My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

273 replies

momana · 05/10/2022 19:03

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

OP posts:
Report
Waxwing23 · 06/10/2022 20:02

Without a doubt, NO - YANBU.
My day (when I'm not working full time) is similiar, but with just the one baby (I have other caring duties that probably equate to the toddler burden) and it IS exhausting. I have no health conditions, I'm fit(ish) and I'm shagged. It's not the physical side of it (so all those saying scale back on the gym - umm no!) it's the constant state of mental alertness. Stopping x, y, and z going in the baba mouth, being an always-on entertainment station (else tantrums and meltdowns)... not having a minute to myself.

Keep up your gym visits, it will do you the world of good and give you more energy that you otherwise would have (I hate that people are suggesting otherwise - so misinformed) but it will still be exhausting for you... because it IS exhausting. You just have to keep on keeping on. You got this.

Report
momana · 06/10/2022 20:10

The baby just choked a bit and had a big vomit while in his crib. I was busy with the toddler and thought babe was sleeping, but he must have woken up and felt sick. I heard some coughing and definitely a bit of choking.

Bed and him covered in spit up.


I cleaned him up and he seems fine now. I don't know if / how much he might have breathed in.

Mhh not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Report
NicolaC17 · 06/10/2022 20:12

That sounds like a standard day as a parent of 2 young children and very similar to my days, alongside work 3 days a week. To be honest work is a welcome break from parenting at times, it’s tough and especially with children who wake at night. I co sleep now and it’s been a game changer but appreciate it’s not for everyone. Maybe yours is heightened by the chronic illness though but everyone will be different so I don’t think it’s something you can compare.

Report
Michellelovesizzy · 06/10/2022 20:20

That’s is a normal mum day and it hard ur fine I am always exhausted 2 and I don’t have a chronic illness

Report
mathanxiety · 06/10/2022 20:35

Your baby needs the Neocate or other amino acid formula. Get him off the Nutramigen asap.

You are exhausted because you are not getting any sleep. At five months, on the right formula, baby should be able to sleep longer.

Report
Inwiththenew · 06/10/2022 20:44

I’d scrap the gym and go for a walk somewhere nice. Unless you really like the gym. But two little ones pretty much on your own requires a hell of a lot of energy. Anything that you do for yourself make sure it’s giving you energy not taking it.

Report
Yourcatisnotsorry · 06/10/2022 20:44

Looking after a baby who wakes every 2 hours is exhausting. Your list simplified is ‘look after baby, do housework, shopping, cooking etc. go to the gym, do nursery drop offs/pick ups’. So in comparison to lot people it’s not a lot of activity but it’s dull and relentless and the Illness and lack of sleep are very hard. Going to
something fun, a park or zoo or library, meet a friend or something to break up the days might help. I always feel better for going out.
does your husband do nothing with the kids through the week? Sounds like he is a waste of space.

Report
megosaurusrex · 06/10/2022 20:46

I have one 16 month old and am always exhausted. I go to work twice a week and they are like days off. You are doing amazing.

Report
momana · 06/10/2022 20:50

mathanxiety · 06/10/2022 20:35

Your baby needs the Neocate or other amino acid formula. Get him off the Nutramigen asap.

You are exhausted because you are not getting any sleep. At five months, on the right formula, baby should be able to sleep longer.

I will definitely talk to the doc about this.

I feel bad, like I exaggerated. He has definitely slept longer than two hours. It's not every night. It was actually ok until a few weeks ago. He used to sleep from around 8 until 3 and then awake again at 5-6.

The last two - three weeks has been more frequent night wakings.

OP posts:
Report
igglewigglepiggle · 06/10/2022 20:57

You’re exhausted, being a Mum is hard work. Kids, the household stuff day in, day out on repeat…you need a break, it’s not easy to get one though for some of us is it.

Report
Takingturnstogether · 06/10/2022 21:03

Yes when I had a baby and toddler I felt exhausted all the time. No chronic illness.
I noticed that some friends with similar age children didn't though.

Report
Lalliella · 06/10/2022 21:27

That is a lot to be doing on your own without any help from your husband. If you and he aren’t getting on that’s probably stressing you which will make you feel more exhausted.

When I was at the baby/toddler phase there’s no way I’d have had the energy to go to the gym, and that’s without a chronic illness. Sounds like you’re doing pretty well OP. But you do need to sort out the problems with your husband.

Report
Imy06 · 06/10/2022 21:39

I only have one bub, who is now 20 months old. He woke up multiple times a night, sometimes every hour, and only in the last three months has gone down to 2-4 wake ups a night. It is exhausting! And even though I am now getting a bit more sleep I feel I still haven't recovered from the 16 months of broken sleep and am still exhausted.
You have two little ones and very broken sleep to deal with. Sleep deprivation is really hard! And with your illness on top it's no surprise you are exhausted and I feel for you.
While some have said that some of the jobs on your list are just every day things and shouldn't be there, I don't see why not. I used to feel really bad because I get like I went nowhere or got anything done all day and my partner made a few comments about it. I would sleep when the baby slept in the day a lot because I couldn't function if I didn't and there was no way to catch up at night. So I started to write down EVERYTHING that I did so that my partner, and for me, could see that there was lots being done in a day and I wasn't just sitting around doing nothing all day as it seemed.
I saw someone else saying how lucky toy are to get all that time to yourself... great if you love going to the gym but personally I am not a gym person at all and the idea of going 4 times a week because it was suggested it would be good for my health in the long run makes me tired just thinking about it, so good for you for sticking to it! I wouldn't class it as time to myself though as it's something I wouldn't really enjoy but felt I had to do.
I feel for you OP. Everyone is so different and copes in different ways. To me it sounds perfectly reasonable that you feel exhausted. Please don't compare yourself to others and feel bad. You need to look after yourself so you can then look after your little ones. Don't feel guilty for struggling, being a mum is a full on and you have an illness in top. Take care

Report
Jeclop · 06/10/2022 23:08

I was beyond exhausted when mine were little. And the list you mention above, plus doing some playgroups, etc was my daily routine and I just couldn't function. I went back to the GP multiple times but apparently nothing wrong.

In hindsight, I think I may have had some post-natal depression with my first. Have you considered that at all?

I guess we are all different but I could understand you feeling tired. I was dying!

Report
Hagpie · 06/10/2022 23:10

The thought of being thought of as lazy used to send my heart racing and you know what? What for? I gained nothing but stress and I still sometimes struggle not to beat myself up over non-productive days. Try to let it go and remember you’re doing your best. As of today I triggered the earliest maternity leave I could because I was struggling at work and maintaining my home was difficult, even though I have been doing a fraction of what I normally did before I started feeling poorly. Another lady a week behind me in pregnancy is going to go until December! Proud of her for staying as long as she can; proud of me for calling it quits and asking for help when I need it!

Report
N1no · 07/10/2022 01:14

momana · 05/10/2022 20:30

Thanks for mentioning that ! We do think he has that. He's on nutramigen. Has been since he was 9 weeks or so. The screaming got much better. Much much better. The poo situation got a little better. But still not ideal. I'm booked in with a doctor on Monday to discuss now that he's older, what should be done, going forward. I think the poo situation isn't right. And perhaps the screaming also. We need to find some other solution. Maybe he needs a formula which is amino acid based, or something.

You could try to start breastfeeding. It is possible to bf from try and without giving birth. You might want to look it up and also get a pump.

dad doesn’t seem to be doing an awful lot?!?

Report
Ineke · 07/10/2022 01:59

Could you cut out the gym and replace it with restorative yoga maybe. Or just use that time to rest your mind and body. Caring for very young children is exhausting. Listen to your body and don’t push yourself. I am sure it will improve as they get more independent.

Report
ReeseWitherfork · 07/10/2022 02:14

N1no · 07/10/2022 01:14

You could try to start breastfeeding. It is possible to bf from try and without giving birth. You might want to look it up and also get a pump.

dad doesn’t seem to be doing an awful lot?!?

What a bizarre suggestion. I don’t think a mother who is already struggling with fatigue needs to add the task of trying to start up breastfeeding again after five months. Especially for her to then go on a heavily restricted diet which could worsen the fatigue.

Report
Blueink · 07/10/2022 03:09

Unless you are very sleep deprived, I would say no, the debilitating fatigue is most likely from the chronic illness you mentioned in your OP. The repetitiveness of your days could be adding to a sense of general drudgery (do you not get outside, see friends?), however your day doesn’t seem particularly taxing for someone without underlying health issues.

Report
Blueink · 07/10/2022 03:15

I get your point about keeping strong, but it also seems like you could be over doing the exercise, especially as it’s gym based. You could be exhausting your nervous system. Could you switch to dance class, swimming/aqua, yoga/pilates?

Report
Blueink · 07/10/2022 03:26

I would also cut the exercise to 3 mornings per week and have some down time on the other 2.

Report
MrsTumblebee · 07/10/2022 05:12

Op, you’ve just had a baby and even without the chronic illness going to the gym 5 times a week would be a couple of days too much.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

JessieLongleg · 07/10/2022 06:13

You're doing good I find leaving the home very hard with a baby and chronic illness. Just went to my dad's for a couple of hours and back hurts so much it's hard to look after baby that 3 months old that hit 6-9 months clothes with colic.

Report
user6363 · 07/10/2022 06:18

It sounds exhausting to me. I’m a teacher and I have a chronic pain condition which wears me out and sometimes it’s like you just get used to being exhausted especially if your days are busy anyway. I get why you’d want to check if it’s Judy you!!

Report
Stopsnowing · 07/10/2022 06:24

That is normal but it also sounds like you are not socialising and are depressed.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.