I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

You just say no. end of

I vote YABU for kvetching to us instead of stating this as your boundaries to your friend. Some people just have no tact, and never will untill they are told. Now, if you've explained why not to friend and friend still insists you do it, that's something I could vote YANBU about.

You might not even be there that day! And presumably if you're in hospital giving birth your partner will be with you, not at home hosting a party for your weird friend?!
And it's not just the cold/flu you should be worrying about, but catching Covid...

This must be the most ridiculous request ever. You have to say no, what would happen if the baby arrived a few days before ?

Just say absolutely not! What if you go into labour early or on the day. Say no. No excuses needed.

Lool overstepping boundaries doesn't even begin to describe what their doing. 1. Their event their place or a venue. 2. Your pregnant you do not need to do anything for anyone, your health is more important than a party during pregnancy. Yes there is a lot colds and flus at this time so avoid gatherings if you can. 3. Your husband will support your decision because its not in either of your interest to be tidying and hosting. 4. above all no matter the favours. your Pregnant no stress to be had as its not good for you or baby end of. They can ask someone else.

PS: sorry, i didn't realise at first that it was your DH's own family who had made this extremely CF demand of you. If your DH is unwilling to tell them "No way" and back you up with this, I honestly think you'll need to reconsider your entire relationship with him, and consider kicking him out/ changing the locks etc so that you are guaranteed a quiet nest for you and your new baby.

Put all the extra loo roll, kitchen roll, and non perishables under your bed or hide it all somewhere else where your H won't find it and use it all up for the party.

Do you have a wardrobe? Shoe boxes? A chest of drawers for you or the baby? Put stuff in places he might not think of looking. What about the boot of your car?

Does your H see how exhausted you are, that you're sleeping so much? I'm guessing yes, but is ploughing ahead regardless because he puts his mother's whims ahead of your needs.

Your DH seems a bit of an idiot. Why on earth would he allow 40 people into your home when you could possibly have JUST HAD a baby or are about to. You need to tell him no and he needs to listen! If he doesn’t listen, go and spend the evening at your folks-and consider whether or not you’d want someone who clearly isn’t in your corner! I genuinely question whether these situations are real or have been concocted…

You sound like a lovely person , a bit to lovely. I would assume it is your first and the other couple don't have any children. So a few pointers:-
You may have already had the baby and been discharged from hospital on the day of the party, your insides will feel as if they have been torn in half or you may have had a c section.
You will have a new baby in the house you definitely will not feel up to hosting the party with 20-30 guest .
You haven't had the baby but are feeling like a beached whale also having Labour pains.
I really think you need to put yourself and your unborn child first in this and to quote a well known phrase
JUST SAY NO
Good luck with your new baby.

I got some eye rolls when I refused to go on an extended family weekend away for a significant birthday when I was 37 weeks with my first baby. “First babies are always late” apparently but it was a hard no from us.

Guess what happened on the Saturday lunchtime? Dramatic waters breaking leading to emergency c section. That would have been a barrel of laughs in a random cottage 3 hours drive from home..

I agree with everyone else - big fat no. No negotiation. And whilst you're about telling them No, tell them No you won't be hosting Christmas or new year either.

Take this a a practise run for keeping your boundaries when MIL wants to take your baby home with her overnight in week 2. I'm being serious - they don't seem to worry about your boundaries so you're going to need to be super vigilant about them

What kind of a friend would ask you to do such a thing at this time. Isn't she aware that you are nine months pregnant.

Anyway, acknowledge that you are indebted to them for a prior favor, but you cannot do a party in your house at this time.
"The doctor says it will be too stressful for me, and may even bring on premature labor."
That ought to do it.

No, no, no!
In no particular order:

1. you might be in hospital giving birth
2. you might be returning from hospital and not want to party in your house
3. after cleaning your house ready for a newborn baby, who on earth wants 30 people bring dirt and germs into the house, I mean at 9 months pregnant you might not want to socialise with all these people never mind have them in your house

I’m so cross for you!

please practise a loud laugh and “you must be joking” for all future requests to host events.

Your DH, WHAT’S wrong with him!!!!

This happened to me, a cottage hours away, waters breaking and giving birth when we got to hospital. Over 13 weeks early too! Babies are so unpredictable and precious I'm amazed that women are forced to work or do anything stressful during pregnancy.

I hate to stir this, but I think there was mention of you being set up for this ridiculousness (and for what? the same amount of catering anyone would do for a birthday bash, that is not a bargaining chip I could ever take seriously - and I agree with a pp that it was overstepping to "help" with the cooking, they trampled your boundary back then, too). It really feels like a test, like how much can we get away with imposing our will on the vessel who is carrying our son's child? How FUCKING DARE THEY? Any of them, your in laws and your husband owe you a massive apology for even suggesting this. I hope you find your voice and use it - very loudly. Your territory, your rules, and if your husband doesn't like that, well fuck him. Whose side is he on, yours or his mum's?

You have a H problem. Madness.

if you cant say no then just say your midwife has said it is a really bad idea as it is putting you at increased risk of getting Covid and the hospital wont admit you if you are positive

Is the party for loads of extended family? So they can show off for all the aunties who can coo over how well DH (and by association PIL) is doing with his lovely large home and expectant wife? I've seen this family dynamic lots of times, it's only going to get worse when baby is here. If your husband doesn't back you on this, it would make me seriously evaluate the relationship and commitment to you.

Absolutely not.
Just say no. No need to offer elaborate explanations and trying anyone to get to understand you or approve of your decision.
Place your boundaries. Good luck 🙂

I'd just say no. I wouldn't even enter into a discussion about it with either the in-laws or dh - other than to may be laugh at how ridiculous it is that they even thought it was a possibility.

So what if one of your in-laws cooked for your dh's party previously - that's completely irrelevant. If anyone tried to bring that up, I'd be closing that conversation down instantly.

And in the future, if you want to hire a caterer, then just hire a caterer.

The old adage ‘sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money’ springs to mind.
YANBU

I personally think you're insane for entertaining the idea. At 9 months I wouldn't have even wanted to attend a party, never mind host one. I know you say it's your DH family so he needs to decide but if my DH decided to go ahead with this (hell he could pay for a catering team, decorating team, cleaning team) and disrespected my wants as an expectant mother at full term I would take that as a sure fire sign he gave no fucks about me and the baby, his family were his priority and I would show him the door. They've also asked you, it's YOUR home, in laws or not I wouldn't give two hoots I'd say no to them in the same way I'd say no to anyone else. Doesn't matter if they helped you out - if they used this as a way to emotionally black Mail you in to hosting this party when you don't feel comfortable they're just jerks. They'll also think they can do it as and when they want going forward, when you've got a baby.

Say no immediately! Please!

'No sorry, under other circumstances it might be a goer, but I'd hate to have to let you down if the baby is early' (and no, you will not be able to do it with a newborn baby in the house either if they try suggesting that!). I suggest that DH deals with this and also comes up with an alternative solution as that always helps a 'No' go down better. But his job to come up with the alternative - not yours!