I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

@BrinaEds - I really, really want to sit your dh and your in-laws down and read them the Riot Act, about how selfish they are being to expect this of you, when you are so pregnant!

Could you say to your dh that, if the party goes ahead at your house, you will be going elsewhere - your parents/a friend’s house/a hotel, and you will come back when all the clearing up has been done, and he’s put the house back exactly as you left it?

You need to get your DH to understand that he needs your permission to throw a party in the marital home. He doesn’t get to just issue a decree and order you around! You don’t need to convince him that a party is a bad idea, just refuse. If talking to him turns into an argument, send text messages.

To DH: “DH I’m feeling really shocked and hurt that you’re trying to bully me into having a party in our home around the date I’m due to give birth! You do realise that this stress is extremely bad for the baby?! That you may need to drive me to hospital urgently, any day now? That labour can last for days, even a week?! There WILL BE NO PARTY HERE. I refuse. If you try to go ahead and throw the party then you may as well move out right now because I will not be married to a bully who won’t look after his wife when she’s 9 months pregnant.”

Then messages to everyone in DH’s family “Hi, OP here. There’s been some confusion about the possibility of a party soon in my house. I am nearly nine months pregnant and may go into labour at any time. Much of my time labouring will need to be at home: hospitals only accept women in late stage labour. I need the house quiet and clean and there is no way we can have a party here. I’m shocked and hurt that it has even been suggested.”

No... no... you just say no!!! I'm almost 8 months pregnant and in cannot think of anything worse. What if you go into labour mid party, what if you pick up covid and your partner can't be at your birth?? This is one of those times you get to put yourself first. Your friend is mad to have asked! I can't believe they would ask you!

he seems he sleeping all the time, with barely energy to cook most evenings doesn't seem to register

You have a DH problem.

I've bought extra loo roll, kitchen roll and other non perishables just in case baby comes early

Is he incapable of going to the shops? You have a DH problem.

I think in their minds they can use this place like a function hall

YOU HAVE A DH PROBLEM!

Nip it in the bud now, before baby arrives.

This - @Pineappleflowers has said exactly what I would - but better!

We had about 40 people here for DH birthday and the cooking was shared between my mum and sister who did 2 dishes each plus salads and my MIL, SIL and AIL who each did 1 dish so wasn't massively taxing as it was shared. I offered to pay for all the raw ingredients but they all declined, and I thought that was very kind considering the current climate. I'm always mindful about asking anything from anyone which is why I wanted to just go with a caterer as expensive as it was I just didn't want the fuss

1dish!!!! Your MIL did 1 dish am I reading that right ? You don’t owe you PIL anything, you need to examine where this guilt is coming from.

The thing is, you shouldn’t be relying on your midwife to say it’s not a good idea to have a party. Your DH should be listening to you and respecting that you don’t want it.

I agree with be firm and just say no. You will have to advocate for baby once born, you are just doing that now. It might all be fine but it might not and that what if will always be there eg if he gets covid and misses birth, if you are stressed and it affects labour. You have hosted a big party so know all the extra stuff that goes into it. Things will get moved or used. Furnishings get damaged.
It’s very natural you want everything calm and in place for baby.
He’s either very stupid eg thinking baby will come on date or very unfeeling.

please put your foot down, I don't have children and even I know this is a no go. Your home will be in a mess after and men never clear up the same way as we do, so you will still have stuff to do.

Gosh OP, your husband is in for a shock at the reality of a baby if he thinks this is at all reasonable.
Just say to him DH no, this party won't be happening in our house, it's entirely ridiculous to think it can be hosted here given that the baby could arrive at any time and that is the single biggest priority we have.

End of
No further discussion. No compromise and no other solutions. The request is utterly utterly ridiculous.

Just no.
Flat no.

Let them sulk, or throw toys out of the pram, or however they're going to react. Fuck em.

Absolutely not. Your husband needs to show some consideration and respect.

I'd be tempted to ask him when he first heard about this plan. If its been plotted for a while.

Just say no due to infection risk as you'll be shielding ready for your birth. YANBU

Good. You are being bullied. Please make some notes and make your midwife aware that he is allowing his family go bully you. I genuinely would be concerned for PND in your shoes so I would also discuss that with her in front of him.

So your DH would rather upset you than his mum? Don't allow them to set a precedent of using your house as their go to venue. Will you be expected to host all family events from now on? Christmas? All birthdays? Say no now or you're setting up yourself for future trauma. Boundaries needed, big time.

That is unbelievable! Utterly bonkers... You might be in labour by then. Your waters might break in the middle of the party. You might even have a baby who's a few days' old by then. Are they nuts??? Those are the worst case scenarios; best case scenario you'll be needing to rest. Extraordinary and unreasonable demands on you!!! Hope you sort this out :-)

I was 8 months pregnant when I held a party for my husbands birthday. The family rallied round and helped but I was exhausted. It was my 2nd baby so I knew what was going to happen but no way would I have done it at 9 months!!! The day I gave birth I laid on the sofa and couldn't move and that wasn't active labour! I couldn't imagine hosting a party for someone else and them expecting it to happen or my husband going along with the idea, especially as you could be in labour on the day of the party!

I am appalled that your husband is not considering yours and babys health and wellbeing and respecting your needs given you are on the verge of putting your body through something incredibly amazing but also very taxing and painful (but worth it!)

You could always leave the festivities, with much drama, after all the guests have arrived. A bit of screaming might be in order...

This has to be a NO! They are taking the piss.
u May go in to labour on that very day!

Invite your Mum or Sis (or both) over for a few days of "Pre-Granny/Aunty" pampering with you...Oh, sorry Cheeky F*ing ILs, there's no room at the Inn ours for you.

Get used to upsetting the apple cart now. Say no and if a reason is required, it’s very simple, you’re about to give birth! If they can’t see past that, then as a PP said, “fuck ‘em!”

How far away does your Mum live?
Does she have a spare room and room for a moses basket ?

Offer this solution to "D" H - you can move out for a few days... "Don't worry, "D" H, I'll get my lovely Mum to text you when you're a dad."

“If I wasn’t going to be nine months pregnant of course I would, but unfortunately I will be. Apart from anything else I might have the baby early so it’s best you have the party somewhere else.”

Why are we even still discussing this as an ongoing conversation,just plodding along asking and answered more questions.no! Just stop!
no background,no backstory or drip feed could possibly make this ok.
and you should not need your midwife for anything. Apart from if you need support to say your family are pressuring you and you feel you can’t say no so need help.
no one who loves you should be asking this of you.
without a baby you would not be ur to not want a party in your home but with,and so far along,no.