Would you leave your 16yo alone for a week?

[ThrowAwayOne]

DS insists he doesn't want to go on holiday with us next year. He'll be 16 and a half. I don't want to leave him as I think it's too young. He's mature for 16 but doesn't cook (younger child and DH have food allergies so the adults cook) he knows how to make oven food like pizza/nuggets etc so wouldn't starve. He'd be home alone as his sister will be at uni and the last thing he wants is her coming back to 'babysit'. They get along ok but he wants a week of just being by himself with nobody else home.

I'm not worried about him having parties etc, he's not yet into that scene and has had offers of going to parties but said they're not for him. His friends are always here anyway so it won't bother me if they visit while we are away.

Grandparents from both sides of the family live within 10 minute walking distance, aunts like 5 minute drive away and would pop in to check if he needs anything.

It would be during school term so would need to get himself sorted for school but he does this anyway with no help from us. This is one of my main reasons for not knowing whether to allow it as it feels a bit neglectful but he says he's completely self sufficient when it comes to getting ready for school including doing his own lunch and washing his uniform so should be allowed to stay at home for the week and get himself to school every day.

Would you allow it?

YABU - Let him stay by himself
YANBU - He's too young yet

At 16 he shouldn't be going on holiday during term time anyway!

I think at 16 it's up to him.

Well we recently cancelled a weeks holiday in November where we'd planned to leave DS16 home alone, as we reckoned he wasn't mature enough.

I booked it when he was studying for his exams and he seemed imminently sensible, but then seeing him pushing the boundaries during the school holidays with staying out late with his pals, and how they all seemed to know when a house was empty, we decided to leave it until next year.

We've been away for a few one nighters though where he has been on his own, and if there were relatives close by as in your case then I wouldn't worry as much.

Can you try a night away and see how you all feel about that ?

With this much family support I think it is ok, especially if your dad will call and say hi each day.

He could be a father himself. Of course leave him alone

If he’s going to be 16.5 next summer @ThrowAwayOne does that mean he’ll be in y12 at school or y11. If he’s going to be doing exams, I wouldn’t leave him. If he’s doing y11 this year so will be 6th form then maybe.

You do know that he is old enough to get married at 16. He will be fine.

Legally allowed to get married, yes. Old enough? Hell no. I wouldn't leave my 17yo alone for a week tbh. Not because I think she'd do anything disastrous, but I don't think it would be great either. Besides, we live in a village. She wouldn't really be able to go anywhere or do anything much. Fortunately my teens are still more than happy to come on holiday with us.

It depends entirely on the individual.

I let my dd move to London when she was 16. She shared a student flat with her friend on the same dance course for two years.

I believe in England and Wales you need to be 18y now.

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New law raises minimum marriage age to 18 in England and Wales www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-61228240

How many 16yos who still attend school get married?

Though not sure when the change comes into place.

As an aside to the staying home during family's holiday -
I also don't really understand the arguments relating to he could could get married/be a father/leave home and live on his own. Surely this isn't what is considered the norm in the UK nor is it something we would want for our children generally.

I've never actually met a 16yo father. I have, however, met several 16yos who flooded the bath, forgot to lock the back door and the house was burgled, had a small gathering, which turned into an epic party and the police were called.

A good two decades ago but my parents went to South Africa for 2 weeks in term time when I was 15, not even anywhere near 16. No family support nearby. I was absolutely fine, got myself to school no problem, fended for myself with no issues, shopped and cooked what I wanted when I wanted it.
he’s 16, has local support, technology is much better than the pay as you go Nokia I had when I was left. Unless there’s a huge drip feed that he’s got SEN why wouldn’t you leave him? Especially as he’s no doubt in an important school year.

16 is old enough to legally get married in Scotland...and until very recently in England and Wales 🤦‍♀️

Of course you can leave your child for a week...and we wonder why so many of our young people have no life skills?? This is why!! 🤦‍♀️

16 no problem

Well... you know your kid. I moved to a different EU country, alone, with no contacts and no accommodation or work lined up, at 16 and managed to sort it all out for myself with no parental support. So if your son is sensible I really don't see a problem with a week in his own home with a good support network nearby!

Having said that I am fully aware that people mature at different rates - it really depends on your son specifically rather than an arbitrary number. I mean, I was shocked that my nephew actually managed to move out to uni halls at 21 😆

My DS stayed home alone for a week at 16 when I went on holiday because he didn't want to come and he was fine. He knew how to cook and how to work the washing machine, what day the bins were emptied and how to use a phone!

Of course your DS will be fine. Will be good for him, teach him independence.

And if he's 'not ready to be left' OP...then that's on you 🤷‍♀️

I left my 16 year old DS alone for a week while I was on a business trip. I thought he was mature enough to handle it but he had his girlfriend over and also threw a party. Nothing was damaged but there was drinking and noise (neighbours told me when I got back). So no, I wouldn't recommend it.

I would have him ask a friend to stay with him for the week

It would depend on how safe your area is and I’d remind him to lock the door when he gets home and not leave the cooker on etc

But he sounds mature and has lots of family around so I’d probably let him but have a back up with a grandparent just in case he doesn’t like it at night.

No unless his gran would move in with him.

I wouldn't although I know DD would be fine. It's the one off incidents they aren't prepared to deal with like locking themselves out, a leak or not leaving the house with the oven on etc. But we don't have family nearby so perhaps that is factored in.

My brother was left at home alone for a week at that age, and spent the whole time eating and playing in his Xbox. We had no family support living near by, but did have nice neighbours he could call on if needed.

sounds like you have lots of family support near by for him

I've just remembered my parents left home alone overnight when I was 9. They thought my 18yo brother would look after me...he didn't. I did my own plats and took myself off to school. I was fine. I wouldn't leave a 9yo overnight though.