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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without DC’s

126 replies

pitersanset · 06/10/2022 11:27

Looking for other peoples opinions really, I have a DS from a previous relationship, he's 17, I also have a 9 yo with current partner so they're not exactly small children.

Partner wants us to go away for a few days (Thursday-Monday morn/afternoon), to somewhere in the uk, they'll be at college and school most of the time except the weekend. DS1 is sort of sensible but he does have ADHD, they get along fairly well although do have the odd bicker here and there. BIL doesn't live that fair away and has said they can go to his for their dinner but it isn't possible for them to stay due to space etc.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Hintofreality · 06/10/2022 12:31

Way to much responsibility to dump on your 17 year old and massively unfair on him.
He’d have to make sure his younger sibling gets to bed on time, get them up for school, mae sure they have clean and appropriate clothing on, cook for them, clean up and deal with any issues / upset / drama.
You are basically asking him to be a substitute parent for a few days, totally unreasonable.

cooolio · 06/10/2022 12:32

Well you sound like you've made your mind up and no solution will suit you.

Poor kid

MossGrowsFat · 06/10/2022 12:33

Why can't a 17 year old look after a 9 year old?

Would it be different if he was 18/19/20, when would be acceptable.

Would it be OK if he was a her?

Original poster
pitersanset · 06/10/2022 12:35

DS1 wouldn't have to cook for him, only make breakfast which is either toast or cereal - which he can do. DP suggested it as its coming up to our anniversary and he doesn't want them to come, plus they can't anyway due to missing school and college.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 06/10/2022 12:36

YABVVU. Leave the 17 yr old yes, in charge of 9 yr old, no!

pjani · 06/10/2022 12:36

Do it on an anniversary when you don’t have a 9 year old. My parents left me just in the evenings when I was around that age and I was so scared I used to spend the time hiding behind a couch clutching a bread knife. I have older siblings too.

CombatBarbie · 06/10/2022 12:36

Only on mumsnet would you not dare leave an almost adult with his younger sibling. The one who is old enough to live by himself and have a much younger child of his own but not old enough to care for a sibling. Madness.....

You have family on hand, they are pretty close anyway. (if they argued all the time I'd prob say for youngest to go to grandparents). Go and enjoy yourself.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2022 12:39

pitersanset · 06/10/2022 12:35

DS1 wouldn't have to cook for him, only make breakfast which is either toast or cereal - which he can do. DP suggested it as its coming up to our anniversary and he doesn't want them to come, plus they can't anyway due to missing school and college.

I don't think you're really making sense.

WHO would be looking after ds 2 then, if ds1 isn't going to be cooking for him, put him to bed and he's going to the football?

America12 · 06/10/2022 12:41

pitersanset · 06/10/2022 12:35

DS1 wouldn't have to cook for him, only make breakfast which is either toast or cereal - which he can do. DP suggested it as its coming up to our anniversary and he doesn't want them to come, plus they can't anyway due to missing school and college.

What about other meals ?

InsertPunHere · 06/10/2022 12:41

YABVU.

9 is far too young to be left overnight without an adult.

Musti · 06/10/2022 12:41

Bloody hell, I’d have no problem leaving a 17 year old in charge of a 9 year old for a few days. Throw in some takeaways and some babysitting money and they’ll love it!

In fact I’d have no problem doing that with my 16 .

My parents used to leave us from when I was 14 and have 2 younger siblings , 2 and 3 years younger for 2-4 days several times a year.

My mum would leave our meals batched cooked and i would just cook the rice/pasta/potatoes.

America12 · 06/10/2022 12:41

@latetothefisting it's the OPs mum. So DS1 & 2 gran.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 06/10/2022 12:42

I was minding my younger siblings at that age. The obvious answer is that the 9 year old stays with his granny and the 17 year old has an excellent time on his own. I’m sure you can sell that to him.

SoldierBoy · 06/10/2022 12:42

Why are you even asking this when you’ve clearly made up your mind anyway?

Thatboymum · 06/10/2022 12:42

I go on holiday every year without my 3 kids with my best friend who is also a single parent to 3 , we go 5 days and our mums watch the kids and it’s honestly great. We do a few holidays with the kids too so they don’t miss out on anything. I would leave 17yo alone but not at 9 and wouldn’t leave 9yo with 17yo

weekendninja · 06/10/2022 12:42

17 year old is months off being an adult!

If both are happy with it and you have family nearby I'd have no issues with this.

toogoodforthisworld · 06/10/2022 12:43

They will be fine. Of course you can leave a 9 yr old with a 17 yr old.
Maybe do 3 days / nights to try it out first. Eating at BIL is great.

thirstyformore · 06/10/2022 12:45

What @Musti said. Some of these replies are crazy!!! I would expect to be able to leave my 2 in a few years. As long as the eldest was in charge and knew she couldn't leave the youngest etc then it would be fine.

She'd want paying, but that's par for the course

LadyHarmby · 06/10/2022 12:47

I think it’s too long. Thur-Mon is four nights.

LadyHarmby · 06/10/2022 12:48

Are both the DS happy to do it? That’s an important factor I think.

Revolvingwhore · 06/10/2022 12:50

Are you really that desperate to go away?

Original poster
pitersanset · 06/10/2022 12:52

DS1 is 18 in Jan, he would be happy to do it, yes

OP posts:
rainbowandglitter · 06/10/2022 12:58

No way would I do this.

rookiemere · 06/10/2022 12:59

LadyHarmby · 06/10/2022 12:47

I think it’s too long. Thur-Mon is four nights.

This.
I'd go Sat morning- Sun evening so you're only away one night and see how it goes.

Hoppinggreen · 06/10/2022 13:09

pitersanset · 06/10/2022 12:35

DS1 wouldn't have to cook for him, only make breakfast which is either toast or cereal - which he can do. DP suggested it as its coming up to our anniversary and he doesn't want them to come, plus they can't anyway due to missing school and college.

You obviously think it’s ok despite the majority of people on here disagreeing with you .
Bear in mind that a 17 year old has no legal responsibility so if anything happened while you were away ( unlikely) you could be seen as neglectful

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