I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

Word for word what @mathanxiety has written.

You are at a crossroads of your marriage and how he behaves will not be something you will forget.

Being married to a man who doesn't put you and his children first is soul destroying and will kill your respect and regard for him.

Having manipulative in laws who don't respect you, your home, or your right to privacy, will destroy your marriage.

If your husband insists on disregarding the views and wishes of his pregnant wife, you would do well to view your marriage very differently going forward.

Have you family to go to?
Because you would be better with them than a man who doesn't take your views into account.

Don't give up your job and go back to work.

Marriages where in laws rule the roost are ones that women are more likely to leave and are happier when they do IME.

Decide what you want now from your marriage and your life.

Because if you accept being over ruled in your own home at this point in time , I honestly wouldn't give your marriage much chance of success.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and just getting off the sofa is hard work. I wouldn't be pandering to that kind of bullshit. Your H needs to remind himself that you and your baby come first.

As an aside, we've not really been seeing anyone for a few weeks now, as it seems sensible at the start of winter colds / tummy bugs season.

Definitely stand your ground. Mil tried to invite bil and his gf to Christmas at ours this week, I'll be 36 weeks pregnant. I said while we were happy for her to come, no one else is coming. I don't even want 3 extra people in my flat at 36 weeks pregnant (I have a weak bladder without being pregnant, don't want to wait for my bathroom, don't want to cook Christmas dinner for 6 people etc), so I don't blame you for not wanting a whole party there. Mil wasn't happy but I didn't care, just do what you need to to make yourself feel comfortable.

This year*

Twenty or thirty people? Do you live in a mansion? I'd learn to say no firmly, if DH wants to host it himself, I'd suggest you take yourself off to the nearest hotel to a hospital and leave him to it.

YABVU to pretend it's a friend in your first post when it's actually your in-laws. Completely different dynamic.

YABU to agree to it as well - I can understand why you might feel obligated but you need to put yourself and your baby first, and refuse.

What's the party even for?

For goodness' sake say no.

Your DH needs to realise that you might well be in labour then, you could literally have just arrived home with a newborn , to a house full of people, risking flu/Covid etc. Flu can be dangerous for a new baby.

Totally unreasonable and selfish of your in-laws to expect this, what on earth are they thinking ? If you really struggle to say no, then invent some excuse, eg your midwife is concerned about your blood pressure and insists that you need rest and quiet.

I feel v cross on your behalf OP !

Many chain restaurants and pubs have private spaces- call around and see if any have one you can use. Cote and cafe rouge do even pizza express. Just call around the local ones

Friends you say?

Why on earth should OP do that?

You have to be seriously nutty even to suggest to a friend/relative that they host a party for you at 9 months' pregnant. Get your husband to tell all concerned to stop sniffing the glue and get real.

I'm just thinking about how DS would react if I suggested he and his wife host a party for us whilst she's heavily pregnant. I think he'd be suggesting to DH that I needed urgent psychiatric help.

Many chain restaurants and pubs have private spaces- call around and see if any have one you can use. Cote and cafe rouge do even pizza express. Just call around the local ones

While this is a good suggestion for people wanting to organize a party, I have to ask, why the fuck should the OP do all of this???
Her in-laws want to host a party - well they want a party but OP to organize it. They need to be told this is not happening. End of. What they then choose to do is up to them. It is not up to pregnant OP to have to faff on ringing around places and organizing the fucking party. And who is paying for it? Because it doesn't sound like the in-laws would be as they seem to be wanting a party on the cheap in the OP's house.

What’s the worst that will happen if you stand up to DH and his parents? Unless they are likely to become physically abusive or something, I can’t see any reason why you are so scared to say no.

‘DH this party can’t happen. I’m about to have our baby and I don’t want a load of people and their germs here. I’m saying no’

I’m currently 9 months pregnant and cannot even begin to imagine attending a party let alone hosting one at my house. Fuck. That. Shit.

Jesus Christ. What have I just read?

Your dh can't be swayed. Fucking hell you have a much bigger problem than a party.

I'd say no. Just no.

I think you're in for a lot of trouble if he shows his true colours as a mummy's boy. He will never have your back.

I got covid at 37 weeks pregnant - getting sick right before definitely isn't something you want to risk. It was horrific and we ended up needing to be induced. YANBU to refuse!

If you agree, what happens if you go into labour before the party??

You need to be much more definite than that! "I don't think it is a good idea" suggests that the alternative opinion (i.e. that it is a good idea) is also valid. Same with "I don't think it is considerate".

You need to sit your dh down and tell him (not suggest, not ask) that the party is not happening in your house. Tell him you will either be about to give birth or have just given birth. Neither is an appropriate scenario for a party.

If they want a party, it needs to be held elsewhere. However, if you go in to labour/have just had a baby, you expect him to abandon any prep he is doing for said party and to focus on you and the baby.

Just as an aside, ds1 was 2 weeks early and labour started at a wake. Dd was 10 days early and labour started at a party. Just saying....

Another one who would have had a baby by their due date!

I really hope you can make your H listen to you, agree with the others that you need to be much clearer/direct with what you are saying so there is no wriggle room.

Just say, no, it's too close to my due date and if we're in hospital we'll need to cancel the party! Use a local pub / village hall?

Don't fanny about saying "oh, it's not a good idea".

Just say absolutely categorically it's not happening.

@BrinaEds you could be in labour or you could be bringing a newborn home.no way would I want to do either with a house full of strangers.

Say that unfortunately you must say no because it would be so awful to let them down and you must insist on this. Not negotiable.

DH must be told that this is about you feeling uncomfortable at this precious and vulnerable time. If he does not have your back (and I really hope he does) I suggest moving in with your family and getting a divorce

This