I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

If my partner did this I would be moving to a hotel for a few days not just over night. That way you don't have to be there for any of it. Especially the cleaning up!
I would also be telling my "d"h that if he ever puts me in this position again I will be walking out the door for good.

But genuinely what would happen if the op went into labour. On her own. In a hotel.

And surely the op wants to be at home in the last stages of pregnancy? My nesting hormones were rampant.

Honestly the fact the ops husband thinks this is what she should do is frankly shocking.

He's not got her back. That's the bottom line. He'd rather turf out his nine months pregnant wife than say no to his mummy dearest.

I've skimmed through most of this and I know alot of this has been said before. But just to add my story. 4 months ago I had my first baby. I was 37 weeks. I was in b&q picking some bits up when my waters broke, contractions started and within 60 minutes I was in the labour ward. My labour then lasted 30 hours and my partner was by my side the entire time.
I cannot even FATHOM entertaining 40 people in my house in the weeks even before I was 37 weeks pregnant. Even worse, if baby comes EARLY, dear GOD you will lose your mind. Those early days, are HARD. Absolutely Nothing prepares you for how hard. Nothing!!!
Your Husband sounds like an absolute see you next Tuesday and as it sounds like youll be fine, if not better without him, I'd be seriously considering leaving him over this. The risk of illness, incident, accident is ridiculous. And once again, you will absolutely not be able to host this if you have the baby early!!!! Visitors of any kind when you're bleeding, cramping, engorged breasts, hot flushes, hormones, its absolutely ridiculous. How incredibly selfish of him and his stupid family. I'm in the throws of PND and PTSD but I'm absolutely furious on your behalf OP. Kick him and his selfish ass family to the kerb. This is a sign of things to come and you and your baby take upmost priority

As someone who is now divorced, and was in a relationship for over 10 years with a husband who didn’t stand up for me to some awful in-laws on multiple occasions…this will not be the last of this. It will erode your relationship and feelings of love and trust towards your partner.

It doesn’t matter that you’re in a relationship, or you love him or he “loves you”. His family, that is you and baby, should be his number one priority. You shouldn’t have to convince him of that. You don’t need to be made to feel small. Why are you convincing yourself that you deserve so little from a partner - just basic respect and consideration for your situation?

Put your foot down and cancel the party. At this point I would be so livid with DH that I would genuinely ask him to move out and ask for a divorce too (1,000,000%). Or if he failed to move out, I would get the locks changed whilst he was out. He doesn’t care about the seriousness of the situation or your needs.

Now is the time for him to step up not make things harder. Otherwise, what is he really there for?

You’re a grown woman, who has a job, and her own money (so can do this on your own) and you’re going to let him and his family have you hide in your room or a random hotel room. No! Show some self respect.

What an absolute joke! I hope you do the right thing for you and baby. You need to show DH that there are consequences to his actions. So unbelievably sneaky that he agreed all of this behind your back.

Yes, and this “don’t be around”. This alone, I would lose my cool and throw him out. The audacity to say this…my blood is boiling for you. He needs to go!

He knows I don't want this to happen, we've spoken about it almost everyday and his response is literally "then don't be around".

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. You have recently married this man who is supposed to love and cherish you, you financially support this man, you probably pay for most of that house but you are the one being forced out? Hes showing you in the loudest way that he doesn't care about you, he just wants your money so he can show off to family and friends how well "he" has done.

Tell him one last time. If he doesn't cancel the party he is paying for a hotel room for you until you go to the hospital, then you will be staying with family with the baby until the house is sold and you can go your seperate ways. Then start praying the baby doesn't come before. DO NOT do anything to help with the party or cleaning.

I'm so sorry, OP. I'd book an Airbnb near the hospital for a couple of weeks and ask your mum to come and stay. Would she be prepared to be your birth partner if it came to that? You might not be able to get hold of your husband if the party is ongoing and it doesn't sound like he'll have your back during labour anyway.

^THIS. You are setting the tone for your relationship with your husband and in-laws going forward. If ever there was a time to grow a backbone and tell your husband and in-laws a firm “no, this is not happening because it is a risk to me and my unborn child” it’s now. Sitting in the bedroom or going to a hotel is playing the martyr and doesn’t cut it. It’s your home as much as his.

OP, I hope you're listening. I sincerely hope this isn't a case of now you're pregnant and having his baby, there's no way out, so his family comes first and you have to like it or lump it. If there's any chance you're with someone who is now showing you this thinking he has you trapped, leave now. Or tell him to go as you won't come last to literally everyone in his family, their friends, etc, in your own marriage.

OP - your DH's behaviour here is disgusting. Even if not 9 months pregnant, my DH would never dream of considering to host an event at OUR home without checking with me first.
Please make sure you discuss it with your midwife this week - tell her how stressful you are finding it. Watch your DH squirm at her response (although, he'll probably claim 'embarassed victim', and blame you for bringing it up in front of the midwife).
Please do keep us updated - I am an optimistic, who likes to see the best in people, so I'm still hoping for a resolution where he puts a stop to this.

@BrinaEds

I am just feeling enraged for you. In previous responses I have said leave the house for at least a few days.......

Now I am thinking, at full term with my first baby - because let's face it you don't know how your labour will progress when you haven't been through it before - that is the last thing I would want to do.

I think you need to tell you 'D'H how fucking stupid he is being and how utterly unsupportive he is being.

Can any of your friends and family help you / back you up?

Can you have a similar conversation with your in laws?

Could you send a scathing message on the family whatsapp group?

Can you show them this thread and show them how over 3000 people think they are being unreasonable?

Look, this is a worthy hill to die on - you need to make a stand and you need to do this ASAP. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for them to get another venue.

I remember my first married Christmas, my in laws wanted us 'to fit in' a visit to see my brother in law. I just said a flat 'No' - it would have added 2 extra long journeys, in a week where we were already driving over 1000 miles - they were pissed off. The point is, that was my line in the sand, I just wasn't going to pander to their bullshit. Also it meant, ongoing, they knew they had to include me in the decision making process.

Your inlaws cannot presume they can just take over your home without your consultation and agreement. Your DH needs to fight your corner. It's your 1st baby FFS. God, he needs to sort out his priorities.

Feel free to copy and paste this into your family Whatsapp group if that helps.

I keep coming back to this thread hoping that the OP's DH has come to his senses and cancelled the party at their house. If the ILs wasn't to have a party they should do it in their own home, and it they can't accommodate 40 people they need to reduce the size of the party. Cut your cloth to fit your measure, and all that.....

Wasn't = want

Whereas I keep coming back hoping the op has come to her senses and actually put her foot down and told her dh and his family that the party is not happening.

This is an easy no, surely?

You could be ill in hospital, in labour or back home with newborn. If with newborn, you could be recovering from c-sec or episiotomy, no sleep, constant feeds etc.

You can't possibly host a massive party and have an excellent reason why not. Say no.

Also can't believe that you still haven't actually told them all NO FUCKING WAY.
Please ask your sister to come and stay with you so she can (a) act as a birth partner if your DH can't be trusted to be around and (b) help with changing the locks, putting up 'Party CANCELLED' notices outside your door and acting as a bouncer if anyone ignores these. Please ignore the people suggesting that you go and stay in a hotel for a few days. Your DH can go and stay in a hotel if necessary, and the party can go ahead in another venue.
You and your baby should be the priority.
It would also be a good idea to seek some legal advice about divorcing this guy, as he obviously can't be trusted to treat you or your child with the love, care and respect you both deserve.

OP seems to have gone.

It absolutely should have been a no...but I bet that she had already told them yes, because of the favor that they did for HER. (...which they "pushed" to DO). It looks to me, like they pushed to do HER a favor, so that they could ask her to do THIS one for THEM!! Slicksters!

You can still cancel this whole thing. It's your house! Tell your h he can start helping his family looking for alternative venues and tell your in laws firmly the party it's not happening in your house.

How are you OP?
I'm so sorry you’re having to go through such a stressful thing at this time.

Have you told your Mum/Dad what is happening about this party?
Can you get them to have a word with him to tell him how risky this stress is to your health?

You shouldn't be booking a hotel room!

What if you go into labour and you are on your own or you have the baby and have to bring it back to a house full of people.

The only hotel room that should be booked is a room to hold the party in (and your husband should pay)!

It amazes me how many men are quite happy to p*ss of their wives, in pursuit of keeping their female relatives happy

It must be making you more stressed as it gets nearer the time of this party. Do say that to the midwife and go through everything that's happened. Whether or not it will register with your husband how ridiculous this whole thing is is debatable. Mentioning the germs, labour, possible baby by that time etc. I would also be texting the in laws (who your husband doesn't have to deal with - you married into them so they are technically your family) and saying they'd better find an alternative venue if they want a party as it's not going to be in your house despite what your husband said. I hope the midwife appointment goes well and she also tells your husband how stupid this idea is.

I cant believe this is still going ahead.
What if your baby is here?
It is madness. They don't give a stuff, do they.

I don't get the excuse that it is ok because your DH's birthday was hosted at your house. He lives there! And you weren't about to give birth. It is a completely different situation.

OP I am utterly dumbfounded at your DH's part in this. He hasn't got your back, or your baby's.

Same! I'd have been wearing my DH's b&lls for earrings if he had disrespected my wellbeing, my baby's wellbeing and my wishes, in this way!!!