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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

593 replies

BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:20

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
pinkpantherpink · 05/10/2022 18:31

A big fat No

I can't believe they even suggested it given the number of weeks!

cc120 · 05/10/2022 18:31

why can't you say no? if she can't understand or care about your condition/advanced pregnancy, then what good is she to you at any time now or in your future.

MeAndMyKatzen · 05/10/2022 18:32

YANBU. Firstly say "No" because right now you're knackered and really can't cope with the thought of doing it when you're NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!!

And secondly, what kind of "close friend" even asks this of someone who is just about to give birth?!

Tell her no. You have the power to repay the favour on your own terms, in the future, when your "baby" is, let's say.... 25?! 😁

Good luck X

Speakingofdinosaurs · 05/10/2022 18:35

Just say no!
I’m a way you are doing this for your DH and the health of your marriage too.
How could you ever forgive him if something happened - high blood pressure, preeclampsia, etc. etc.

Missingpop · 05/10/2022 18:36

Any true friends would see this is wholly inconsiderate & inappropriate at such a late stage in your pregnancy; what haploid you go into labour the day before? Are you just expected to carry on as normal you need time to prepare yourself for your new baby not sort out finger foods & mixers. Both you & your husband need to unite & stand firm in this yours & your unborn child’s health come first; people milling around your home isn’t an option there’s still a risk with covid & it’s a risk you can’t take!! And why can’t they have the party at their own home? Or in the local pub? Hire a hall? Anything but your home it’s too much of a risk to you & your child x

LaughingCat · 05/10/2022 18:38

I just gave my OH the premise and he just shook his head and said, “Ridiculous, absolutely not.”

Utterly in agreement, with most other people here. Hopefully your DH will see from the strength of feeling here, that this is a blitheringly idiotic idea at this point of your pregnancy.

RampantIvy · 05/10/2022 18:38

For those who haven't read the OP's updates (which are highlighted) the "close friend" is the in laws.

T1Dmama · 05/10/2022 18:40

You need to inform your friend that you don’t feel up to hosting a party for strangers at your house. Tell her you’ll be heavily pregnant / fit to burst by then and it’s simply too much for you having the pressure to prep, host and then clean up after!
why can’t your friend host her own party at her house? OR hire a small hall somewhere…
it’s totally unreasonable for her to even ask such a big thing!

OhMalakas · 05/10/2022 18:41

BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 16:15

I think this what I'll have to do, I've said I don't think it's a good idea and I don't think it's considerate but nothing seems to move DH thinking

Show quote history

Stop telling him you don't think it's a good idea or considerate and tell him straight that it's absolutely not happening. Suggest he pays for room hire instead to help them seeing as they think they are owed a favour in return.

RampantIvy · 05/10/2022 18:42

@BrinaEds I find it worrying that you can't even just say "this isn't happening" to your husband. Are you afraid of him?

HellinGreece · 05/10/2022 18:43

What in the world is wrong with your PILs. I mean what if you give birth day before the party and will be coming home on the day of the party with all those people there. Not only you will most likely not want 1 person there let alone a party that also could be rife with cold, flu or even covid. How irresponsible of pils to not even consider it and that's one of many reasons for which I can think they are bonkers.

Dig yours heels in on this one for sure!

Schnooze · 05/10/2022 18:51

Just say nope not happening. Not at 9 months pregnant! No way.

DeadDonkey · 05/10/2022 18:51

I wouldn't be considering this at 37 weeks. They need to be told 'no'.

Thinking2022 · 05/10/2022 18:55

really urge you to say no - just explain the midwives have advised you the baby may arrive early and it would be dreadful for your friend if you couldn't host it because you were in labour on the date in question

Thinking2022 · 05/10/2022 18:56

the baby may arrive early - this really cannot happen at your house

Danikm151 · 05/10/2022 18:58

Oh geeee what a shame, there’s a pipe leak so you can’t host that day

moose62 · 05/10/2022 18:59

Going against the grain, I think it is a bit late ti say no now. They have obviously orchestrated it this way but if you didn't say no when it was first suggested I think you have to go with it. Personally, I would leave your DH and MIL to do all the work whilst you go elsewhere for the day and make sure they have booked and paid for a cleaning team to come in the next day.

Whilst you feel tired, if you don't do any of the work it should affect you too badly and will leave you with a good few brownie points.

Delphinium20 · 05/10/2022 18:59

I'm so angry on your behalf. Your MIL should know and remember how hard and overwhelming having a baby is...and the first time especially. Your home should be your sanctuary and it's not good for your labor or your pregnancy to feel as if your 'shelter' is at risk, it can stall labor. Giving birth and nesting are deeply instinctual actions and you can't 'argue yourself' into overlooking this very important need that every pregnant woman feels. Again, your ILs should know this...their behavior (and SIL if she's had kids) is outrageous. Also, you don't really know how hard having a baby is because you haven't gone through it. Your tiredness and instincts are guiding you on the right path, but my god, your DH and ILs are taking advantage of your lack of experience. It's why parents w/ more than one child are much better at advocating boundaries w/ later pregnancies...we know better. Also, what if you give birth 2 days before party is scheduled? Your CF ILs might argue that they can't cancel on guests and you'd be inundated with 40 people trying to use the loo when you're trying to take your first piss/poo postpartum (it's not pretty, not gonna lie). No way in hell should this party take place.

Delphinium20 · 05/10/2022 19:04

TheMerryWidow1 · 05/10/2022 16:37

please put your foot down, I don't have children and even I know this is a no go. Your home will be in a mess after and men never clear up the same way as we do, so you will still have stuff to do.

This!

T1Dmama · 05/10/2022 19:04

I’d say no, too close to my due date and too much … if they/your husband insists then take yourself somewhere else for 3 nights (night before, during and after the party!)… if they say ‘what if you go into labour… say ‘EXACTLY!!!’…..
Have you parents or friends you can spend a few nights with?

Bugbabe1970 · 05/10/2022 19:10

Are you serious?
What is wrong with you people?

chaosmaker · 05/10/2022 19:11

Can't believe that you haven't already said no, I'd be pointing out that they offered to help you, you didn't ask them. If they mention it, that is. Maybe point them to local halls they can hire for their party :) Sending you tough thoughts and loud 'NO's to pass on to them.

SingleMamaG · 05/10/2022 19:11

This is what being pregnant is all about. We give up so much but we hold the power of NO.
“Can you come to my hen do?” “Can’t I’m pregnant”
“Can you come to the Body Shop Party I’m organising? “Soz I’m on bedrest”
”Can you take me to the airport?” “Not today friend”
Kids can also be used for get out clauses. Maisie’s playing up I need to get her home!
Sorry I can’t find a sitter for your Murder Mystery Birthday do, SOZZLES.

ScotsBluebell · 05/10/2022 19:13

Please, please, please just say no, for your own sake and the sake of your baby. You have no idea what might happen in the next few weeks. You could be in labour, you could be in hospital, you could already have given birth and be at home with a brand new baby. All your focus should be on that AND NOTHING ELSE. Listen to what everyone else on here is saying and tell your in-laws it's a big fat no.

Saju1 · 05/10/2022 19:20

Once people have babies, they can lose friends. Some people don't understand that you are just not the same anymore and that your baby will always come first.

Any stress, especially during your due can bring on a baby.

I would suggest that if you do have the party at your place, tell them they have to organise a cleaner before the party and after. Also, that you and your husband will not be able to help out with anything. Your husband can't help because he is looking after you, not the guests or the party. You are allowing them to use the space, not to be using you as the hosts.

Alternatively, you could just say that you are feeling more tired every day, and don't want a load of strangers while you feel sick at home, or potentially going into labour with a load of strangers hearing you moan from the pain!

There are so many excuses you can give as a pregnant woman haha