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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

593 replies

BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:20

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
bellac11 · 04/10/2022 19:19

Is there something else going on with the in laws, did they contribute massively to the house or something which they think gives them the right to boss their son (and therefore you) around?

Its not even up for discussion really, its just no!

Worriedaboutethics · 04/10/2022 19:23

@BrinaEds

they are madness and also so selfish

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2022 19:24

You say you will be 9 months by then. Are you now 37 weeks op? 37 weeks is considered full term. People are right. Your midwife would be outraged. You should be nesting right now not preparing to have a large group of strangers in your home. I think you need to have a Frank conversation with your dh that his loyalties now lie with his wife and child.

Tbh if he allows this to go ahead, this is something you may struggle to forgive him for as it could easily shatter your peace or make you or the baby ill. Not getting support from a partner increases the risk of postnatal depression. His mother is especially a CF as she must remember how uncomfortable and tiring it is to be full term and your dh needs to get his head out of the sand.

Zonder · 04/10/2022 19:26

Insane.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/10/2022 19:35

Err just say no!

jayho · 04/10/2022 19:36

AT MOST I would offer relative use of the space on the understanding that they do all catering and cleaning with clearly defined times. they should leave your house as they found it.

You will not be able to attend, either stay in your room or go out.

If you have any, even minimal, signs of labour, the party will be cancelled.

be very clear that people will not be in your home if you feel close to giving birth.

or just say no and tell them to fuck off :)

comfortablyfrumpy · 04/10/2022 19:38

Honestly it is a ridiculous request.
You are not obliged , no matter how much they have helped you.
They are being ridiculous in asking.

Madamecastafiore · 04/10/2022 19:42

Fuck that. At most offer the telephone number for the local church hall. Why are you allowing yourself to be railroaded into this?

Howyiz · 04/10/2022 19:44

What the fuck is wrong with people!
Tell your DH to cop the fuck on, and the answer is no.
Don't start a precedent that your house becomes their party pad.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/10/2022 19:46

slithytoveisascientist · 04/10/2022 18:18

OP you need to be stronger for you and your baby. None of this weak ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea’. Try ‘no we aren’t having a party here’.

repeat.

then go with ‘I am nearly full term and this stress you are putting me under is bad for the baby and my labour - please don’t put us at risk’

Then go back to no.

no alternatives no offer of other help, just a polite no. And whatever you are doing in life right now at 37 weeks pregnant scale it right back , you need to get your energy stores up and stress levels down.

This is an excellent answer. Text both DH and In-laws
A resounding "No that is not happening under any circumstances and I will not change my mind."
Stand up for your baby and your own health. No one else is.

Make your plan now and be very firm about what happens when baby arrives too, or they could end up inviting the party guests to "see the baby" and go ahead with it anyway.

tara66 · 04/10/2022 19:48

You will be completely exhausted if you undertake this large party.
You need to REST for the birth and to save all your strength for that!
What are they thinking?! Very strange and potentially dangerous for you and baby. Do not do it!

Ragwort · 04/10/2022 19:51

How can you have any respect for your DH if he can't say 'no' to his parents.

Jaaxe · 04/10/2022 19:51

Defo say no, why can’t they host their own party

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 04/10/2022 19:54

No, sorry can't do.

MelodyPondsMum · 04/10/2022 20:08

It's complete nonsense. You could have your baby by then. You could go into labour at the party. Say 'no'. If you need some moral support rope in your friends or parents. I can just imagine what my DM would have said to Dh and MIL if they had tried to do something like that when I was expecting my first.

Clarich007 · 04/10/2022 20:13

So sorry you don't feel able to say no. I think they are really selfish for even asking. My niece is due to give bith in a few days. There's no way on earth I would ask her that.Please say no!!
💐Take care hope the birth goes well for you x

REignbow · 04/10/2022 20:14

What utter madness have l just read!!

No, no.NO!

I would tell your DH, that you will not be slaving away organising/cooking and serving ANYONE at 9 months pregnant. I would say that you will not be doing this even if you had the baby early. Has he not thought about you getting covid? Has he not thought or planned that you may be in labour at this time?

Tell him to organise this party at a restaurant.

I agree with a pp, that your il’s are trying to be the first in the pecking order of your husband and probably your child when they are born. They totally set you up. With people like this, you CANNOT give them an inch. They will ignore all your boundaries. Ignore any tantrums from them.

You need to read about toxic in laws.

Dancingjane · 04/10/2022 20:18

This is a time when you should be relaxing and putting your feet up looking forward to your newborn. Tell DH no and your not moving from your decision.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 04/10/2022 20:20

Uanbu. They are.
I would do one of two things. I would say no, obviously not at 9 months.

  1. If you are ignored when you say no, I would probably have tobreak up and kick out dp/dh. Or move out. Because that is disrespectful to carry on planning it if you have told them no. 9 months prenant, your home whete is the redpect for those things? Phone them yourself and tell them you nor anybody else is hosting a party in your house and they will need to make other arrangments. Rent a venue or something.
Not your problem.
Forgottenmypasswordagain · 04/10/2022 20:21

Sorry for the typos, I lost my styles.

BobDear · 04/10/2022 20:24

Hard 'no' OBVIOUSLY

This is one of those occasions where I would be so annoyed with DH that I would be forced to write it down (it's just how I am when I want to get my point across uninterrupted)

I would be saying along the lines of:

"I was actually hoping you would come to your senses and advocate for me about this, so I'm pretty disappointed and actually baffled, to have to spell it out to you, but OBVIOUSLY I am not up for hosting a party for someone at nine months pregnant. Presumably I don't have to give you the specific reasons why, but for fun - here are two random ones: EXHAUSTION and POSSIBLE LABOUR.

Please inform your family that we won't be hosting anything and - frankly I'm unlikely to be able to even attend a party at that point in my pregnancy - and please ensure that when you let them know, you do so in a way that is supportive and aligned with me.

I don't want to hear another word about it, apart from 'sorry for even thinking it was a good idea. I must have lost my mind'. Thank you."

SuSen · 04/10/2022 20:29

Exactly what @BobDear said. And it DH was still being a prick I'd be changing the locks on the doors and kicking him out. I'd let him return for the birth of the child if he'd come to his senses.

Jaaxe · 04/10/2022 20:32

BobDear · 04/10/2022 20:24

Hard 'no' OBVIOUSLY

This is one of those occasions where I would be so annoyed with DH that I would be forced to write it down (it's just how I am when I want to get my point across uninterrupted)

I would be saying along the lines of:

"I was actually hoping you would come to your senses and advocate for me about this, so I'm pretty disappointed and actually baffled, to have to spell it out to you, but OBVIOUSLY I am not up for hosting a party for someone at nine months pregnant. Presumably I don't have to give you the specific reasons why, but for fun - here are two random ones: EXHAUSTION and POSSIBLE LABOUR.

Please inform your family that we won't be hosting anything and - frankly I'm unlikely to be able to even attend a party at that point in my pregnancy - and please ensure that when you let them know, you do so in a way that is supportive and aligned with me.

I don't want to hear another word about it, apart from 'sorry for even thinking it was a good idea. I must have lost my mind'. Thank you."

Absolutely this hahaha

ClownSchool · 04/10/2022 20:36

Perhaps it would help to focus your husband’s mind if you were to start experiencing some Braxton Hicks contractions in the very near future. 😶

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/10/2022 20:43

@BobDear Awesome!