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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your 16yo alone for a week?

124 replies

ThrowAwayOne · 04/10/2022 20:00

DS insists he doesn't want to go on holiday with us next year. He'll be 16 and a half. I don't want to leave him as I think it's too young. He's mature for 16 but doesn't cook (younger child and DH have food allergies so the adults cook) he knows how to make oven food like pizza/nuggets etc so wouldn't starve. He'd be home alone as his sister will be at uni and the last thing he wants is her coming back to 'babysit'. They get along ok but he wants a week of just being by himself with nobody else home.

I'm not worried about him having parties etc, he's not yet into that scene and has had offers of going to parties but said they're not for him. His friends are always here anyway so it won't bother me if they visit while we are away.

Grandparents from both sides of the family live within 10 minute walking distance, aunts like 5 minute drive away and would pop in to check if he needs anything.

It would be during school term so would need to get himself sorted for school but he does this anyway with no help from us. This is one of my main reasons for not knowing whether to allow it as it feels a bit neglectful but he says he's completely self sufficient when it comes to getting ready for school including doing his own lunch and washing his uniform so should be allowed to stay at home for the week and get himself to school every day.

Would you allow it?

YABU - Let him stay by himself
YANBU - He's too young yet

OP posts:
SplashingMermaidSparkleTail · 05/10/2022 06:34

Thinking back yo what I got up to at that age, when my folks went away, my answer has to be no. Absolutely not.

Just because some people left home at 16, doesn't mean that's a good thing!

Musti · 05/10/2022 06:35

16 no problem. 16 with lots of family living close by? No problem!

FatMog · 05/10/2022 06:39

My one is 16 but is one of the oldest in the year so taking GCSEs next summer.

Her dad and I are going away for 2 nights during the week soon. It'll be the first time she's left on her own. She has the cat to care for as well.

She's a sensible sort but I worry so her Grandad will be going round to check on her each evening. She'll be left some homecooked meals she can heat up in the microwave. (She can cook a bit but I worry she'll leave something on). She can ring or video-chat with her friends if she's lonely.

It really depends on the child. I probably wouldn't leave her for a week yet, it's a bit long for her but for OP's son it might be different. You just have to make the call.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/10/2022 06:48

Very dependent on what type of 16 year old they are.

One of mine at that age, absolutely would have left her … she would have been fine and cooked, studied, had a couple of friends round.

The other, no way, she wouldn’t have gone to school, would have slept all day then invited half the year round to a ‘free house’ prob involving our drinks cabinet.

Bunnynames101 · 05/10/2022 06:54

I moved out at 16 so I'd go on your holiday. The house will probably be a bit messy when you get back but nothing overtly detrimental from what you've said he's like.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/10/2022 06:55

We left my 15 year old DS a few weeks ago.
He would send me photos of the meals he was cooking up for himself and one of the evenings his rugby coach took pity on him and had him round for a midweek roast, as well as having a weekend roast when he went to his Dad’s house. He was living the dream.

ImustLearn2Cook · 05/10/2022 07:15

There are a few pp who partied at that age, and I must admit I partied a lot from that age too. It’s pretty common.

On that basis, @ThrowAwayOne, if that is one of your concerns, then FaceTime or video chat in early evenings while you’re away, could put your mind at ease.

I think it is a good opportunity for your dc to further develop his independence and get a feel for how it’s like living away from family.

Eventually, when he is older, he’ll move out. It’s good to have an opportunity for transitioning. And this week at home while you’re away will be practice.

WhoopItUp · 05/10/2022 07:19

I did the same at 16 (30 years ago) and I was fine. I was sensible though

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:21

Only you know your kid! With GPs available and checking on himZ I would prob trust him to be alone.

RubyRedBoots · 05/10/2022 07:23

I stayed at my Aunty and Uncle's cottage in Lancashire (I'm in the north east) for 2 weeks, at 16, to look after their young dog while they went abroad.

I loved it and everything was fine! No mobile phone then either!

They left food and cake for me to devour 🍰 Smile

notdaddycool · 05/10/2022 07:23

if you haven’t I’d do a couple of nights away first to check he’s as happy as he thinks he’ll be. Also how hard/expensive would it be to get back at short notice if he was really unhappy?

GetThatHelmetOn · 05/10/2022 07:26

My son would survive the Armageddon from 14 and I trust him enough for him to have access to my cards since he was 10.

I wouldn’t leave him alone at that age, not because U didn’t trust him but because I didn’t trust he was able to manage his friends’s behaviour if things took a wrong turn.

Heronwatcher · 05/10/2022 07:27

I think it very much depends on the 16yr old and his current behaviour! Is he trustworthy, sensible and able to cope with unexpected events (like if the alarm goes off, water leak, power cut). Has he been left overnight/ for weekends before? Will he have a massive party and trash the place? I think I’d you can say he’s generally capable and sensible I would leave him but on the understanding that grandparents will be coming to the house regularly, I would agree to leave him.

00deed1988 · 05/10/2022 07:30

I started staying at home at that age. I couldn't cook 'properly' but that week -actually I think it was 2 weeks that year - I learnt. I learnt how to keep the house tidy, keep ontop of thr washing.

LuciaPopp · 05/10/2022 07:32

Personally I don't think the "I lived alone at 16" thing is massively helpful

Agreed. Reminds me of one of these threads I saw once where someone responded to a question about leaving a child home alone with a story about how her mother had abandoned her at an airport at some ridiculous age, as if to say “if I coped with that, your child can cope with this”. But no one asking this question is really asking whether such a thing is survivable- of course it is-they’re asking for a steer on what a normal, conscientious, possibly slightly over-anxious parent would do. I imagine OP is well aware that children get left at much earlier ages and are forced to fend for themselves in all sorts of circumstances but that’s not really relevant.

gogohmm · 05/10/2022 07:38

Not for a week, I did for 1 night. Work up to it

itsnotdeep · 05/10/2022 07:40

My dd was left alone for 5 days when she was 16 (it was term time and week days). She wasn't meant to be - her father (my ex) was meant to take her, but in his infinite wisdom he didn't (possibly because she told him she'd be ok. )

But I wouldn't do it again as firstly she said she was really lonely and she said she missed me even though she thought she'd be absolutely fine. I think that's enough of a reason to not do it tbh but secondly I did come home to a letter from the police saying they'd been notified of excessive noise at 11 pm on the Tuesday night. On digging it seemed she did have a "few" friends over (and coincidentally my drinks cupboard was emptied....).

sheepdogdelight · 05/10/2022 07:41

I'd be more worried about parties than him being able to "survive" on his own.
I know you say he's not the sort, but IME children change an awful lot in the first year of sixth form.
Some of that changing involves them becoming more independent - why on earth can he not cook even some basic meals? And you have time to teach more skills before you go.

Many at this age will already have gone away with friends the summer between GCSE and sixth form. Staying at home, when a lot of the time will be spent at school is simple in comparison.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/10/2022 07:42

You’re overthinking it. Unless he’s an unusually helpless 16 YO he’ll be fine for a week.

itsnotdeep · 05/10/2022 07:42

Similarly my dd's friend was left alone last year (they were 17 by then) and she was really lonely. It was half term and my dd and a couple of other friends moved in with her for a few days. It was just before exams so there was no partying, but I think they struggle being alone.

gogohmm · 05/10/2022 07:43

I did leave mine at 16&18 for a week, all was fine except I found out 5 years later dd16 had her boyfriend over for most the time and bribed her normally goody two shoes dsis to keep quiet!

HighlandPony · 05/10/2022 07:46

Yep. But I lived alone at 16. Married and running a house at 19 on an island away from where I grew up. It’s probably the one thing in quite judgey as a parent on.

toomuchlaundry · 05/10/2022 07:46

How many posters on here have children who got married at 16?

somewhereovertherain · 05/10/2022 07:47

We did it twice around that age. Only difference we have two daughters.

they where fine enjoyed themselves.

grandparents where close enough if needed.

no parties, no problems. So for me I’d have no issue at all at 16.

maddiesmam · 05/10/2022 07:49

I would say it's ok but he has to go to grandparents / aunts a few times for tea / check in