18) sounds fine to me.

So why would DS1 only need to make breakfast? What about lunch and dinner over the weekend? What about dinner on the school days?

Would DS1 be taking DS2 with him to football?

I don't think those guidelines are imagining a 5 day stint when they use the term babysitter

Of course DS2 can stay with your mum. DS1's lack of relationship with her has nothing to do with it. DS2 is a young child and should stay with an adult. DS1 is not a young child and doesn't need adult supervision. They're not glued together.

As I said in PP, BIL will give them their dinner everyday and DS2 will be at a club on the Saturday and they provide a meal, and on the Sunday they'll more than likely go to MIL, and DS1 wouldn't need to take DS2 to football with him because of the club and SIL will probably pick DS2 up from it.

I've a 17 year old, I'd leave her alone, no issues. I wouldn't leave her in charge of my other teens and pre teen though as I don't think that would be fair on her, especially for that length of time.

Everyone seems a bit dramatic on this thread, my mam and dad left me in charge of my brother with a similar age gap quite a lot when I was young and it was fine. They've got family around to pitch in and help and it sounds like both kids are responsible and independent enough to be fine.

Are there lots of helicopter parents on Mumsnet or am I just old and out of touch? I really don't see a problem so long as 17yo agrees and is ok with it, and 9yo is ok with the idea too.

I'm wondering the same!

Lots of 16/17 year olds who have babies! Many at that age who are nannies or babysit.

It's really not an issue provided 17yo doesn't have SEN issues you haven't mentioned or is generally highly irresponsible.

For average 17yo it's absolutely fine

Leaving a 9 year old without an adult would be neglect. You either need to get an adult to look after 9 year old, take 9 year old with you or don't go. I can't imagine a 17 year old would stay in for 4 days including over weekend so 9 year old would be home alone. Get Granny to look after 9 year old. Pay her if need be or pay a Nanny to stay at your home for the 4 days.

Why wouldn't the 17yo stay in if tasked with looking after their younger sibling.

It's bizarre how little responsibility MNs are willing to give their children.

17 is a whole adult!

It's really not an issue provided 17yo doesn't have SEN issues you haven't mentioned or is generally highly irresponsible.

She says in her OP that he had ADHD.

has*

People are so bloody dramatic. I had DD at his age.
A responsible 17 year old is more than capable of taking care of a well behaved 9 year old for a few nights, especially with support nearby in an emergency.

@carmenitapink, I have taught 17 year old teens, as well as younger teens, for 32 years and I can't really think of any that would not want to go out with their friends for 4 days over a weekend and instead would prefer to stay in with a 9 year old the whole time. Do you have any 17 year old teen boys?

People are ignoring the ADHD part for some reason. He's not a "normal" or "average" 17-year-old.

This 17 year old also has ADHD so will before impulsive, and may act before thinking through the consequences. Many 17 year old with ADHD will struggle to look after themselves property.

I missed the ADHD part & don't have a good enough understanding of it to appreciate how it would impact behaviour, but if he was a normal 17yo boy this shouldn't be a problem.

If he wasn't to go out with his friends - but that's why there's something called responsibility; it won't kill a 17yo to have to stay home for one weekend.

(ADHD issues aside - people on this thread should have higher expectations of their children. A 17yo could be a parent.)

How long have you been with the DP?
I find it odd he thinks you can just do that. Why can't he fit his schedule around yours?

The answer is no but you're not really interested so I guess you're going to do it anyway. Unfair on your 17yo.

DS1 rarely goes out, so I doubt he's suddenly want to when he should be looking after DS2. I've been with DP for (nearly)13 years.