I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

Hell, no. No, no, no, no, no.

No.

I'm assuming that if you haven't said no immediately you are a first time parent and they don't have babies/small children either for any of you not to consider this a potential disaster. It's a mad idea, as previous posters said, the potential for you not even to be available on the day is very high. Yes a lot of (first) babies are late, but the fact that you realise that it is likely to be stressful suggests the additional potential for it causing premature labour, high blood pressure or any other scenario requiring rest and quiet. If it's the kind of event where you can prepare a few bits well in advance you may consider offering to do that, but hosting, cleaning up and physically having to be there rather than an choosing to be there as a guest are not really viable.

Both of my DC were born 3 weeks before their due dates. Just tell them no, you are nearly 9 months pregnant, it is just not viable.

The risk of germs and covid being spread to you and your lovely new baby should occur to them and your husband too .

Quite apart from your being pregnant - and it's insane that these CFs would even suggest such a thing!! - you need to nip this in the bud now! If they get to use your home for a party this time, they will no question expect it again and again!!

You need to make it crystal clear that your home isn't a party venue to be 'hired' FOC!! If they want to have parties and their home isn't big enough, that is not your problem. It's shit to have to deal with this when you are very pregnant. Maybe you should show your 'H' this post. He is not considering or looking after you at all. I guess that someone who would expect a full-term mum to be to host a party isn't someone easy to resist, and it sounds like your husband is a doormat to them. It's time for him to man up and stand up - these people will be a forever nightmare if you and he don't set boundaries now.

I would have looked them straight in the face and say "I know you're joking, right? You're gonna have to wait for that party for quite some time". And the fact that your husband is willing to put you under stress tell me a lot about how he views you as the mother of his child. Not very highly I must say.

NO NO NO. Regardless of any other consideration, what if, in the middle of proceedings, your waters broke or you went into sudden labour.
i can't believe anyone would even think of asking. Why can't she have it in her own home?
Never mind what she did for you, did it come with the caveat that you should do a favour in return?
She's CF. NO+++++

I never understand how ridiculous posts like this appear. Of course it's an unreasonable request. But it's also unreasonable to even ask people whether it's unreasonable! Just say no!

I wish someone would make an unreasonable request to me so that I can say no

They won't because they know I would say no. I think posters like the OP get put upon because they know they have an inability to say no.

@BrinaEds just say "no, this isn't happening". What is the worst that could happen? People steam roller over you because they can. If this party does go ahead can you find a friend or a family member you could stay with?

‘I really wanted to help you out so I discussed with my midwife but she has said absolutely not to do it in the strongest possible way. Baby could arrive early, complications can happen close to the birth, it could end up havingn to be cancelled and I’d feel really stressed if that was the case which is also not good for the baby. Midwife said en emphatic ‘no’ ‘ TBH i prefer being honest so I’d ask the midwife and I’m pretty sure the above or a version of it is what she/he would say

‘I really wanted to help you out so I discussed with my midwife but she has said absolutely not to do it in the strongest possible way. Baby could arrive early, complications can happen close to the birth, it could end up havingn to be cancelled and I’d feel really stressed if that was the case which is also not good for the baby. Midwife said en emphatic ‘no’ ‘

^ what a load of waffle hiding behind someone else's made up opinion. OP just needs to get a backbone!

Or, how about?
No way, bugger off
Instead of hiding behind a load of appeasing waffle and bullshit

I agree. Failing that, Paddington stare. Point at bump. Done.
Do your DH and his family even have a brain cell between them?

Gosh rather selfish springs to mind .
babies also don’t arrive on their date so that itself is a good enough reason not to have a party . They might arrive a couple of weeks early or even a week but that will mean a new baby in the house with a party, it’s a no no from me .

I'm sorry but I would be backing off if my friends asked such a big favour when I was 9 month pregnant they truly aren’t thinking about your needs whatsoever .

I suspect they haven’t got children, even worse if they have .

Good luck with the birth and your new baby when they arrive x

Just say its too close to your due date & invite them to dinner now or give them nice bottle of wine as a thank you for their help.

Due Dates are an estimate & not a definite date. Babies turn up when they turn up. If you go ahead with it on the date theyve asked for you might have already had your baby, be in labour or be still be waiting but feeling huge, uncomfortable & shattered.

I think you need to say ordinarily it wouldnt be a problem but bearing in mind its so close to your Due Date you would hate to let them down at the last minute because baby has turned up or you are too ill & tired in last stages of pregnancy. So it would be better if they hold it elsewhere.

It's ridiculous really, as you say you could have had the baby by then and certainly wouldn't want a houseful when you first bring the baby home. Why can't you book a function room in a pub or something, it doubt it would be too expensive.

Any update @BrinaEds ? I’m hoping your husband has seen sense by now and put his foot down with his family!

For those posting without reading the thread, or even just the OP’s posts - it’s her husbands parents who’ve asked this, 3 weeks notice, she will be 37 weeks pregnant at the party.

OP - stick to your guns, if you feel shattered already, it only gets worse. And if your husband isn’t pulling his weight at home now, I can guarantee he won’t keep his promise of cleaning after the party! You need a serious conversation with him about expectations now he’s becoming a father.

Goodness me - I don't think so. You don't need to make excuses/tell little fibs because you can say, very straight, I'll be too pregnant to accommodate that.

Hi Everyone,

Quick update, so I'll clear up a few things I got the message about hosting through DH and at the time it was mentioned I said do you realise I'll be 9months, we've just got over a cold and I don't want to get sick again especially not with covid season on the rise, and the baby could come at anytime plus we've started to get the house ready. I added that I don't have the energy to entertain/host do any major cleaning. That's when he said he would do all of that - bear in mind after any event we've had it literally take 4-6hrs to get the house back to were it should be. So anyway my IL finally messaged me directly and asked if I was aware of the plans, I said it was mentioned.

There is so much about the party that was unknown like time start and finish times, exactly how many people are expected. I asked about all of that and if invites had been sent out - the answer I got was basically yes invites were out (I am yet to see it) and that final numbers would be confirmed next week but it's now looking like it could be 30 adults and 10 children. I said I'm not going to be around for it because I'm not comfortable with it, I said I had no plans to entertain after DH birthday as that was taxing enough and I'm just too tired at this stage of the pregnancy to host people and the risk of catching something is high as my immune system is already low. The response was "ok in understand". Not ok we'll move it or cancel. At this point, this thing is going ahead regardless, I'm not going to do a damn thing, no pre or post cleaning nothing. Clearly no consideration at all has been given by anyone. DH seems shut off by the whole thing and doesn't seem to want to upset his family but clearly having me pissed off is ok kmt.

I'm usually a very accommodating and helpful person and if I can do something I will always do for people but if I can't , I just cannot. It's clear this thing was preplanned and orchestrated in a way to avoid me blocking it. My IL usually has no problem contacting me directly for things so this has really pissed me off. H doesn't have my back on this so I'm just going to look out for myself and my baby. My family don't operate on a favour for favour thing so when I mentioned the situation to my sister she was shocked that it's even happening and she's disappointed that no one seems to have sense enough to stop this from happening or no one is better advising IL and added that it shouldn't be me to have to say anything DH should have shut it down and I would never have needed to even know there was a request but here we are. She added that now I know what their game is and the thinking that it's theirs sons/brothers house so they have free reign I need to manage the relationship a little differently going forward.

Anyway it looks like the day is going to happen regardless and I'll be in my room for the day. My family live quite far and I don't want to be too far away from the hospital should anything happen so I'll be binge watching something on TV and I'll pop down to collect some food or order in. Gosh I feel so sorry for myself and highly annoyed. I can get very disrespectful if needed but I really don't want to go down that road and as newlyweds I'm trying to respect his family even though it's clearly not being reciprocated. Hopefully there won't be a next time because my attitude will be complely different should such a request be mentioned. And hopefully me staying upstairs will be a clear enough message!

These are not people who are going to get the message from you staying in your room. They have the hides of rhinos and, unfathomably, the support of your DH. I am so furious on your behalf.

Sorry OP but there will be a 'next time', and many of them. Now is the time to kick off and set your boundary.

Oh my goodness, OP. Thanks for the update. I am so sorry that this jugernaut is still motoring along.

Is there any merit at all in you speaking directly to your ILs now and saying it is causing you great unhappiness and stress at a time when you should be happy and relaxed and could they please relocate?

I hate to say it but I can't see 30 adults and 10 children leaving you alone in your room. They will tapping on the door/coming to see you every few mins. You shouldn't have to go elsewhere but is there anywhere you could spend the day relaxing, away from this completely? A friend's house? I'd book a hotel room rather than face this selfish mob.

If you can afford it, is there a hotel you can check into? Or a friend you can crash with? I'd try to be out (but near hospital) entirely if you can.

A premier inn and a takeaway sounds like a price worth paying for peace. You can then return next day when he has tidied

Yea, sorry OP - I think that staying in your room is not going to make the point you think it is.
It’s just going to be really awkward and stressful
for you most likely.

You keep saying things like “they should realise” etc. But they don’t realise (or don’t care). So you need to tell them.

I would be absolutely furious with your DH, this is the most important time of your life to be relaxed and comfortable - and he’s allowing that to be ruined. For a stupid party.

@BrinaEds I'm so shocked a) your H thinks it's fine that his parents have sent invites to a party at your house that you knew nothing about, and b) he thinks this is fine when your baby will be either due or will have just been born.

I'm heavily pregnant now and the health and wellbeing of baby and I are my DH's no 1 priority. It must be incredibly upsetting to know that your H doesn't feel that about you and your baby .