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AIBU?

Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

273 replies

momana · 05/10/2022 19:03

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

OP posts:
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picklemewalnuts · 05/10/2022 20:20

Ok, so you need some better strategies to get you through this stage. List your pinch points and we'll share our solutions.

This one, for example "Especially when the toddler keeps running off whilst I'm trying to get her ready. "

Gather what you need to get her ready, and do it in the bathroom with you between her and the door. It's a small thing, but she can't escape you in such a confined space and it makes life much easier!

I had a runner and could only do dressing and nappy changing in the bathroom.

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Scottishgirl85 · 05/10/2022 20:22

That's a really standard routine, nothing stands out as being more than normal. If anything it's less as sounds like you don't work and you get me time in the gym.
It sounds like you have no support from your husband, so that plus your illness will not be helping.

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NotQuiteHere · 05/10/2022 20:22

You might underestimate the psychological side of the feeling. It is very tiring physically, but also emotionally, because it is relentless, and every day feels the same. You should remind yourself that it is not forever.

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Charl881 · 05/10/2022 20:24

The days wouldn’t tire me out so much but the waking every two hours would.

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billy1966 · 05/10/2022 20:24

Beachbreak2411 · 05/10/2022 20:08

So you don’t work? You should be fine with those things and all that free time to go to gym etc! No you shouldn’t be tired! Appreciate how lucky you are having free time to spend on yourself and make sure you make it up to your husband and kids

Make what up?

How bloody rude.

You are post partum OP, 2 children, very tiring.

Don't underestimate the exhausting stress of a relationship that isn't going well, particularly if he is not around much.

Reach out for support before you get totally burnt out.

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maryberryslayers · 05/10/2022 20:25

Mine is much the same. It's fucking exhausting and I don't have a health condition. The cold/rain make it harder with all the getting in and out of the car too.
Could you pop baby in nursery with toddler for a day or half day per week so you can get some down time?
Why is DH not around both days at the weekend?

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Bordesleyhills · 05/10/2022 20:25

3 year old and 37 weeks pregnant - pretty similar to me no chronic illness but I’m exhausted. Little ones are full on

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Charl881 · 05/10/2022 20:25

Also as others have said, I sometimes feel less tired getting out and about and doing things like swimming. It’s not logical. I think being at home all day is just draining.

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squishymamma · 05/10/2022 20:27

Just wondering…you say baby wakes up every 2 hours sleeping and poos a lot with 3 changes of clothes per day. Have you gotten them checked out? I’m asking because my DS2 was like this and it turned out that he had a milk protein allergy. I went milk free and a week later he was back to normal poo wise, no massive poonamis and changing clothes 5 times a day, and sleeping much better at night (obviously still waking but not as fussy and not every hour!)

Not saying your little one has that but it might be worth checking up a little just in case - I imagine it might make your days and nights a little easier if you can fix that :) otherwise good luck to you and I’m seriously impressed, I can’t for the life of me fit in the gym with a 9mo and 2yo!

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Seasonfinales · 05/10/2022 20:27

I was just thinking I could cry with happiness if I had your list. 😩 I’m a preschool teacher (not in the UK) with 18 1-3 year olds. Today I worked from 6.30-16.30 and I can not count the nappies I’ve changed, that is the easiest and most relaxing task too just chatting to the children at the same time.😂 I know it’s not the same thing, at all, but still can’t help comparing our day. I should have eight arms by now. I can’t even think about going to the gym at night, I just can’t. Hope you get better soon op, chronic fatigue is not great.

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Oceancolourbeans · 05/10/2022 20:27

I am word for word in the exact same situation as you except thankfully less dirty nappies but toddler at home in the afternoons. It's probably not the chronic fatigue, as someone going through it right now, I am regularly shattered to the point I'm not sure how I'll get through the afternoon. I definitely couldn't do the additional exercise on top, I did a couple of runs and had the same sensation you describe of my limbs feelings heavy. Understand if you have to do this for your condition, but you could maybe see if things are easier on the days you don't go to the gym.

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StillNotWarm · 05/10/2022 20:27

I was a complete zombie until DS1 slept for 4 straight hours most nights (aged 2.5 years.....).
So on 2 hour blocks of sleep, you are doing amazingly.
Add in a chronic illness, and I think you should give yourself the credit you deserve. You are fabulous.

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ChineAndWheeseParty · 05/10/2022 20:28

To be honest on face value I would consider your list just standard aspects of life with small kids rather than an itinerary. So no, it's not a busy schedule.

HOWEVER, you have chronic illness, are to all intents and purposes flying solo the vast majority of time and I suspect also depressed (potentially due to relationship issues). So everything will seem exhausting and overwhelming and like walking through treacle. I've had depression on and off in the past, including PND, and it's exhausting just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

Be kind to yourself.

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Glitterspy · 05/10/2022 20:28

You’re exhausted because you have a fatigue issue on top of a packed schedule with lots of physical activity, on top of no sleep. Ever.

Of course you are exhausted. Reduce the gym to 3x a week at the most. Go for a walk in the daylight instead. Make DH do the night wakings for an entire night (wear earplugs!) at least once a week, or for a set time (say 2-6am) each night so you can both actually sleep.

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Canttouchthis90 · 05/10/2022 20:28

Sounds like you're doing a great job op

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1000yellowdaisies · 05/10/2022 20:29

I have 1 DC in nursery and another in year 2, I'm a single working parent and I'm constantly exhausted. Likewise when people ask me what i have been up to the answer is very often, 'nothing special' because a couple of weeks can go by and its just been breakfast club/nursery drop off-commute-work-collect kids and the weekends get taken up with the kids parties, clubs, chores, housework....
So i don't think YABU, parenting is hard and you have prefixed it all by saying you have a condition which means you are fatigued so of course you will be.
Don't beat yourself up

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BeautifulElephant · 05/10/2022 20:30

screaming every two hours in the night
Having broken sleep is brutal.

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Summerfun54321 · 05/10/2022 20:30

I had an illness when my kids were the same age and just surviving is enough. I had day time naps and a very helpful DH and it was still very very hard. You are doing brilliantly. Try and get a good half day to yourself away from noise and children to really wind down.

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momana · 05/10/2022 20:30

squishymamma · 05/10/2022 20:27

Just wondering…you say baby wakes up every 2 hours sleeping and poos a lot with 3 changes of clothes per day. Have you gotten them checked out? I’m asking because my DS2 was like this and it turned out that he had a milk protein allergy. I went milk free and a week later he was back to normal poo wise, no massive poonamis and changing clothes 5 times a day, and sleeping much better at night (obviously still waking but not as fussy and not every hour!)

Not saying your little one has that but it might be worth checking up a little just in case - I imagine it might make your days and nights a little easier if you can fix that :) otherwise good luck to you and I’m seriously impressed, I can’t for the life of me fit in the gym with a 9mo and 2yo!

Thanks for mentioning that ! We do think he has that. He's on nutramigen. Has been since he was 9 weeks or so. The screaming got much better. Much much better. The poo situation got a little better. But still not ideal. I'm booked in with a doctor on Monday to discuss now that he's older, what should be done, going forward. I think the poo situation isn't right. And perhaps the screaming also. We need to find some other solution. Maybe he needs a formula which is amino acid based, or something.

OP posts:
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GraceandMolly · 05/10/2022 20:32

I would sum up the do do list as:
get ready in the morning,
go to nursery,
play at home
cook dinner.

It’s not a very big to do list, but it is very repetitive and you’re missing some time for yourself and that could be why you feel so tired too.

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geraniumthefirst · 05/10/2022 20:32

Can we swap lives please?

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Seasonfinales · 05/10/2022 20:32

GraceandMolly · 05/10/2022 20:32

I would sum up the do do list as:
get ready in the morning,
go to nursery,
play at home
cook dinner.

It’s not a very big to do list, but it is very repetitive and you’re missing some time for yourself and that could be why you feel so tired too.

She goes to the gym 3-4 times a week?

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momana · 05/10/2022 20:33

ChineAndWheeseParty · 05/10/2022 20:28

To be honest on face value I would consider your list just standard aspects of life with small kids rather than an itinerary. So no, it's not a busy schedule.

HOWEVER, you have chronic illness, are to all intents and purposes flying solo the vast majority of time and I suspect also depressed (potentially due to relationship issues). So everything will seem exhausting and overwhelming and like walking through treacle. I've had depression on and off in the past, including PND, and it's exhausting just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

Be kind to yourself.

Thank you so much.

That's why I asked the question. I feel like other people seem to do a lot more and I'm just barely holding on ! It's probably a mixture of all the things happening right now.

OP posts:
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Rocketclub · 05/10/2022 20:35

Baby number 1 - what you described was easy I was running marathons within 12 weeks I was bored as she slept and had a lovely routine the day she was born bloody good company and easy

baby number 2 - I don’t know how I survived and even less how he did - he screamed morning moon and fucking night and drove me up the fucking wall. I only survived as eldest was a great help and honestly I still don’t know how I coped and it went on for years fucking years 😂

if baby number 1 had been first there would have been no second

of baby number 1 hadn’t of been a helpful engaging older child when I had number 2 and I had to deal with a temper tantrum for a year 6 alongside him as a baby I wouldn’t be here. I barely coped he was a nightmare.

I stayed in the house with baby 2 all day and did nothing and was exhausted

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PeloFondo · 05/10/2022 20:35

GraceandMolly · 05/10/2022 20:32

I would sum up the do do list as:
get ready in the morning,
go to nursery,
play at home
cook dinner.

It’s not a very big to do list, but it is very repetitive and you’re missing some time for yourself and that could be why you feel so tired too.

With a chronic illness everything is harder though
I don't have children, and some days all I manage is to work and go to bed, skip tea as I'm too tired to eat
A bad nights sleep takes away spoons before you've even started the day

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