I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

If your DH can't grow a back bone, is there somewhere you can stay for a couple of days? Your own parents? Take your hospital bag in case.
This is absolutely not on. You should be resting, not being invaded by 30 strangers and all the cleaning/mess that will involve.

I think this what I'll have to do, I've said I don't think it's a good idea and I don't think it's considerate but nothing seems to move DH thinking

It's in 3 weeks, that's all the notice given. I think they must have had this planned all along given the short notice

So, tell them it will have to be moved to another venue or cancelled because you have been put on strict bed rest.

You and your DH need to learn a little more assertiveness if you don't want people to trample all over you all the time.

I've had five babies and never got to 40 weeks with any of them!Assuming you aren't already in labour/ the baby hasn't already been born by them, I would plead high blood pressure and if necessary take to my bed!

I just don’t understand this at all.I always try, especially since seeing some posts over the years on here,to try and see from the other side,or how scenarios could happen.but sometimes I’m just stumped.
you say no I’m sorry it’s not physically or mentally doable for us.we love you but we can’t do this.
and your dh needs to stop being a pollock and say this too.
this isn’t about people pleasing.it’s not doable.it’s not smart at all.

You need to work on using the word that is not 'yes'! 😀

It is going to be useful in the months and years ahead.

Imagine, the day before the party, you go into labour. DH takes you to hospital and you have your baby. You're allowed out the next day - day of the party, what then? This is your first baby and the experience should be special, not spoilt by CF inlaws.

I’d be so angry with DH personally.
This is the last chance for a good few years where you can relax, potter around to get the house ready and just do your own think before your life is turned upside down (wonderfully) forever.

The issue really is that DH is not willing to put your needs above his family’s wants.

You need to be clearer in your language. It is not a good idea, and your won't be doing it (no "I don't think..." about it).
If your DH insists, make sure you are not there, and DO NOT lift a finger to help before or after.

Sorry but I cant even imagine a friend asking that knowing you will be 9 months pregnant...!!!! and your DH offering to manage the day....so if you are rushed off to the hospital the day before he is going to manage it from a distance? and you get home to right mess???? insane!!! Nooooo! Say sorry...my baby is due that day. End of conversation.

There are time I wonder what the hell goes on to make some folk such people pleasers /spineless?
This could not be easier. Tinkly laugh, oh no they won't be possible, I'll be 9 months pregnant.
The end

Talk to your DH.

Say that you have had an opportunity to think about what is being asked here and when the party is to happen in relation to your due date.
This is his child and their grandchild that is due to join the family and this is how they want to treat the child's mother?? This does not bode well for any future children to arrive on the scene.
Be clear. Be calm. Leave him with no illusion that this party cannot and will not be happening in your home. They have time to arrange it for another venue. For this party, it just can't happen in your home. Perhaps you would be open to having a party at some other time but this one, just not going to happen.
Tell your DH that you're actually very surprised that he thought this was acceptable to either agree to unilaterally or say that he would check with you about before replying to his parents. You thought he would have been smart enough to work out the dates and politely decline such a suggestion/request, for the health and welfare of his wife and future chid.

I realise that you're not fragile but childbirth isn't called 'labour' for nothing!

Just say bog off I'm too pregnancy. Could even be in labour when it takes place

How bloody selfish of them. Whatever you have done for them, they are being extremely pushy. Perhaps you can say "I'd love to, but as I may actually give birth during the party, it may not be a good idea"?

Then just say to your DH 'No, No, No. No party here. Your family are absolutely out of order even suggesting holding it in our house when our baby is due the same week. Not up for discussion....no!!!!!

Don't talk to DH, ring them up and tell them it won't be happening, end of, no discussion. You don't even have to give an excuse but the kitchen being taken over by the birthing pool could work.

You need to stop pissing around with the 'I don't think it's very considerate' etc and say to your DH 'there is no way they can have this party here, it will not be happening and you need to let them know today'. Will you let them walk all over you when it comes to how you raise your child? Because you know it won't stop here if you let it carry on don't you

Yabu.

You don't think you can manage it and you don't want to.

You can say no. You just have to get on and do it.

If I was a guest at the party and the host was heavily pregnant I'd be mortified. All the guests would be really embarrassed I would think

Let them have it at their own house.

Why should you have all the work and all the worry.

Just say no.

I didn’t make my due date for any of my 3 children. Would be a flat no from me

OP, You have a DH problem, any decent bloke would be thinking no way is that happening. He needs to tell them that they need to find another venue.

Is he always this selfish and inconsiderate?

I would imagine the in laws would be pretty put out if the attention was on a very pregnant woman or newborn baby, rather than them at their own party! They are idiots to ask in the first place.

They want this party in 3 weeks time?!?

You need to be very blunt and direct with them. None of this “I don't think it's a good idea and I don't think it's considerate”. It’s too easy for people to ignore that or think you can be talked into agreeing it’s a great idea.

If you’re 9 months pregnant in 3 weeks, then I’m guessing you’re 37 weeks pregnant now? That’s full term. This baby could turn up at any time. You could go into labour on the day of the party and end up having to cancel because DH needs to take you to hospital for all anyone knows.

If you don’t want this party (and I wouldn’t want it in these circumstances), you need to be firm and blunt about saying no to your DH and PILs now.

@skyeisthelimit is right.

I wouldn't dream of trying to dumpsomething like this on my DIL whether she was pregnant or not - but if I did my DS would put me right very quickly - and rightly so.