Have people forgotten "Be Kind"

[Steppymum]

I only joined mumsnet recently. I've been a stepmum for around 2 years so relatively new to the role. I thought joining mumsnet would be good for getting advice and tips as well as venting about some of the stresses of parenting amd everyday life.

I've started 2 threads about 2 separate topics and commented on others posts. Of course eveyone is entitled to their opinions and it's always good to get another perspective. But within a week I've been called a cunt, an arsehole, told I don't deserve friends, I'm too involved with my DSD, my DSDs care is non of my business, I sounds like an nightmare etc. etc.

Of course there have been some positive comments as well but it's the negative ones that always stick. If people think I'm being unreasonable I'm happy to hear their reason but I think calling a stranger a cunt etc is unnecessary. People seem to read part of the post, miss out a chunk, make assumptions and twist every word you say. And it seems as a stepmum I'm already public enemy number one. 🤣

How have other people found the site? Am I just being too soft? Is it worth sticking around?

YABU to bring up 'Be Kind', which I think most of us are heartily sick of being told.

Apart from that, YANBU. MN and particularly AIBU can be a brutal place, esp. if your a stepmum and you're spot on that a lot of posters don't read posts properly, deliberately troll, misunderstand and are just downright unpleasant.

If someone has come on here and it’s clear that that are having a difficult time do you really believe that they can’t be bullied ? That they are pathetic when it gets so personal (and isn’t calling those that feel bullied pathetic personal)

many people reach out for advice when they are vulnerable some amazing advice and support is given on MN

what sadly some do on here is decide to kick them down, make personal digs I’ve reported it many times and every time MN has taken the thread down (sometimes not soon enough) as I know I’m not the only one reporting it

but carry on calling women pathetic who by not just their standards but others to have been bullied

I can’t get over how timid some women are on here! A lot of them wouldn’t say boo to a goose, and think that having an opinion that doesn’t agree with theirs constitutes bullying.

If’s utterly pathetic! I honestly don’t know how they survive in the real world!

When you write on a forum the only thing people can see is the words you use so you need to be very careful that what you write communicates what you want to say

Expecting people to interpret your posts in the way you want is foolish

Your op is a classic example - you use a term "be kind" that many people associate with bullying and abusive behaviour .

The only safe response is " sorry I didn't realIse - what I was trying to say is that I was brought up to keep unkind thoughts to myself / to give a negative message in a positive way / to critique a behaviour not a person /// whatever you meant

A lot of posters on AIBU specifically are bullies. Mean, nasty people who have nothing better to do with their lives than make people in crappy situations feel bad about themselves.

I have also received a lot of abuse from some posters on this forum. A few instances where 3 or 4 posters ganged up together. I come back though because the advice from most posters is really supportive and helpful.

A lot of Mumsnet is just sifting through the ignorance and rudeness to find someone who gets it.

A lot of posters on AIBU specifically are bullies. Mean, nasty people who have nothing better to do with their lives than make people in crappy situations feel bad about themselves.

Or a lot of posters are whiny babies who can't handle the slightest criticism (while being perfectly happy to hand it out) and should toddle off to netmums to get hunned and babed to their hearts content.

@MooseBreath Or a lot of posters are just whiny self absorbed attention seekers who cry bullying when they behave like cunts and people tell them that they are indeed cunts!

I'd say "and" rather than "or". Both of those things can be true.

This

the lack of insight from posters is astonishing.

Some posters aren't "whiny babies" and don't deserve the abuse hurled at them. I recall being berated and told I was stupid, irresponsible, and a bad mother for getting pregnant whilst on the pill (I had name-changed for that thread). It was not deserved or whiny in the least, and the past few replies kind of proves my point.

@MooseBreath No idea if what you’re saying is true! You would have to link to the thread. Context is everything!

I think it's best to call out the snarky posters, the majority of people on here are lovely but you do tend to get the odd twat spoiling for a fight.

This this and this!

To be fair

you’re not the most objective person when talking about your own thread! 😂

Now the context is everything …. I knew this would be quoted sooner or later

a poster has just old you she was called stupid, a bad mother and irresponsible foe becoming pregnant while on the pill

and you think that can be justified ?

I wonder that too sometimes.

Most of what I wanted to say has already been said.

I've had my arse handed to me on mn more than once, and it's not pleasant. I very rarely start threads any more, although I'm a prolific poster.

But I love mn. It entertains me, I learn stuff.
You just need to navigate it in a way which works for you.

But, just to say, in response to this
The fact that people are focusing on me using the phrase "be kind" rather than the actual point I was trying to make kind of proves my point

I'd just point out, that was in your title. So you can't really be surprised that this is what people are focused on. Because they're already thinking about that hashing as they click on the thread. And it's very emotive. As has been pointed out.

Yup.

Absolutely
As is Karen

Regards your post, OP, no you do not deserve that .
As others have stated, though, report Every Time

I posted under a different username last week in chat - so not even aibu. It was roughly regarding whether I should offer some help - a lot of replies were nice, either agreed or disagreed but wrote nicely both ways. Then I was called arrogant, interfering and a few other horrid things. So I asked for it to be taken down because it made me feel awful.

@HRTQueen Again, if you link to the thread, people can make up their own minds.
You’re hardly going to be objective about your own thread, are you?

I do LOATHE this 'be kind' bullshit sorry @Steppymum It's had its day and has just been a bit naff for a couple of years now. I am really sorry you have had nasty shit to deal with on here, but as some people have said, regrettably 'be kind' is pretty much exclusively aimed at women these days. It's the new 'stop nagging...' and is designed to shut women down.

As I said in a thread the other day, 'be kind' is often emblazoned across lots of frilly little girls T-shirts... And aimed at teenage girls too. (Along with fluffy kittens, unicorns, and Disney characters...)

But on boys T-shirts, (little boys and teenage boys T-shirts,) It's all science based, tech based, and gaming based. Or has 'be bold' 'be brave' 'be strong' ... and yet the girls clothes have 'be kind.' Fucks me RIGHT off!

So others can decide if the remarks made were unkind and bullying. I’m sure MooseBreath is able to call that herself

isnt calling a women who becomes pregnant while on the pill stupid, irresponsible and a bad mother unkind ?

There are no bullies. You cant bully via anonymous words on a screen to other anonymous words on a screen.

How extremely naive. One of the earliest recognised forms of InterNet bullying back in the 1980s was sexual attacks described on female characters in text-based multi-user online role-playing games. That was "via anonymous words on a screen" too. The bullying was entirely fantasies on a made-up characters but the effects were real. People identify with their on-screen personas. An attack on Amaryllis is also an attack on me, the person typing as Amaryllis and expressing my views as Amaryllis. Even though you don't know who that is.