Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

[momana]

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

I did actually admit to the poster who guessed it correctly this morning what my issue is.

I just didn't want to say, because I feel it's somehow outing. But I'm probably just being silly.

As for the anti Ds and being depressed. I just don't even know if I am actually depressed right now or if it's just my situation that's tricky to be honest. I've definitely been depressed in the past, I'm not sure it's definitely the same or if it's just life with two small kids and my health problems, far away from family support, plus marriage problems.

I'm not against anti Ds, I think they help a lot of people. I'm just not at that point right now. I may be in the future. I'm glad they helped the poster who called me a plonker. I've been called worse on here, so not to worry.

I hate it when mumsnetters bully people into disclosing info.

it makes no difference what the condition is

@Sticktothetopic yes, I have multiple chronic illness and when they were not under control and I felt awful, one of the things I kept being told was to exercise. It was frustrating because I was so tired but I started with yoga, and walking every day. Initially a small walk and then I got into longer walks and then strength training and fitness blender workouts. It’s just a matter of not doing too much too soon but eventually it helps. With endometriosis high intensity exercise is meant to help and I really have found it does. However, when I push too hard I can’t do anything else. I think that’s what is happening with the OP.

@Sticktothetopic I agree. There’s no need to demand anyone online tells you anything personal if they don’t want to.

I’m older now almost 60 with long term chronic illnesses that cause extreme fatigue- I’ve also brought up 4 children, and I thank my lucky stars I didn’t have ill health when my children were young. I could not have coped with the fatigue as well as broken nights and god knows how I’d have ran the house. So you are doing an amazing job, just be kind to yourself and if you need to go to bed when the youngest does then do it! Your husband knows you have bad health he’ll just have to accept it. If you can afford a cleaner even just once a week to hoover and dust and do the bathrooms that would be a great help. Remember you are ill NOT LAZY

I would stop the gym and enjoy a daily walk with your toddler and the dog. The gym/ tennis sounds exhausting. My Dh has a degenerative neurological condition and he has to rest frequently between tasks. He has found an exercise bike and some weights at home to be the best.
Will you continue these gym sessions when you are back at work? Could you be trying to push yourself to prove a point that you CAN do it all rather than accept your real limitations.

What a totally stupid post.

@momana, don’t quite the gym. Despite what everyone here is weirdly telling you, don’t quit the gym. It’s your only time to yourself. And also, it is so beneficial.

Did your doctors/nurses recommend you use the gym as much as you are doing, or is it something you feel you should be doing? It sounds a lot. Even if they did recommend 5 times a week, there’s no one size fits all here. It’s your body, you’re living in it and if you are bone tired, then it’s certainly not helping with your fatigue. You will be getting weight bearing exercise lifting and just looking after two young DC. You’re getting cardio vascular exercises walking your dog.

Honestly, with MS, a partner who isn’t helping enough, constant broken nights, I’d stop the gym for now, try get more rest if you can. I think you’re expecting a lot from yourself right now. I have a friend with MS and she says the crushing fatigue is one of the most challenging aspects of the condition.

No thats loads.

I have two disabilities that make me tired. On a good day I can wash up without having to have a lie down three times in the middle to rest.

What is your illness? What do you do at the gym and how long are you there? 4-5 days a week is a lot. If you’re exhausted then maybe go for an hour once a week and then, instead of the gym, do self care activities or take your toddler to ballet etc (you mentioned you’d like the energy to do this). Are you under eating because that affects energy levels amongst many other things?

I was extremely tired with a baby and toddler. I had been pregnant or breastfeeding for a couple of years solid and my 2nd child didn't sleep well. I don't have a chronic condition and didn't have that tiredness in my limbs that you're describing but physically and emotionally I was tired. Things were much better when the baby started sleeping through at around a year old.

Seems like a pretty normal day with children.
You should try get more time at the weekend

Yep, sounds like toddler hell! You're doing great, well done on the gym, I'm not sure I could do that after just reading your post! You've got this, it will get easier you just have to keep going. The day your husband is home, go out, literally anywhere, even Tesco, get yourself a bit of space to breathe and sit and have an hour of doing nothing.

Stop going to the gym. Chill out instead.
Do your shopping online if you can.
‘we don’t get on well at the moment’ - is this what’s at bottom of your problems?

From what I know of my own and now daughter’s situation having two young kids is utterly exhausting. I agree with previous comments - you are recovering from a second pregnancy and have a lot of demands on you. It’ll improve as time goes on and the kids get older.

How the actual fuck are you planning to go the gym 4-5 times a week? I'd sack that right off after just one child, let alone two.

To answer your question, no I wouldn't be exhausted after that. My children are older primary age now, but when they were tiny I worked full time and did everything on your list, and took them out for trips to national trust places or walks in the woods etc at the weekend.

However you have a chronic illness which causes fatigue, and you are still going to the gym 4-5 times a week! I'm not surprised you are shattered. Could you try going to the gym less and instead multi tasking say doing laundry whilst cooking dinner or in the evening ready to hang out the next morning, and then going out for a walk with you children instead of spending the whole morning doing laundry / tidying? We used to use any opportunity to go out partly because we are very outdoorsy people and partly because the house stays tidier the longer you are out of it!!

I think with factoring in your illness perhaps you just need to be kinder to yourself in the first instance.

You poor thing. I’ve had and still have some form of (severe) long covid and explaining that a shower is the equivalent of a 5k run is hard to get across. When you have to sit down in it after a bit to try to get through it.
So yes, I get it.
I also had 2 kids 25 months apart, now late teens, and while it was the hardest year or so ever, it wasn’t like that. I was knackered, space cadet, but managed all the the usual stuff and kept going. I was tired but not the bone tired I have now.
So I would say it’s primarily your illness. I’ve ended up keeping in touch with friends mostly via WhatsApp and odd meet ups but I agree - life becomes very small. Thinking of you xx

So you have a chronic illness that causes fatigue but you still manage to go to the gym 3/4 times a week plus look after two little ones, I don’t have a chronic illness and I would be knackered from your routine.

I immediately thought CMPA too when I saw your OP. CMPA babies are so difficult and it is heartbreaking when you haven't yet found the solution for them to be happy and healthy.

Nutramigen still contains caseins from cows milk, so you're right he may need an amino acid one like Nutramigen Puramino or Neocate. That's great that you have a docs appt. Has your baby started on solids?

Your life sounds exhausting and you have so much going on. Have you heard of co-regulation? Your children's heartrates and blood pressure mirror your own. If you can take care of yourself and find ways to feel better and more regulated then your children will feel the same.

Have you tried safe bedsharing as a way to get more sleep?

Are the toddler and baby doing well at learning to entertain themselves for periods? Adopting a Montessori approach to toys/play have helped me massively with this, and it is better for them as well. Also the book Hunt, Gather, Parent.

@Manamala

I immediately thought CMPA too when I saw your OP. CMPA babies are so difficult and it is heartbreaking when you haven't yet found the solution for them to be happy and healthy.

Nutramigen still contains caseins from cows milk, so you're right he may need an amino acid one like Nutramigen Puramino or Neocate. That's great that you have a docs appt. Has your baby started on solids?

Your life sounds exhausting and you have so much going on. Have you heard of co-regulation? Your children's heartrates and blood pressure mirror your own. If you can take care of yourself and find ways to feel better and more regulated then your children will feel the same.

Have you tried safe bedsharing as a way to get more sleep?

Are the toddler and baby doing well at learning to entertain themselves for periods? Adopting a Montessori approach to toys/play have helped me massively with this, and it is better for them as well. Also the book Hunt, Gather, Parent.

Thanks for your advice. I haven't started weaning yet. He's just 5 months. I sat him in a high chair at the weekend and found that he was slumping a bit, so I think he's not quite ready yet. I'll wait until he's 6 months. I am seeing his doctor again next week to discuss what to do now and whether we should stay on nutramigen. He's definitely crying less after feeds and not throwing them up as much. But I also put carobel in his bottles. When I don't, the vomiting is similar, but not crying. Today he did 7 massive liquid poos and I had to change his entire clothes twice. We are going through one sleeping bag a day, because he always has a massive leak at 4-5 am ! Nightmare !!!

I've been out with him most of the day today and he cries so much less when we are not at home. He's super chilled. Everyone says what an angel he is! He's already bored at home with me at 5 months ahaha. He has so many toys etc, but I think he likes to go out all the time and speak to people / smile at everyone...

The house is massively suffering at the moment, but something has to give..

But I also put carobel in his bottles. When I don't, the vomiting is similar, but not crying. Today he did 7 massive liquid poos and I had to change his entire clothes twice. We are going through one sleeping bag a day, because he always has a massive leak at 4-5 am !

He is absolutely still reacting and needs amino acid formula. Sadly it tastes horrible and they can be fussy about it. Most GPs aren't trained in this area and amino acid formula is expensive to prescribe so sometimes people need to be pushy. Are you a member of a CMPA and other allergies Facebook group? They are a wealth of good support and info. When you fix this you will get so much more sleep. It's also really important to get him symptom-free by the time you start him on solids, so you can monitor any reactions to other possible allergens.

He's already bored at home with me at 5 months ahaha. He has so many toys etc,

Many toys = bored babies. The Montessori approach is great - you rotate them and only have a couple of toys out at a time in a tempting display. Suddenly old toys become 'new' and novel, and they can actually see the toys rather than an overwhelming big collection.

Also activites rather than toys can be v. entertaining:
www.themontessorinotebook.com/montessori-activities-for-babies-toddlers-and-preschoolers/

The house is massively suffering at the moment, but something has to give..

Good! None of you will be harmed by a messy house, but you'll all be affected by a stressed out you.

Sounds like an easy day. You’re a stay at home with a kid in nursery. Luxury.

You can’t be lazy if you’re managing to go to the gym with two young kids! I think the people in your life making those comments are not supportive or understand how much work being a mom is. Block them and live your life

Yep having children is tiring and relentless. I do all that plus work 48 hours a week! I suffer from terrible insomnia so quite a lot of my work hours I do through the night as I work from home. My husband on the other hand works in the office, he gets up at 6am and goes to work for 06:45 he gets home at 4pm and sits down whilst im cooking tea. He then complains at 06:30pm when it’s his turn to bath the baby that he is tired from being at work all day 😤
I have 3 kids, a toddler a teenage and a 40 year old
oh and I have to make all the pack ups for nursery/school and his work!!!
luckily I can function very well off 2-3 hours sleep a night as my body is used to it

honestly My husband is a good man but happily let’s me do 95% of everything and in the 20 years of being together has probably cooked dinner/tea less then 10 times and probably loaded the washer 5 times

i hear women all the time saying oooh hubby cooked me this last night or took the kids away for the day to give the wife some peace and R&R, this literally would never happen in my house