Have people forgotten "Be Kind"

[Steppymum]

I only joined mumsnet recently. I've been a stepmum for around 2 years so relatively new to the role. I thought joining mumsnet would be good for getting advice and tips as well as venting about some of the stresses of parenting amd everyday life.

I've started 2 threads about 2 separate topics and commented on others posts. Of course eveyone is entitled to their opinions and it's always good to get another perspective. But within a week I've been called a cunt, an arsehole, told I don't deserve friends, I'm too involved with my DSD, my DSDs care is non of my business, I sounds like an nightmare etc. etc.

Of course there have been some positive comments as well but it's the negative ones that always stick. If people think I'm being unreasonable I'm happy to hear their reason but I think calling a stranger a cunt etc is unnecessary. People seem to read part of the post, miss out a chunk, make assumptions and twist every word you say. And it seems as a stepmum I'm already public enemy number one. 🤣

How have other people found the site? Am I just being too soft? Is it worth sticking around?

Thanks that's reassuring to know. 😊

Keyboard warriors are the worst I bet they wouldn't have the balls to be that rude to your face. Some people just love being rude/mean must get some sort of kick out of it.

Karma is a bitch though so I'm sure they'll get there's at some point we can but hope

As previous posters have said step mums get a bad response on here no matter how good your relationship with step child

Pretty sure there's lots of bitter and twisted people say behind these keyboards

You get Be Kind bollocks anywhere.Some of us appreciate a site that you can be a fully fledged adult and speak like one. Of you're being a total cunt, sometimes you need to be told, simple as that.

I mean it's absolutely impossible sometimes to give the full backstory without writing a novel so you try to summarise and folk jump to conclusions and fill in any gaps themselves. Even when you try to go into more detail to explain, it's not good enough as they've already made up their mind.

I find 'Be Kind' to be honest works both ways. You get people using it as a phrase when you know they're not really that way in real life.

I can't stand the phrase now. Either follow it up with a 'Be Kind' action and mean it or just bugger off.

You get Be Kind bollocks anywhere.Some of us appreciate a site that you can be a fully fledged adult and speak like one. Of you're being a total cunt, sometimes you need to be told, simple as that.

Yes, a fully fledged adult, but that isn't the same as a fully-fledged arsehole.

I've no problem at all with strong words and criticisms when merited, but if somebody's whole repertoire of human communication is going for the jugular, without any range or nuance of expression and conveying differing emotions and feelings, they just become the linguistic equivalent of the boy who cried wolf; like those people who use swear words instead of punctuation, every other word, and you quickly just give up on trying to filter out what they're actually trying to say.

I think the same about parents who never speak to their kids, but only ever shout at them. Maybe they think it's an ongoing demonstration of their parental authority (personally, I find it abusive); but if it's your default, what do you have left when you DO need to shout/berate/discipline them?

Depends. Were you being a cunt?

Context is everything.

I've been on social media since before it was called social media and I've seen that anyone can go on the attack or get sucked into a flame war or a pile-on. There will be some topic that is personally painful, some wording that irritates, some day when we're feeling reactive. It's not usually a personality thing.

And you can't expect to have a mature argument and vent your feelings. If you vent yours then other people will vent theirs back at you. And it will probably escalate.

Same here
I will be kind to people who deserve it, I won’t let people get away with shit just because it’s “kind” to do so

I think BeKind is as enraging as the 'Keep Calm and..' or the 'Smile love, it might never happen'.

Bullshit aggressive sayings used to keep, usually women, quiet and in their place.

There are some nasty bullies on MN they are like sheep one starts and others follow

often quite manipulative with their responses

it will get defended as well this is AIBU and if you can’t handle the truth. It’s all about honesty here nonsense

as we have already seen today …..

It would be interesting to have links to the threads you started…

There’s no way a comment calling someone a cunt would be left to stand by MNHQ.

So did you report it OP? Did someone else? A comment like that would 100% have been deleted.

While I don’t believe that personal attacks are ok, and there absolutely are threads where people are rounded on, it’s impossible to say whether your situation is one which merited some straight talking rather than hugs and unconditional support.

If you’ve posted 2 threads on here and have had a hard time on both, and have had a hard time when replying to other threads, then I’d suggest there is more here which you’re not saying.

And while it doesn’t justify calling you a cunt (if that actually happened), then the truth is that you can’t expect all agreement all of the time.

FWIW I don’t subscribe to the view that posting on AIBU makes you ripe for a kicking either. AIBU should be got rid of IMO. But there are definitely threads where people post the most outragious things and then cry “bullying” when people don’t agree with them.

There are no bullies. You cant bully via anonymous words on a screen to other anonymous words on a screen.
Anyone who feels bullied needs to grow up and close the site until they get over themselves.

Thank you. Some great advice 😊

You need to post in correct topics much calmer outside aibu

I think I'm going to just join a dedicated forum for stepmums. 😊

Forget it? No, I rejected the #bekind commandment and all its nonsense about prioritising feelings over boundaries.

I am truthful and fair though.

I can’t imagine a more bleaker place

"Be kind" is as much bollocks as clapping for the NHS was.

are you really suggesting that there is never any bullying on MN or in general social media

mh point is people are already defending bulling that goes on

And why's that?

Did I say general social media? No. So why would you suggest I did?

This is an anonymous site. You can't be bullied, if you don't like the comments you can just namechange or switch it off, no-one can find you or follow you to bully you.
Grown women claiming to be bullied on MN, it's pathetic. Someone calling you a twat when you've described how you've been a twat is not bullying. It's AIBU. If you don't like it, don't use it.

So the threads you started…. Full of joy?

Your ‘be kind’ Bollox has set the tone of the thread! I judge anyone harshly that comes out with this dirge!
If you’d have said for instance, why are step parents judged badly (in your opinion) then you would probably have had different responses!