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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your 16yo alone for a week?

124 replies

ThrowAwayOne · 04/10/2022 20:00

DS insists he doesn't want to go on holiday with us next year. He'll be 16 and a half. I don't want to leave him as I think it's too young. He's mature for 16 but doesn't cook (younger child and DH have food allergies so the adults cook) he knows how to make oven food like pizza/nuggets etc so wouldn't starve. He'd be home alone as his sister will be at uni and the last thing he wants is her coming back to 'babysit'. They get along ok but he wants a week of just being by himself with nobody else home.

I'm not worried about him having parties etc, he's not yet into that scene and has had offers of going to parties but said they're not for him. His friends are always here anyway so it won't bother me if they visit while we are away.

Grandparents from both sides of the family live within 10 minute walking distance, aunts like 5 minute drive away and would pop in to check if he needs anything.

It would be during school term so would need to get himself sorted for school but he does this anyway with no help from us. This is one of my main reasons for not knowing whether to allow it as it feels a bit neglectful but he says he's completely self sufficient when it comes to getting ready for school including doing his own lunch and washing his uniform so should be allowed to stay at home for the week and get himself to school every day.

Would you allow it?

YABU - Let him stay by himself
YANBU - He's too young yet

OP posts:
Grandeur · 04/10/2022 20:02

He's 16, not 6.

Thatiswild · 04/10/2022 20:06

You know your child. If it’s during school term time and he’s 16 it sounds like he wouldn’t be in much anyway. Personally at 16 I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone for a week but with the support you’ve mentioned he has people he can see if he’s struggling.

Takingabreakagain · 04/10/2022 20:06

Would he go to grandparents for an evening meal during the week? They (and you) could see he's ok and he'd get something more than pizza and chips.

SpinningFloppa · 04/10/2022 20:08

I lived on my own at that age

yougotthelook · 04/10/2022 20:08

ThrowAwayOne · 04/10/2022 20:00

DS insists he doesn't want to go on holiday with us next year. He'll be 16 and a half. I don't want to leave him as I think it's too young. He's mature for 16 but doesn't cook (younger child and DH have food allergies so the adults cook) he knows how to make oven food like pizza/nuggets etc so wouldn't starve. He'd be home alone as his sister will be at uni and the last thing he wants is her coming back to 'babysit'. They get along ok but he wants a week of just being by himself with nobody else home.

I'm not worried about him having parties etc, he's not yet into that scene and has had offers of going to parties but said they're not for him. His friends are always here anyway so it won't bother me if they visit while we are away.

Grandparents from both sides of the family live within 10 minute walking distance, aunts like 5 minute drive away and would pop in to check if he needs anything.

It would be during school term so would need to get himself sorted for school but he does this anyway with no help from us. This is one of my main reasons for not knowing whether to allow it as it feels a bit neglectful but he says he's completely self sufficient when it comes to getting ready for school including doing his own lunch and washing his uniform so should be allowed to stay at home for the week and get himself to school every day.

Would you allow it?

YABU - Let him stay by himself
YANBU - He's too young yet

I wouldn't have left my dd at 16 but I'm ridiculously over protective.
I wouldn't enjoy the holiday though I'd be too worried and sad to not have her with me x

Whatacarryonthisis · 04/10/2022 20:10

go
but on the understanding grandparents & aunt will be checking in

Jaaxe · 04/10/2022 20:10

Grandeur · 04/10/2022 20:02

He's 16, not 6.

This. Course he can be left

Muchtoomuchtodo · 04/10/2022 20:12

I wouldn’t leave my 16 year old for a whole week but maybe yours is a bit more sensible and conscientious than mine!

Navigatingnewwaters · 04/10/2022 20:12

SpinningFloppa · 04/10/2022 20:08

I lived on my own at that age

Me too

MakeWayMoana · 04/10/2022 20:13

If he’s 16 and you’re going in term time he’s making a pretty sensible choice to not go - why are you going on a family holiday right before his GCSEs?

Actual point of the post, yes he’s old enough to be on his own for a week. If you’re concerned about lack of anything that’s not beige get some stir fry packs or something in.

PaperPalace · 04/10/2022 20:14

I wouldn't leave my 16yo alone for a week, but the bit about grandparents and aunt does make a difference.

Also it sounds like it will be just before GCSEs? Of course he can't go with you?

Original poster
ThrowAwayOne · 04/10/2022 20:15

Yes, he definitely could (and most likely would) go to each grandparents house for a meal as he's a sucker for MILs cooking. She would also most likely send leftovers home with him. My dad would call in each evening on his nightly walk and my Mum and Dad have a spare bedroom if he decided after a few nights that he didn't like being along.

I am quite overprotective I suppose so that's the reason for the thread, to get other parents views on it.

DH thinks IABU because DH left home at 16.

OP posts:
Tickledpickled · 04/10/2022 20:16

I think 16 is a tad young tbh. How long had he been left for before? Has he managed a weekend alone happily?

beonmywaythen · 04/10/2022 20:18

No way. Maybe 1 or 2 nights, not a week

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/10/2022 20:18

Of course, unless he has SN or is a raging tearaway. He’s old enough to leave home and get a job.

Get him to go to GPS for a couple of meals if it makes you feel better and check in daily.

Only thing to note is he might well be into parties by then, so you might want to warm him the GPS might do some surprise visits.

pigsDOfly · 04/10/2022 20:19

Only you know your son but from what you say he sounds like a very sensible, mature young man.

He's got back up nearby if he needs it so isn't going to be stuck on his own if he's finding it a bit lonely.

Go, enjoy your holiday and let him have that bit of responsibility.

As pps said, he's 16 not 6.

StirredNotShaken00 · 04/10/2022 20:21

Will you be abroad or in the UK?

Charcy · 04/10/2022 20:22

Jesus some of these comments

My parents had a lovely week in Italy when I was 16 and I had a lovely week seeing my friends, watching TV on the sofa rather than the floor and eating what I wanted when I wanted 🤣🤣

He'll be fine.

CloseYourMouthLynn · 04/10/2022 20:24

I was left at 16 and had a great time (no parties) and quite enjoyed looking after the house on my own.

puddingandsun · 04/10/2022 20:33

It's all very relevant, isn't it. Depends on so many things and only you'd know if it feels right or not to you.

My POV - I'm an adult and I wouldn't want to alone by myself in our house for a week.

ColouringPencils · 04/10/2022 20:35

Will he be in year 11? If so, it seems a bit mean to leave him, even if he doesn't think so yet.

LynetteScavo · 04/10/2022 20:38

Personally I would want him to sleep at his Grandparents. I'm one of those boring parents who thinks the worst, and doesn't take any chances. And yes, I insist grandparents have working smoke alarms when my DC sleep over. I didn't leave my teens (even the very sensible, boring one) home alone overnight until they were 18.

Everyone knows their own child best, though. If you think your own 10/11/12 or whatever year old can get themselves to school/ remember to lock the door/feed the cat crack on with your plans and lead them to it.

OP, I think you've decided your DS can cope with this. Just leave him some vitamins and face time each day.

budgiegirl · 04/10/2022 20:39

I left my DS16 and DS15 alone for five days when we went away. They were very sensible, and I knew they wouldn't have a party. I stocked up the freezer, and left some cash for extra food/takeaway/emergencies. My in-laws live a 15 minute walk away, and they popped in most days. It was fine.

JustLyra · 04/10/2022 20:39

It totally depends on your child and Their friends tbh. It’s not one people can advise on really.

Of my 3 who are over that age - 1 I would have left without batting an eyelid, 1 not a chance (I still get nervous when she’s in her Uni flat alone because she’s so so easily distracted as well as has narcolepsy) and my DS it would have depended on who he was most friendly with at the time.

slowquickstep · 04/10/2022 20:45

You do know that he is old enough to get married at 16. He will be fine