To feel this gutted about DH and my book

[Mrsaspiringauthor]

I probably am. Just surprised by how hurt I feel.

I’m one of those people who has wanted to write a book for years but lacked the confidence. I loved writing as a child but had a bad experience when toxic mother (now NC) found some of my writing and was so sneery about it I didn’t write again.

I had an idea for a novel years ago and earlier this year found the confidence to start writing it. At first I felt really uncomfortable about it and just imagined my mum looking over my shoulder and sneering at it. But I kept going and after a few weeks and 10,000 words found that I was really enjoying it. I’m now 155000 words into a novel that will hopefully be 450k words (big sweeping saga) and have absolutely fallen in love with writing again, I get so much enjoyment from bot the writing and the research as well as plotting, developing characters etc. It’s so hard to judge your own writing but I think what I’ve written so far is ok.

Have talked to DH about the book as I write it and he’s been reasonably interested. He actually has more of a background in writing than I do in terms of what he studied at Uni and parts of his job. I haven’t told anyone else I’m writing and asked him if he’d read what I’ve written so far. It felt like a big deal to share my writing with someone else and I told him to only read it when he has time.

Anyway he was away for a few days with lots of free time (ended up being much more than expected) and he said he’d read it then.

He got back yesterday and I guess I was hoping he’d bring it up and tell me what he thought. Eventually I asked him if he’d read it and he said, oh yeah meant to say, yeah I really liked it. He’d read only about 40 pages (he is a fast reader so not much for him) and didn’t seem to have much else to say about it. I asked him what he thought of a few aspects of it and he was very positive but didn’t seem to have put much thought into it.

I guess I’m just thinking about how it would have been if the roles were reversed, I’d have made the time to read it all and would have had lots to say even if I thought it was crap. At the very least I’d have said well done for picking up your own again and writing 1/3 of a book.

He has always made me feel as if he always has something more important than me going on so I guess it’s just a sore point. There’s always work to be done (he’s very invested in his job), a cup of tea to make it a pot to watch or a task that needs finished. Even on our wedding day I felt I hardly saw him as he was ‘just going to speak to X Y or Z - a couple of people joked on the day that I’d lost my husband as he was always off with someone else.

No snark please as I just feel really sad, I guess I just wanted a bit more encouragement.

I’d love to read it :-)

Charlie was killed on page 7.

This reminds me of an academic reviewer of a text I wrote. Six months after receiving the MS, she hadn't reviewed it. Turn around time is six weeks, in part because sending an MS to more than one publisher at a time is frowned upon in academic circles, so you have to wait for an answer before you can send it on elsewhere. After being chased by the editor for her review, she sent back a scathing review of the introduction and the conclusion but had nothing to say about the chapters in the middle. And the review read completely differently to the other reviewer and the editor, both of whom liked it.

People are weird. And should just say if they don't want to read things, especially when they're asked to as part of their job.

Getting friends/family to read your stuff is honestly not a good idea. Of course you’re dying for them to say it’s brilliant, or at least that they’ve enjoyed it but they may not be fans of the genre, may even think it’s dire, but of course will never say so. You would have to pay for an impartial critique - but would also h have to be prepared for what you may not want to hear.

I ditto pps who’ve said that 450k words is far too long for a first novel.

You will have to grow a much thicker skin if you want to be published commercially. FWIW I’m a multi-published (not self-published) author who had a lot of rejections before anything was accepted.

When I was still at the wannabee stage, I attended a writers’ do talk by an editor who dealt with the sort of thing I was trying to write. Having girded up my courage I later asked her, ‘I suppose you can tell from the first chapter whether something’s going to be any good?’

She fixed me with a very steely eye. ‘I can tell from the first page!’

I thought it very unfair at the time, but having later seen a lot of amateur efforts I have to say she was right - TBH the vast majority were nowhere near publishable. Over-writing and padding are very common faults. It’s a very good exercise to take anything you have written and cut it by a quarter, or even a third. The result will almost invariably be sharper and better.

I will just add that I know a lot of published authors, and like me, virtually all of them had several or many rejections before their ‘first’ novel was published. But we all kept going, honing our craft and improving along the way.

So do keep going, and good luck!

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Honestly as others have said you are coming across as over sensitive - I can imagine he has constructive criticism but is keeping it to himself to avoid hurting your feelings

Well I wasn't the one who initially said it - I just replied that if someone had said it I'd understand what they meant and wouldn't take it as an insult, because most hobbyists I've met have more dedication to the craft than many professionals.

If someone (wrongly) interprets 'hobby' as 'dossing about' then I can see why they'd be annoyed. But I don't, so I'm not.

I love a big saga OP, I've read and critiqued one for my cousin a few years ago that he was trying to get published. I'd love to give it a read too, if that's ok!

I wouldn't send your manuscript all over the Internet to people you don't know, OP. I'm not making any accusations, but it wouldn't be unheard of for people to steal the content.

Stick with the professional opinions and be prepared to pay them.

Honestly OP, it's actually really hard to critique someone's work especially when it's someone close to you. One of my closest friends asked me to read her novel and give feedback. I read it and I honestly didn't know what to say! I liked it, it was good (not brilliant). I'm usually articulate and I know she wanted feedback but I really couldn't think of a single comment. It's like my mind went blank. I just kind of said "I really enjoyed it. Good plot" and that was it. I could see she was hurt but not getting a more detailed analysis.
Another friend was asked to read her FIL's book and again she said she couldn't really think of any feedback. I suppose people are generally a little less honest with their nearest and dearest (so as not to cause offence) but even when you like it, its difficult.
If I was you I'd give it to an acquaintance or a friend of a friend - someone who's not close to you and can be objective.

OP, there is a creative writing topic on Mumsnet which might be helpful to you - lots of threads where people have given advice on all aspects of writing and getting published:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/creative_writing

This is insightful - and something I need to work on.

I’m writing a book and DH is so supportive that he bought me a chrome book as a gift and is frequently asking to read new bits I’ve written so YADNBU and it’s understandable you want some support!!!

Are you hoping to get it published? Or do you just write for personal pleasure? If you write for pleasure, then people ought to be kind. But if you hope to get it published, I’m afraid I have no sympathy. Writing a massive novel is a very arrogant thing to do. When you think how busy most people’s lives really are, it would take an average person three or four months to read your great big book. During that time, they could have read Henry James or Nabokov or Philip Larkin. If you are going to put a massive book out into the world, you have to expect savage criticism. It’s only right. Look at Harold Bloom’s great list (his canon) - it would take most people several lifetimes to read the books he recommends.

I had vague plans to write myself, but gave them up. I couldn’t justify it. No matter how hard I try, I can never match Virginia Woolf or Emily Bronte or Hilary Mantel. There are so many masterpieces out there, from Chaucer to Milton to Dickens to Woolf, that I wouldn’t want people reading my stuff when they could (and should) be reading the classics.

I’m sorry to be brutal, but I care too much about literature. Great literature is a serious and sacred thing. To me, it’s more important than religion; indeed, for many people it is a substitute for religion - a form of beauty and wisdom and guidance. If you have a creative itch, why not write short stories? They can be published in magazines and anthologies.

I really, really hope this isn't serious. I honestly can't tell.

I had vague plans to write myself, but gave them up. I couldn’t justify it. No matter how hard I try, I can never match Virginia Woolf or Emily Bronte or Hilary Mantel. There are so many masterpieces out there, from Chaucer to Milton to Dickens to Woolf, that I wouldn’t want people reading my stuff when they could (and should) be reading the classics.

How do you think books become 'classics'? You can't decide to sit down and write a classic -- a book only becomes a classic if its popularity endures beyond its era.

Of course, it's your choice whether to write or not, but I don't think this is good advice for the OP. Very few books would ever be published if writers were only prepared to write material they thought might become a classic.

This is really sad to read. Also, some of the ‘classics’ are terrible. But many books that are not that popular or are largely overlooked are absolutely amazing.

Classics are a small part of the literature world. They aren’t the be all and end all. I have learnt a lot from and absolutely loved books which haven’t sold that many and won’t be remembered on the whole.

Don’t dismiss others’ words. And don’t dismiss your own.

Ignore the frankly bonkers PP who talked of arrogance (I do sincerely hope that Suetwo has never done anything that doesn't meet with my approval, because be her own febrile logic, I can then call her arrogant for washing time - her own or other people's).

There is a general point to consider about whether and how you want to be published.

I have recently taken the decision to self publish, because I came to the conclusion that pro publishers aren't for me. I've taken my book through professional editors and beta reads. I'm really happy and proud of it. I have the business skills to set it up for sale and promote it. And I don't want to compromise my book in order to make it something that someone else will sell.

That's not why I do this, and not a sign that my book is better or worse than other books, however they're published. I've got it to a quality where I can confidently say that there could be say 5-6000 people on this planet's favourite book. The fact that it could be beaten up by an editor and marketed by a publisher and sell millions, and the fact that no, I probably can't find those 5-6000 myself that easily alone doesn't matter.

What matters is that this is the book I want out there, and that's what I'm going to do.

(and frankly, I think it's about a million times more enjoyable than Hillary Mantel, but I neither need nor expect people to agree with me!)

Unfortunately I don't think it is satire. I'm glad that not everyone thinks like you do, Suetwo, or no one would ever try to write a book!

On the surface it looks like a bit of a joke.

On the other, it probably is an accurate description of the thought process of a book lover who is despondent at feeling they can never produce one of the "greats". They therefore make the idea more palatable to themselves by telling themselves it's a noble act not to write and it's just because their literary appreciation is so great.

That's their problem. It's not on to try to force it on others to dissuade them so they can't have any chance of the success you've given up on, though.

There’s something wrong with you, mate.

Even if your book is not the genre he writes in or what he enjoys, you are right to right disappointed. He has not been very encouraging or supportive. You summed it up when you wrote 'if the situations were reversed.'. I take that to mean you would have been excited for him, encouraging and the like.

Writing is very personal and especially and it's a long held ambition you are bound to feel a bit sensitive. May I suggest you show him this thread - so he can read how mean of spirit his lack of enthusiasm is. Also, try local or online writing groups/circles where you can go for critiques, support.

Good luck OP

May I suggest you show him this thread - so he can read how mean of spirit his lack of enthusiasm is.

Don't do this.

I remember the Guardian used to have an anymous confessions series which once featured an 'almost made it' novelist. She/he got to the point of having an agent and a couple of interested publishers, but for whatever reason it never happened.

She/he became hugely resentful and eventually couldn't read contemporary fiction or go into bookshops because she/he was so envious. That always struck me as hugely depressing: even their reading had been ruined forever.

Well if he does, he'd also see the plenty of posts saying that they understand his position completely.

Honestly, a partner - even a loving, supportive one - isn't a performing seal, whose sole frame of reference for actions is "how should I act perfectly so that my loved one has the perfect experience of what she wanted".

The responses aren't the main concern so much as the fact she started the thread about him. She has every right to do that, but it's unlikely to go down well with him and foster anything positive, even with the supportive answers.

It's not whether your oh likes it or not it's whether it can sell as I presume that's what you intend to do.
Writing is very competitive good luck. Get some more feedback.