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AIBU?

Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

273 replies

momana · 05/10/2022 19:03

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

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momana · 05/10/2022 19:24

WahineToa · 05/10/2022 19:24

Have you discussed this with your GP? Do you eat well? What kind of gym workouts? Could it be too much?

Yeah I had a blood test, all seems well. I do strength training mainly.

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momana · 05/10/2022 19:25

Yes doggie gets walked at some point each day

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bakehimawaytoys · 05/10/2022 19:25

Stop the gym. You don't need to be going that often not working out strenuously. Save your strength. Switch to yoga or just go and sit in the cafe for an hour while the baby is in the crèche.

Likewise, do online food shops and get them delivered rather than schlepping to the supermarket and carrying bags.

I speak as someone with a baby and a toddler and former chronic fatigue. You have to pick where to spend your energy. It's not forever, just until your kids are sleeping well and you have a bit more energy.

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BiscuitLover3678 · 05/10/2022 19:26

I’m amazed and impressed you’re managing to go to the gym with two little ones AND chronic fatigue!

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CatLadyDrinksGin · 05/10/2022 19:27

Worth getting blood tests done for thyroid, iron, vit d and vit b12 if you haven’t already as those are relatively easy fixes and more common in women of childbearing age. Sleep has to be your priority over the gym. Walking with the buggy a good way to get fresh air and some exercise even better if you walk with a friend.

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Isthisnowmylife · 05/10/2022 19:27

Just wanted to say I hear ya! I’m in a similar situation. One baby 9 months who is pretty hard work and no family around to help. My other half works long days in a stressful job and whilst he will take the baby and help with bed etc I do nearly all the nights wake ups of which there are loads and all the housework.

i also have a long term condition which causes fatigue.

Partner massively unsupportive and says he can’t stand my moaning. Says my moods switch….(some days are tougher than others most of the time I just try to get on with it)

this is without a doubt the hardest job. You’re not alone

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BiscuitLover3678 · 05/10/2022 19:29

The not sleeping is very very hard. I only have one child who is nearly 3 and I find the days very tiring and long. You’re not properly stopping at all so no wonder you’re knackered. Some activities energise you more than others. It may sound counterintuitive but I find afternoons at home more tiring then just getting out and going somewhere like feeding the ducks. I think as it makes the time fly. You’re doing fine op just do what works for you. This time will pass.

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Noteverybodylives · 05/10/2022 19:31

I would say your schedule is much less than most peoples so it’s more likely your illness.

However, whenever I am down heading towards depression I become exhausted.

You’ve got 2 young kids so mentally you are going to be drained.
i would try and work out if you are physically tired or just mentally tired.

I also felt unbearable fatigue with covid and long covid and I’m still not fully over it now.

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WahineToa · 05/10/2022 19:31

I do strength training mainly.

thays good, make sure you’re recovering well between sessions and resting areas appropriately. Eat enough too, plus make sure your electrolyte balance is good.

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Yeiscray · 05/10/2022 19:32

Yes it’s exhausting. I have a baby, toddler and 5yo, so school runs, baby groups, parks etc. It’s hard work! My toddler and baby don’t go to nursery, DH is in work until 8pm and I have hyper mobility and arthritis in my hips so also in pain daily, it’s so hard.. I feel you!

We’re at the coal face pal.. but we can do it! Just plod on for these young years and we’ll get ‘us’ back in no time.

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notanothertakeaway · 05/10/2022 19:33

Baby waking every 2 hours sounds hard

Everything else sounds fine / typical / normal for most people

Sorry you're finding it hard

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Funkyslippers · 05/10/2022 19:34

How much sleep are you getting each night, OP? I feel so much more alive if I've had a decent night's sleep

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Seasonfinales · 05/10/2022 19:35

This sounds like a very normal and very easy day. I mean, changing nappies is not really something that should even be on a to do list. Your list is not by far a half busy day.

But, if you truly have a chronic illness then it’s something different, and you need to see your GP.

Also, since you seem to have written down minor to do tasks, I have to ask if you never go outside? Fresh air will probably be better for you and the children than going to the gym.

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picklemewalnuts · 05/10/2022 19:36

Exercise is important with chronic illnesses. Strength training is good.

When I was at my worst and thought sitting resting was necessary/everything hurt too much to move, I lost so much muscle I haven't been able to rebuild.

So keep up the strength exercise. Have you tried Tai Chi? I do it from home via zoom and it's brilliant. Really strengthening.

Have you realised that 'pacing' isn't scheduling a rest after a busy day, it's organising things so they aren't too busy in the first place?

Can you organise out anything you currently do? You can't afford to waste time or energy on anything unnecessary.
Supermarket deliveries, not washing clothes unless they need it etc.

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Seasonfinales · 05/10/2022 19:37

Has your GP said you suffer from chronic illness which causes fatigue, and if so what did your GP say?

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Schnooze · 05/10/2022 19:39

I didn’t have a chronic illness but I still remember the overwhelming tiredness during that period of my life!
Sympathies.

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momana · 05/10/2022 19:42

Seasonfinales · 05/10/2022 19:35

This sounds like a very normal and very easy day. I mean, changing nappies is not really something that should even be on a to do list. Your list is not by far a half busy day.

But, if you truly have a chronic illness then it’s something different, and you need to see your GP.

Also, since you seem to have written down minor to do tasks, I have to ask if you never go outside? Fresh air will probably be better for you and the children than going to the gym.

Yeah I don't know, I change so many nappies in a day. Some days I wouldn't count it as anything to mention.
Other days it's so tiring to do it ! We are also having around 6-7 poos a day and maybe 3 outfit changes a day. It's always leaking. I've tried different nappies and sizes etc. but it's constant.

Some days I can handle it. Other days it really gets to me !

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Jjones8 · 05/10/2022 19:43

Having a baby and a toddler simply is exhausting! It gets easier.

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AuntSalli · 05/10/2022 19:43

When I had toddlers I literally used to eat a packet of six M&S doughnuts a day and never put an ounce of weight on now if I so much is look at a cooked dinner I put 2 pounds on.
it is the busiest most exhausting period of your life if you can survive this you can literally do anything.

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momana · 05/10/2022 19:46

Seasonfinales · 05/10/2022 19:37

Has your GP said you suffer from chronic illness which causes fatigue, and if so what did your GP say?

I am under consultant care etc. diagnosed. It'a quite a serious condition which gets worse over time.

I have had blood tests to rule out any vitamin deficiencies etc. And it's all come back fine.

It sounds like most people would also find it tiring. Others maybe wouldn't. It's hard to know whether it's the illness or just looking after the little ones !

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riotlady · 05/10/2022 19:49

I have/had chronic fatigue syndrome (appear to be going through a very welcome remission at the moment!) and I couldn’t have done that at the peak of my illness, I could barely leave the house. So if you have something similar I would be really surprised if that wasn’t part of why you feel so tired- especially the description of all your limbs feeling heavy, hard to move etc, that describes my fatigue more than it does the knackered mum feeling I’ve also had!

That said, two small children is really tiring, especially if you’re getting woken up at night. I would imagine both factors are contributing

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Steffyy · 05/10/2022 19:50

The monotony of the routine with young ones can be mentally draining, which just adds to exhaustion from poor sleep and can really drag you down and make you feel lethargic as hell. I truly think sleep is the most important thing for our physical and mental health too, not getting enough is quite literally torture! It’s also difficult balancing getting enough with having your own time as an adult on an evening and relaxing!

My GP told me I had chronic fatigue (I had under-treated hypothyroidism) and to “rest even when I had energy” - it felt like a life sentence. I sometimes think the boxes we’re put in are unhelpful to our situations.

Also completely unhelpful the narrative of “you’re not even busy” - sounds like you’re not getting much support from your partner so by all accounts you’re ridiculously busy and doing a great job!

IMO I’d maybe reduce exercise slightly to see if you can regain any energy there - maybe switch out a session or two for something that’ll help with mindfulness more/is gentler on you like yoga/Pilates to see if that helps much.

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Snoken · 05/10/2022 19:52

Unlike others, I would say definitely don’t stop exercising! You need it, both for your body and mind. It’s great that you go 4-5 times a week.

i found the baby/toddler years exhausting too, but mostly because with babies you get nothing back, they just take energy and they are not much fun. Based on that I always preferred spending more time outside of the home so I could meet people and feel like me again sometimes. Your life sounds quite insular with no mention of friends or family. For me, that’s how I got energy.

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Xpologog · 05/10/2022 19:52

I’ve got CFS. No way could I do what you’re doing, it we’re all different and with children reliant on you there are things you have to do.
Have you heard of the spoons theory? Worth a read www.bjchealth.com.au/blog-fitness/the-spoon-theory-managing-fatigue-with-chronic-illness.
Also make sure you’re not vitamin deficient at all. I found B1 was a game changer.
Chronic fatigue is awful, it’s not just feeling tired. I can feel tired, sleep ( tho not well) for hours and wake up feeling even more tired. It does mess with your brain.

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BloobryMuffin · 05/10/2022 19:52

I'm fighting fit and would struggle on the broken sleep at all. Even with a good night's sleep and clear day, if I do an hour at the gym (doing cardio) I am exhausted. Like can't get up from my chair, limbs feel heavy tired for hours afterwards.

So I don't think it's lazy. And your illness will make it harder for you to 'get used' to it, I imagine.

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