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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your 16yo alone for a week?

124 replies

ThrowAwayOne · 04/10/2022 20:00

DS insists he doesn't want to go on holiday with us next year. He'll be 16 and a half. I don't want to leave him as I think it's too young. He's mature for 16 but doesn't cook (younger child and DH have food allergies so the adults cook) he knows how to make oven food like pizza/nuggets etc so wouldn't starve. He'd be home alone as his sister will be at uni and the last thing he wants is her coming back to 'babysit'. They get along ok but he wants a week of just being by himself with nobody else home.

I'm not worried about him having parties etc, he's not yet into that scene and has had offers of going to parties but said they're not for him. His friends are always here anyway so it won't bother me if they visit while we are away.

Grandparents from both sides of the family live within 10 minute walking distance, aunts like 5 minute drive away and would pop in to check if he needs anything.

It would be during school term so would need to get himself sorted for school but he does this anyway with no help from us. This is one of my main reasons for not knowing whether to allow it as it feels a bit neglectful but he says he's completely self sufficient when it comes to getting ready for school including doing his own lunch and washing his uniform so should be allowed to stay at home for the week and get himself to school every day.

Would you allow it?

YABU - Let him stay by himself
YANBU - He's too young yet

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 04/10/2022 21:19

Yes it’s perfectly fine. I left my kids at 17 and 14 for a week. I was 250 miles away, but had a friend around the corner. They are very self sufficient. With a grandparent nearby I wouldn’t hesitate

BonnesVacances · 04/10/2022 21:21

I was definitely left alone at 16 while my parents went away. I don't know how I'd feel about it with DS tbh but you know your own DC. If there's extended family around to keep an eye on things, go for it.

RedWingBoots · 04/10/2022 21:24

You haven't mentioned your neighbours.

If you know them and they tend to keep an eye out, then with them and daily visiting relatives your son will wish he went on holiday with you.

Blix · 04/10/2022 21:28

My parents left me home alone at 15.
I resent to this day that they went on holiday without me.
Some horrible kids from school found out and kept coming round. My grandparents lived nearby but I was scared to tell them.

I wouldn't give him the choice but I would go after gcses.

Hillary17 · 04/10/2022 21:32

I lived on my own at sixteen, so it’s not about can he do it. He’ll eat and survive - probably love the freedom for a week. BUT be prepared. He will have a party even if just with a few friends and there will be sick, rubbish left out, probably not as clean as you’d expect etc. part of growing up!

Mojoj · 04/10/2022 21:34

Of course he can stay on his own for a week. He's 16!!

XPD · 04/10/2022 21:37

I had to go into hospital for 5 days when my was 15. He was perfectly capable of being alone.

underneaththeash · 04/10/2022 21:41

I think it’s more neglectful to take a child away in year 11 or year 12. It’s really not a good idea OP.

I’d leave my 16 year old for 2-3 days but not a week.

worriedatthistime · 04/10/2022 22:03

@MakeWayMoana if hes 16.5 he done his gcse and in 6th form

MolliciousIntent · 04/10/2022 22:05

worriedatthistime · 04/10/2022 22:03

@MakeWayMoana if hes 16.5 he done his gcse and in 6th form

No? He could be just 16 and early in the school year.

worriedatthistime · 04/10/2022 22:06

@MolliciousIntent yes your right , I forget as mine are young ones for year so both 15 when left school

Arnaquer · 04/10/2022 22:07

I left DS1 fir a week when he was 16, although my parents live a few doors away

Everydaywheniwakeup · 04/10/2022 22:08

My parents left me home alone for a week at 16 and I was absolutely fine. DD is the same age and no chance at the mo, but she is going through a particularly fuckwittish phase.

Original poster
ThrowAwayOne · 04/10/2022 22:11

To answer some questions:

He's in lower sixth so GCSE's are done.

Our neighbours are brilliant and will keep an eye out and txt us if any issues.

It's a safe area but then again you can never be too sure.

I don't mind him having friends over, they're all a little bookish and don't do the party scene yet but this could change by next year.

Lots of mixed responses which echo my own thoughts so I'll have to see how things go with him over the next few weeks before booking and decide whether I think he'll be ok or not.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 04/10/2022 22:13

Did you ever actually intend for him to come if you're booking in term time?

Yorkie177 · 04/10/2022 22:14

My parents left me for a week aged 16, I had a party in the house, skived school and got my tongue pierced. Sure he’ll be fine!! 😁

VickerishAllsort · 04/10/2022 22:15

Fuck me no!
You'll be lucky to get home and find the house still standing.
And that's no disrespect to him, but once his mates, and his mates mates and all their big brothers get wind that he's home alone all hell will break loose.
Take it from one who knows. And that was just one evening 🤪

clary · 04/10/2022 22:25

I would and i did. Ds2 was actually 17 and could have come on holiday with us (covid times) but chose not to.

He was fine despite some people predicting wild parties. The house was v clean abd tidy when we came home.

Get him cooking tho op - start teaching him some basic dishes now. I mean anyway, holiday or not.

Wow at some of these comments! Okaaaay

AliMonkey · 04/10/2022 22:30

I was left at that age by my parents for 5 days I think and was fine, but I was sensible, used to being left overnight, could cook, etc. We're leaving 17 and 15 yo overnight for first time this year as previously they've not been keen as both quite anxious. DS will be 16 next year and wants to stay home whilst we go on a 2-3 week holiday. We've said no. He would spend 90% of his time on a screen, eat only junk, not leave the house all week and not talk to anyone for the whole time so it would not be good for him and anyway we're going on what should be a fun holiday for a 16yo.

Has your DS been left overnight for any length of time previously, because I'd say test it out for eg a couple of nights first before making any decision. I think the proximity of relatives might swing it in his favour, with say an agreement that he's alternate evenings on his own with evenings with relatives. But at 16 you're still the parent, so also fine to say no.

kimchifix · 04/10/2022 22:32

Well I wouldn't leave mine for a week (16 soon) but I did leave 17.5 yo for a long weekend. But that's my kids. I haven't got a blanket rule. If you think your DC could handle it without killing himself or burning your house down then go for it. Maybe try a weekend away first?!

allboysherebutme · 04/10/2022 22:32

No way.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/10/2022 23:36

My kids aren't there yet, so truthfully I'm not sure if I could, but I was left for a week at 16. I think if he's generally sensible then it's fine.

Personally I don't think the "I lived alone at 16" thing is massively helpful.

Navigatingnewwaters · 05/10/2022 06:28

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/10/2022 23:36

My kids aren't there yet, so truthfully I'm not sure if I could, but I was left for a week at 16. I think if he's generally sensible then it's fine.

Personally I don't think the "I lived alone at 16" thing is massively helpful.

Why not?

outtheshowernow · 05/10/2022 06:30

Of course

Justdiscovered · 05/10/2022 06:33

I was left regularly and regularly had house parties. I was also a ‘sensible’ child so my parents probably thought I’d just had a few friends over for a sleepover, when in reality it was a full on house party with people sleeping everywhere.
because I was ‘sensible’ I was also very good at cleaning, washed, tumble dried and ironed all the sheets before they returned. in hindsight I’m quite impressed with myself!
beware the ‘sensible’ teenager!