I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

use your PG hormones to your advantage! Kick off and tell them it's not happening now/ever.

What you are doing by even considering giving 40 people access to your house is reimagining yourself as a doormat.

When you asked 'Are the invitations sent out?' was when you needed to say, 'well you will need to UNSEND them, because what you have arranged to take place in MY HOME is outrageous, with or without being pregnant.'

Do it. Fuck them all. or this will happen over and over again...'well you hosted last time... no reason for not hosting this time...'

Gimme your phone @BrinaEds 😂

If this happens, this has to be it. No more treating your house as theirs, especially not when you'll have a little one. Do they have keys to your house? Change the locks if so.

If this thing does go ahead OP you definitely need to get yourself away from all the commotion and madness - either a friends house for the day or a hotel.

What are their plans if you are in labour or go into labour in the midst of all this or are already in hospital having just had your baby a day or so prior. Do they still plan to go ahead if any of the above happens or do they just think that you should close your legs until after the event. Have they even thought about this.

Fucking Hell OP - I cant get over the madness and complete selfishness of them all - your DH as well unfortunately. He should have had your back.

These people are awful CF. They really do think your home is their personal banquet hall.
They planned this fucking party without telling you until you absolutely had to be told at the last minute.

And your DH too weak to tell them no.

I'd be telling your DH if he EVER wants sex again, he better be shutting this nonsense down.

Or you could go ballistic on them and blame the pregnancy hormones so the CF will be afraid of you and neve dare do something like that again.

I ended up going off on ILs for other reasons (racism, being nasty to me)
All hell broke loose and then all the tutting and how dare she. Then finally things calmed down and they never tried it with me again. CF aren't used to being pulled up. That's why they keep doing it.

Don't hide upstairs OP. Book yourself into a premier inn that day and night (or better still somewhere you can pamper yourself if can afford it). Just tell DH your keeping well out the way to properly look after yourself and baby.

Hopefully when the family discover they've ousted a 9 month pregnant woman from her own home they'll be suitably embarrassed

What is the point in you not mingling with people to avoid germs if your husband is going to be in contact with them anyway?

I would honestly say that this is your chance to put your foot down and if you don't do it now you'll look back on this with huge amounts of frustration and anger.
Say that you didn't say anything as you were so astounded that invitations had gone out to an event in YOUR home without anyone eve ASKING YOU. If they had done you obviously would have said it was too close to your due date so can they make sure that everyone is aware of the change of venue.

These people will trample all over you for years to come if you don't react now. No doubt you're just a vessel for their grandchild now, you need to watch out for them taking over, if you let them.
DH needs to know YOU are the priority. And he needs to make sure his family know that too.

10 children - how old are these children? Are you able to lock the door on the nursery? Last thing you would want are any surprises in there and their blasé reaction of oh they’re just kids.

This is awful OP.

You say that your sister is disappointed that no one seems to have sense enough to stop this from happening or no one is better advising IL and whilst she is right about that, unfortunately it will have to be YOU who does this.

Is this your first baby? (Not meant patronisingly at all by the way), but as in, you might not realise how bloody knackered and uncomfortable you will feel by 37 weeks if it's your first pregnancy. You need to put your foot down NOW and stop this.

If you relocate to a room or even a hotel you are acquiescing. You are giving in and letting them walk all over you. This is YOUR baby, YOUR pregnancy and YOUR HOME!!! Their behaviour is not on.

I'm shocked and saddened on your behalf your husband won't look after you and deal with his parents. Why does he think this is ok? This is a serious issue because it sets the tone that he will continue to let them walk all over you throughout your married life.

You MUST put you and your child first. Otherwise you set a precedent here that this is ok, and is is not ok.

Do you want them arriving just as you've given birth? Coming to stay while you're recovering and trying to breastfeed or struggling with newborn? Crashing your private time and family time whenever they please? They are pisstakers.

Your husband is weak but you must deal with him. You must assert your boundaries otherwise the rest of your married life will be like this.

This is your HOME!!! Ffs.

Oh dear OP.

WHY haven't you just said no?

This is madness.

What if you have already had the baby?
What if you are in labour?
Will your husband be leaving the party to take you to hospital/visit you?

You've had lots of good advice on this thread but you don't seem to have taken any of it on board.

You are making a bloody great rod for your own back by passively letting this happen.

Op, you need to put your foot down and say no. This is your house and you get a say here. They are railroading you and you are allowing it.

Staying out the way won't make a hot of difference and they will wear you down.

Say to your H that it's not happening. And mean it.

As your husband has gone behind your back what's to stop you from going behind his back and messaging the family to say that the party has been cancelled?

I would also rethink your relationship with with your husband as well. Is he always under his family's thumb like this?

If you can't stop the party I would be inclined to do everything I can to sabotage it - cancel catering etc.

I think this could cause some major cracks in your marriage.

After your update I would seriously be considering moving away from where you live as his family will continue to view your home as an extension of yours and your DH certainly does not have your back. I would be worried that this is just the beginning and it would get worse as time goes on. I wouldnt allow it in my house, regardless of if the invites have gone out and if your DH wont cancel it with his parents then I would. Id also make sure they didnt have a key so couldnt let themselves in.

OP, i feel so sorry for you.

At the very first hurdle of family life when your immune system has taken a hammering your husband really doesn't give a damn about you and the baby.

40 people and their germs milling around your house?
Unbelievable.

What a shower you have married into.

Approaching 60 here and if you were my daughter I would be appalled with your husband and his family, and I would never forget this.

You need to leave that house for several days so that it can be thoroughly cleaned and aired before you return.

I really hope you are returning to work and have kept your finances separate.

I don't give your marriage 5 years.
His disregard for your health at this time is too profound a statement.

For his family to be so cavalier with your health and wishes is extraordinary.
For him to agree to this behind your back is such a betrayal.

Listen to your sister.
Keep your family close to you.
Don't protect your friends and family from the truth of who he and his family are.

Keep your health as your priority.
Your baby is going to need their one decent parent well.

After the baby arrives, going to visit and be looked after by your parents would be an excellent idea, now that you know he cannot be trusted to care for you as a priority.

Don't brush this under the carpet.

You need to be very wary going forward.

Absolutely definitely unquestionably NOT.
Imagine if even one if them is harbouring Covid? Imagine the germs on every surface, kitchen, bathroom and kids running around feet on sofa, looking in your bedroom. Your DH won't be able to keep an eye on everyone. Unflushed toilets and raided fridge. No no no no no no.

This is outrageous.
What sort of husband is he to put you and baby at such risk?
I would seriously start planning how to live after baby is here, because this man is going to do this time and time again.
Personally, I would be telling everyone right now the party isn’t happening, your midwife is horrified and you don’t want your house used as a party venue. And as no one had the decency to ask you, fuck them.
How dare they treat you like this?

Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx
10 children - how old are these children? Are you able to lock the door on the nursery? Last thing you would want are any surprises in there and their blasé reaction of oh they’re just kids

Makes an excellent point. And I agree with others - staying upstairs will be stressful and you'll have people coming upstairs to look at the nursery and knock on your door - even if it's just to offer you food.

You'll need a plan if the baby arrives early - ask your DH what he thinks

Honestly BrinaEds - I'd be at the stage of kicking your DH out. This is just the start of you being sidelined by his family.

If you were my sister with your DH - I'd be having word, stern ones

You are being a mug OP, you have just allowed them to walk over you rather than creating the firm boundary before the baby is here. Your DH sounds like a drip not being able to stand up to mummy.

You had the perfect opportunity to say no when MIL messaged you and could have played the heavy pregnant hormone card if it caused upset because you were standing up for yourself.

Out of interest, assuming there will be alcohol..... I gather DH will be staying sober just in case you do go into labour.

OP

Concur with all the above.
This is outrageous of your DH.
And you must definitely be away - go to a friend's, anywhere.

Just say NO - it's your home too. How f...ing dare they! Your DH needs to grow a pair and have your back. It's disgraceful that they are all over riding how you feel in favour of their party in your house. You could just ring MIL and say to the party and that's final

I felt quite stressed just reading that. It’s like they see your house as theirs. It’s like the creepy start to a Netflix psychological thriller.

If you were my Dd I wouldn’t be able to sit on my hands. Your in laws would be phoned and some home truths uttered. Sorry not sorry.

They sent out invites before you knew

dont stay in your room you will be dragged into it

yiu need to make it v clear to your DH how much this has crossed a line and you would rather ot didn’t happen

him doing it all still doesn’t really solve the issue and what happens next time

if it does go ahead go to a hotel leave the house for a day and don’t help at all

but also babies can be early a due date is an estimate of a 5 week period in which they can arrive