My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Would you be exhausted after this, or is it just me ?

273 replies

momana · 05/10/2022 19:03

I suffer from a chronic illness which causes fatigue. I'm so tired. To my bones tired. I see others doing so much stuff and going to so many places and can't work out if it's me and I'm lazy or if it's my life or if it's my illness, I think about this every day and I can't work it out.

I have a baby and a toddler at nursery.

Each day this is my routine :

Change nappies
feed baby and toddler
Get them ready to leave the house
Get myself ready
Pack bag for baby and toddler
Get both in the car and drive to nursery
Get both out of the car for drop off at nursery
Go to the gym and drop baby at the crèche for an hour
Take baby home
Change nappies / feed etc
Tidy up / do laundry
Any calls needed to be made / admin IF baby naps
Food shop some days
Prepare dinner
Get toddler from nursey with baby ( so again in and out of the car )
Give dinner to toddler
Entertain toddler and baby
Lost of nappy changes
Get both ready for bed
Somehow manage to get them both to sleep
Baby is very fussy at the moment, waking up and screaming every two hours in the night

Rinse and repeat, with slight changes in the day - like doctors appointments or taking the dog to the vet / groomers. Some days toddler is at home with me too of course.

Weekends are the same, except that toddler is definitely at home. Husband at home one day at the weekend, we don't get on well at the moment.

Baby is going through a phase of not wanting to be put down and waking a lot in the night.

Is it normal I'm so exhausted ? I don't go to the gym every day. But I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week.

Today, I'm at breaking point. The baby has been screaming at me all day and night and I don't know how to calm him down. I've got a massive headache and I'm just done. Yet people ask me ' what have you been up to ? ' and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I have nothing to give. I can't imagine going anywhere at the weekend etc. I'm just too tired.

OP posts:
Report
Wowzers12 · 05/10/2022 19:52

That's a long day. Just ditch the laundry some days and start a Netflix series while baby contact naps. Life is about down time as well.

Report
momana · 05/10/2022 19:53

I just don't know how people have the energy to do what I do and then also take toddlers swimming and ballet and to different parks and museums every weekend. I feel really bad, but I just can't do that. Especially on my own.

Taking them both out on my own is am almost impossible some weekends.

OP posts:
Report
RagingWoke · 05/10/2022 19:53

OP, have you heard the spoons analogy?

me-pedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory#:~:text=A%20person%20has%20roughly%20the,cost%20more%20spoons%20than%20others.

It's a really good way of explaining, you yourself or others how you're feeling. What you said about nappies made me think of it- some days it doesn't register as a 'to do' but others it's overwhelming.

Report
Maria1982 · 05/10/2022 19:55

Of course you’re exhausted!!!!
Everyone knows life with little ones is the most physically exhausting stage.
if you add to that , that you have an illness which causes fatigue, well. You’ve got 2 reasons.

pS I also suffer from illness related fatigue.
i would be in my knees with that schedule.

so, two questions:

  1. where is you husband here?? Why is he not doing more in the week?
  2. you say you can’t work out if it’s the schedule or the illness - well you could do a little test - if you change your schedule for a week, do you feel better ??
    of course this does require someone else to do everything you’re doing at the moment, for a week
Report
momana · 05/10/2022 19:55

Snoken · 05/10/2022 19:52

Unlike others, I would say definitely don’t stop exercising! You need it, both for your body and mind. It’s great that you go 4-5 times a week.

i found the baby/toddler years exhausting too, but mostly because with babies you get nothing back, they just take energy and they are not much fun. Based on that I always preferred spending more time outside of the home so I could meet people and feel like me again sometimes. Your life sounds quite insular with no mention of friends or family. For me, that’s how I got energy.

I need to keep my body strong with my illness, that's why I do it. But it is bloody hard at the moment. But they do say it's supposed to help with fatigue.

OP posts:
Report
SuperCamp · 05/10/2022 19:55

Being woken every 2 hours would do for many people. Me included.

Report
orangeisthenewpuce · 05/10/2022 19:56

Sounds like a normal day but you're lucky you've got the oldest one in the nursery. Cut down the gym visits and see if that helps.

Report
Maria1982 · 05/10/2022 19:57

I have 1 child and I don’t take him swimming by myself- it would finish me off
and I would be no use to anyone for 2 days.

it sounds like you are being very demanding on yourself - maybe give yourself a break, and take a break from social media if comparisons are getting you down (advice given to me in a similar situation).

Report
HilarityEnsues · 05/10/2022 19:57

Woken every two hours in the night would do me in as well, absolutely can't function with that type of broken sleep. Having littlies was very difficult for this reason for me, nothing to do with any pre-existing conditions, just felt exhausted for about two years with two 18 months apart. You are doing more than I was at that stage.

Report
inappropriateraspberry · 05/10/2022 19:58

It sounds like a pretty normal day for most people. Is going to the gym a good idea if you're already tired and suffer with an illness that's makes you fatigued? Especially if you have a child not sleeping well.
If I listed a day like that it would be long! That's life with children. I have to get myself and 2 children ready in the morning, do housework, life admin etc, plan and cook meals, go shopping, take children to and from clubs etc.
Your life is as busy as you make it. Some people thrive on being busy, others prefer a slower pace.

Report
Darbs76 · 05/10/2022 19:59

It’s a very tiring phase having a newborn and a toddler. Maybe reduce the gym to 3 times a week and see if that helps

Report
momana · 05/10/2022 20:00

RagingWoke · 05/10/2022 19:53

OP, have you heard the spoons analogy?

me-pedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory#:~:text=A%20person%20has%20roughly%20the,cost%20more%20spoons%20than%20others.

It's a really good way of explaining, you yourself or others how you're feeling. What you said about nappies made me think of it- some days it doesn't register as a 'to do' but others it's overwhelming.

I think getting them both ready and bags packed takes up most of my spoons ! I really find that part of the day taxing. Especially when the toddler keeps running off whilst I'm trying to get her ready. Such hard work.

OP posts:
Report
Yuib · 05/10/2022 20:00

I have 3 of them, 6 and under and a full time day job. If I start writing my list, it will never end! Don’t compare. Do what you can do and stay happy. Your children will love a happy mum!

Report
Maria1982 · 05/10/2022 20:03

Sorry I keep coming back:
I know you’ve said bloods tested etc
but have you had your thyroid checked, recently? I speak from personal experience! Mine was fine 8 weeks post partum and then suddenly six months post partum - wham! Under active thyroid. My god. Like wading through treacle all day. But fixable with drugs .

Report
momana · 05/10/2022 20:08

Maria1982 · 05/10/2022 20:03

Sorry I keep coming back:
I know you’ve said bloods tested etc
but have you had your thyroid checked, recently? I speak from personal experience! Mine was fine 8 weeks post partum and then suddenly six months post partum - wham! Under active thyroid. My god. Like wading through treacle all day. But fixable with drugs .

No problem. Thank you for asking.

I literally had it checked a couple of weeks ago !

Thyroid, vitamin D etc.

All was fine apparently ! I was surprised.

It's very up and down with the fatigue. The baby has been crying so much lately too. Some kind to regression. That's making things a lot harder I think.

Today was just such a hard day. I also have a list of stuff I need to do and I'm just dreading fitting it all in.

Even just going for a coffee with some mums after the gym or lunch is too much. I dread going back to work !

OP posts:
Report
Beachbreak2411 · 05/10/2022 20:08

So you don’t work? You should be fine with those things and all that free time to go to gym etc! No you shouldn’t be tired! Appreciate how lucky you are having free time to spend on yourself and make sure you make it up to your husband and kids

Report
momana · 05/10/2022 20:10

Beachbreak2411 · 05/10/2022 20:08

So you don’t work? You should be fine with those things and all that free time to go to gym etc! No you shouldn’t be tired! Appreciate how lucky you are having free time to spend on yourself and make sure you make it up to your husband and kids

I'm on maternity leave. Sure I'll ' make things up ' to my husband and kids Confused

OP posts:
Report
WahineToa · 05/10/2022 20:11

Beachbreak2411 · 05/10/2022 20:08

So you don’t work? You should be fine with those things and all that free time to go to gym etc! No you shouldn’t be tired! Appreciate how lucky you are having free time to spend on yourself and make sure you make it up to your husband and kids

What a rude unhelpful comment!

Report
HollyJollyXmas57 · 05/10/2022 20:13

That’s a normal day and I can’t see why you would be tired as nothing is strenuous. Seems like a perfectly relaxed day to be fair with a added in gym visit.

Report
Hm2020 · 05/10/2022 20:15

That sounds extremely exhausting I don’t know any one with a baby who manages to get to the gym.
my sons first year is a blur of exhaustion and I only had one. Give yourself a break where possible.

Report
User6761 · 05/10/2022 20:15

The fact you have the motivation and energy to go to the gym despite broken nights sleep is a huge amount more than I'm managing with one toddler! I'm tired a lot of the time too (still quite a lot of disrupted nights and back working 4 days a week). That's one of the reasons I've decided only to have one child, I just don't cope well with a lack of sleep!

Report
Beachbreak2411 · 05/10/2022 20:17

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this post as it's not really in the spirit of the site.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Sticktothetopic · 05/10/2022 20:17

Oh do stop being a knobhead

Report
BradfordBrontesaurus · 05/10/2022 20:19

@Beachbreak2411

Maybe step back a little - this sounds as though you are taking a personal issue with your life out on the OP. She has a chronic condition and needs to go to the gym to mitigate it as much as possible.

Report
dottiedodah · 05/10/2022 20:20

Beachbreak 2411 All Mums "work" FFS! Yes some work outside of the home ,but dont do childcare at the same time! If you have an illness then that will not help you .Maybe check with your HV or GP re the Gym visits .Perhaps a couple of times a week would be less tiring.Also where is DH in all this ?He needs to step up and give you a lie in at weekends .

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.