Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

[momana]

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

If your eldest is at nursery during the day can you nap when your youngest naps? That's what I do, it means my house is always a mess and I don't get much done but it's worth it just for that extra sleep. I actually think sleep is more important than anything else when you're struggling.

Well that's what you may not understand. For me, those tasks are really exhausting. They're like a mountain I need to climb each day. I know they're normal things. But even a shower is a task for me.

Why are you exercising? If you have CFS stop right now, it's literally the worst thing you could do

Best advice I was ever given: You must nap when the baby naps! Helps so much

And I only managed to get 1 thing done each day. Would never have even attempted the gym at that stage, I'd need a proper night's sleep to exercise

It's incredibly difficult to get a baby and a toddler ready to go out while getting yourself ready to go out, especially while suffering from chronic sleep deprivation, yet alone an illness on top.

It sounds like a monotonous routine, which might make it even more exhausting. The relentless attention and focus needed to look after a baby or toddler is in itself exhausting. The physical work is tiring even without an illness. The chronic sleep deprivation is debilitating and can cause depression, which in turn is exhausting.
It's all exhausting and you have chronic fatigue on top. (I believe that if it's M.E. exercise isn't recommended and regular lying down is important, but I'm not an expert.)
I'd suggest breaking the monotony of housework by going to playgroups, parks, cafes, wherever you can find some liveliness outside the routine, even just watching the world go by.

I am really amazed at any poster saying they wouldn’t be exhausted after being woken every two hours in the night, long term.

I think some people are reading your daily routine and haven’t spotted the night wakings. This makes a huge difference.

So why are you at the gym 4-5 times a week then?
Is it just to get out of the house to break up the monotony of your day?
And to get some adult only ‘me-time’ away from the baby?

It's not actually ME/CFS. It's a neurological condition which is degenerative in nature and can cause disability. So having a strong body can help, according to the doctors. Fatigue is a massive problem for people, especially in the early stages and interestingly they say that exercise helps. I'm not sure how or why, but it's supposed to make you less fatigued.

In terms of meeting other mums.. I think that's actually the straw that broke the camels back for me. I've been seeing other mums quite a bit recently and have also been looking around schools / new nurseries. Then I've had another few appointments and that, plus the usual routine has just completely floored me. Also, the washing is piling up big time now.

So yeah I think I can just about manage without the extra things, like meeting other mums for lunch and coffee. But I'm aware that some people will do what I do and also work ( which I'll be doing in a few months ) plus take toddler to classes etc, plus probably see friends and family, plus have brunches/ dinners and go to galleries and museums etc etc etc.. but anyway, we are all different l guess. My world just seems so small sometimes.

@NaturalBae it's mainly for health reasons. I need to get my strength back. I would rather be doing more enjoyable things with my baby free hour to be honest !!

Wtf?
im on maternity leave, like the op. i have 3dc, Im up most of the night, I do all the washing, ferrying dc to school childcare basketball gymnastics, feeding baby, like fuck am I going to make anything up to my Dh. On the weekends I sleep in. It doesn’t sound like the op gets that support- I’d be way too exhausted to get to the gym that often op. I’m not saying you shouldn’t, you say it a good for your condition. Im saying well done you, give yourself a pat on the back and a nap.

I remember those exhausting days OP! Absolutely normal to be knackered

How long has it been since you slept through the night?

Your OP makes it sound that putting kids in a car is a big task, but everybody has to do this stuff.

Just because everyone has to do it doesn't mean it isn't exhausting. It's the most tiring part of my day by absolute miles. I feel like I need a lay-down after it. My job feels like being at a spa in comparison.

Skip the gym and sleep. Brisk 45 mins walk later when dh comes home instead

Illnesses are absolutely exhausting. For the last few years I felt was just soo exhausted. I just wanted to cry and how tired (not sleepy tired, but no energy tired iyswim). Other people seemed to manage so much, yet I was completely wiped out.

I then accidentally discovered I was seriously anemic. Apparently the Dr had never seen anyone with iron levels so low yet actually walk into the office apparently 'ok'. It turns out I wasn't ok, but seems I put on a pretty damn good act of trying to look it because I thought I should be.

I've had it explained to me by a friend as 'spoons'. All tasks in the day use different amount of spoons. And not all tasks take the same number of spoons for each person. We all have a different number of a spoons each day depending on how much sleep we've had, exhaustive schedule, illnesses, condition etc. We don't
So a fit and healthy well rested person may start off with 20 spoons. Then getting up my cost 1 spoon. Getting kids up and out the house 3 spoons. Making a phone conversation 1 spoon etc... But it depends on how much energy (physical/mental) it takes to do each thing. For an introvert phoning a friend may take 5 spoons. For an extravert only 1 spoon. Cooking dinner if you enjoy cooking only 2 spoons, but if you find it a chore it's probably double that But then also if you're having an illness flare up or time of the month etc you may also start the day with less spoons.

Previously I'd say an average day is start off with 10 spoons and struggle to get to end of the day. Now things are under control I probably have 50% more spoons!

No idea if that makes sense. But it's helped me understand that we don't all start each day with the same amount of energy and we all find different things hard work.

Try not to compare yourself to others. Keep talking to your Dr, take care and look after yourself X

My youngest ate 8 and 6 so I was at your stage a few years ago.
I'm a single mum so maybe better off than having a useless partner!
I also have rheumatoid arthritis and find that exercise helps my MH and physical health too but when they were little only managed once a week to run alone.

I slept when they slept ( still do mostly). That means 11 hours + in bed a night.
Cosleep so you're not in and out of bed sorting the baby.

I found doing activities less tiring than staying home so would always be at a baby group, friends house, something every day.

I went back to work when DC3 was 11m.

Toddler DC went to pre school 2 mornings a week so the baby and I would just go straight home and have a nap on those days!

On the day husband is at home can he do all the childcare and the overnight wake ups?
Leaving you to have a huge lie in, some time to yourself and a bit of a catch up on admin/housework/do some batch cooking for the week?

To answer your question yes, on 2 hours of unbroken sleep I would be exhausted.
When I was working I would go to bed straight after dd. And she was a good sleeper and I only had one child.

@momana - assuming it might be MS, don't underestimate the cognitive effects in terms of brain fog and depression too as well as fatigue,

Yes.. I noticed before my maternity leave just how difficult it was to learn new information and retain it at work too. Again, I blamed myself for my laziness etc. but perhaps it really is affecting my brain too.

It's tough because my parents always told me I was a lazy teen, which has stuck with me I think ! People also don't understand, because you look fine. So it's hard.

I do think I shouldn't give up and should try to push myself to do stuff. Within reason of course.

I don't only go to the gym for exercise. I'm trying to alternate with Tennis, as I actually really enjoy it. So just trying to get in 5 times exercise each week. Be it gym or tennis. Tennis is more difficult to organise because obviously you can't play alone.

I've read all of the thread, I say this kindly but you are you're own worst enemy.

Who are the "They" that are saying the gym is recommended? It really isn't always. You'd be better off putting the baby in the creche and sitting chatting in the coffee shop/juice bar, if your gym has one.

Secondly, what is the mystery illness that can't be named? Why are you reluctant to tell us what you have? Is that you have issues accepting what you have? Or do you not believe that it is "real" enough or shouldn't cause you to be this tired? If it's FND, then it's real.

Thirdly, sorry OP but you are an absolute plonker not to take the antidepressants that the GP prescribed. They work. They aren't addictive. I had post natal depression and denied it for months. It was a revelation when I finally accepted that I needed AD's and started taking them. Like someone had switched the light on.

I don't know what is going on with your DH, he doesn't sound particularly supportive but then it must be frustrating for him living with someone who has clinical depression but won't take the prescribed medication. You can't cure the neurological condition but you CAN cure the depression.

Finally, do you know you may be eligible for disability benefits? You can use them to support you to live your life, pay for a cleaner/babysitter if you want to!

My overall advice to you would be to sort out the above then live your life doing what YOU want to do and take baby along to those things. Strap him in the pram and take him outside while you potter round the garden. Fancy a day at the beach/zoo (for you) just do it. You don't have to spend all day worrying about the next nappy change.

Good luck.

I've read all of the thread, I say this kindly but you are you're own worst enemy.

You’re not being kind at all @CanaryShoulderedThorn you’re being quite awful. She doesn’t have to divulge anything she doesn’t want to. Many illnesses which cause fatigue are thought to be improved with exercise, ‘they’ will be her doctors or specialists telling her. It’s about getting the balance right. As for your comments on anti-depressants, I guess you’ve missed the recent research which calls into question everything we’ve been told about them. In any case, it’s a personal decision and she isn’t a plonker. You are.

You are right @WahineToa

I do not have any illness or condition causing excess fatigue (unless having a toddler counts!) but it is common sense that exercising build strength and energy and lifts your mood

and I say this as someone who doesn’t love exercise !