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AIBU?

Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

273 replies

momana · 05/10/2022 19:03

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

OP posts:
Littlemissprosecco · 05/10/2022 19:04

Wow, I’m knackered just reading all that!
you’re doing fine

Littlemissprosecco · 05/10/2022 19:05

Having little ones is relentless

ReeseWitherfork · 05/10/2022 19:06

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue.

What more is there to say? Of course you’ll be tired whatever you’re doing and you know the reason behind it?

fireandsnow · 05/10/2022 19:06

I don't know tbh

I do all that and more without a hour to myself for gym tbh.
I also have a chronic illness which causes fatigue.

I think that's a normal mum day BUT we all have different thresholds.

WahineToa · 05/10/2022 19:07

Are you over-exercising for the energy you have with young children? Eating enough? Life is busy with young kids and a struggle for many of us :) you’re doing well

Blankscreen · 05/10/2022 19:07

I would probably feel a bit jaded but not tired. Your toddler is at nursery so you only have one child at home during the day.

If you have chrnoic fatigue then I don't see how going to try gym 4-5 times a week helps. (Unless medically proven too)

MissMaple82 · 05/10/2022 19:07

That's motherhood for you

fireandsnow · 05/10/2022 19:07

It is relentless though and my toddler has just come out of the screaming all day stage so it's felt a relief with eldest starting reception

It will pass!

2ManyPjs · 05/10/2022 19:08

Can you cut down your visits to the gym? By the sounds of it you're getting a lot of exercise anyway with your routine, although I do realise the gym will be good for your mental health.

Afraid I don't have any advice, except to say I promise you it WILL get easier as they get older.

Hope you get a break soon.

momana · 05/10/2022 19:08

ReeseWitherfork · 05/10/2022 19:06

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue.

What more is there to say? Of course you’ll be tired whatever you’re doing and you know the reason behind it?

I'm trying l to work out if ist the fatigue or just my schedule. The fatigue isn't always there. I can't work out the difference.

OP posts:
Queuesarasarah · 05/10/2022 19:08

All I can say is that at a similar life stage I was utterly beside myself with exhaustion and now working with primary age kids I’m not nearly so tired.

Vapeyvapevape · 05/10/2022 19:09

That sounds like a normal day with small children but if you have an illness, then you are bound to find it harder.

Ship · 05/10/2022 19:09

I don’t have a chronic illness and I’d be knackered. I remember when mine were newborn and 3 and it was exhausting. You will get through it but right now yes, it’s really exhausting and must be even harder with an illness.

B1pbop · 05/10/2022 19:10

When do you have time for yourself? Gym doesn’t count.

no wonder you’re exhausted.

when you say ‘to your bones tired’ do you think it’s physical, emotional?

Have you come across Alex Howard’s stuff on chronic fatigue and also Curable?

Ragwort · 05/10/2022 19:11

Yes I would ... how long have you suffered a chronic illness?

I made a conscious decision to have an only DC, I knew it would be tiring (& I don't have a chronic illness) so I wasn't prepared to put myself through that. I am amazed that so many women choose to have more than one DC.

Arewethereyet22 · 05/10/2022 19:12

You’re being woken up and screamed at every two hours every night and looking after 2 tiny children and a house completely on your own. Of course you’re tired and that’s before going to the gym 4/5 days a week. It’s normal for this stage of motherhood but that doesn’t make it any less exhausting. Once they both start sleeping through the night you will feel like a new person again.

Sticktothetopic · 05/10/2022 19:12

Hmm well yes …

but it sounds like you are in a pattern of staying in a lot and I always find that tiring.

NoSquirrels · 05/10/2022 19:15

Right, well you’re not lazy, so park that language for a start.

Toddler and a baby is an exhausting life stage.

Broken sleep is exhausting.

A chronic illness is exhausting.

A husband who isn’t around to help is exhausting.

A husband who is useless or not supportive when he is around is exhausting.

Keep a diary of your fatigue/energy levels, how much sleep you did/didn’t get and what you have eaten and drunk that day.

Consider if the husband situation is fixable.

jumperoozles · 05/10/2022 19:16

It sounds v tiring and a bit go, go, go. I would feel tired doing all that especially as baby is not sleeping well.

ideas maybe:

  • can you cut down on gym to 2-3 times a week? That’s plenty with the running around looking after children you are doing
  • online shop or send husband
  • don’t worry so much about housework. Slow your days down and do nice activities with the baby - baby group or takeaway coffee and a short stroll? just accept slightly lower standards until baby is a bit older
  • bedtime routine as a team with your husband
jumperoozles · 05/10/2022 19:17

Also if your husband doesn’t help with bedtime or shopping or housework then you have a bigger problem… serious talk needs to be had!

momana · 05/10/2022 19:18

B1pbop · 05/10/2022 19:10

When do you have time for yourself? Gym doesn’t count.

no wonder you’re exhausted.

when you say ‘to your bones tired’ do you think it’s physical, emotional?

Have you come across Alex Howard’s stuff on chronic fatigue and also Curable?

No I haven't, I will check that out.

Some weeks are better. Some days are better and some are worse. When sleep is bad, it's definitely much worse.

When I say bone tired, I mean that my limbs are really heavy to lift up. It's a huge effort to lift my arms and legs and carry the baby around etc.

OP posts:
RagingWoke · 05/10/2022 19:19

A chronic illness causing fatigue doesn't really need a run down of your schedule- of course is expected you'd feel fatigued nevermind the baby waking you.
Young kids are exhausting! It's good to get out and change things up when you're feeling stuck though, have a day out on a weekend to do something fun and break the monotony.

As an aside, you mention taking the dog to the vet but not walking it. Do you also walk the dog?

Xmasbaby11 · 05/10/2022 19:20

It's a normal day with a baby and toddler. I was busier than that as I found it easier to be out and around other people. But yes they are tiring times. Dc are 8 and 10 now and I am less tired.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 05/10/2022 19:21

Sounds normal to me with two little ones and it is absolutely exhausting...

WahineToa · 05/10/2022 19:24

Have you discussed this with your GP? Do you eat well? What kind of gym workouts? Could it be too much?

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