Step parent adoption

[Usernameinvalid16]

I posted this on the adoption thread but there was no replies.

I was looking for some advice with a step parent adoption. We are in Scotland.


My partner wishes to adopt my DD8. Her biological father is not on her birth certificate and has had no contact with her since she was 2.


However, he recently got into contact through a lawyer and wishes to have contact again and is taking the matter to court. Would this impact the adoption procedures when we start them? I know we have to continue the court case legally until we have officially started our adoption procedure.


If anyone could help us out with the length of time the adoption could take and what steps we need to take that would be greatly appreciated.

[DemBonesDemBones]

@MayThe4th that's nonsense.

[DemBonesDemBones]

My Husband adopted our Daughter 7 years ago. Her biological father didn't contest but the social worker said even if he had a judge would likely allow the adoption anyway as he'd never attempted contact with our Daughter. It's a shame you didn't get any replies on the adoption board because you'll get a lot of angry and completely wrong responses here.
Good luck

[CombatBarbie]

You are going to need bio dad's consent for a start. I don't think the courts would deem 2yrs long enough tbh. And your DP does know that in the event that yous split up he is then financially obliged to pay for your child via CMS.

We looked at this with my daughter and the court, although very understanding of our particular situation, said they wouldn't honour it as you are depriving the child inheritance wise. They suggested parental responsibility instead and DDs name changed.

[DemBonesDemBones]

@sculpturecity more nonsense. She would absolutely not be listed as adoptive mother on the new birth certificate. The adoptive father would not even be listed as adoptive father on the new birth certificate. They would simply be listed as Mother and Father.

[DemBonesDemBones]

Apologies, that was meant for @ArtofWater

[Testina]

Why do you want to let someone you’ve only been with for 2 years adopt your daughter?
She’s too young to consent in my opinion.

What are you going to do if you split up with him, he insists on contact with his legal daughter and neither of you want it?

What do you hope to gain from this adoption?
If it’s to “prove” to her how committed he is, he can do that through his actions. Over more than 2 years.

I think you need to slow down, regardless of her biological father.

[Hearthnhome]

Op, it seems soon because it is.

Why does he need PR or to adopt the child?

What does it achieve for you?

[Usernameinvalid16]

He is driving this. He suggested the adoption, I would like to get married. My DD has said she would like him to be her dad but this was not influenced by me or him. She simply brought it up by herself.

This is why I thought it would be best to ask on here, there is a lot of conflicting information out there.

If parental responsibility is the best way to go then that would be better. I would like it if someone was there to make any decisions medically wise if anything was to happen to me.

I am concerned that the contact with her bio dad would impact on any future decisions. No I never pushed back contact with her bio dad, I offered contact in a contact centre to allow them to build a relationship under supervision but he wasn’t happy with this offer so has taken it further.

my OH considers himself a father figure to her and wants to ensure that she’ll be taken care of incase anything happens to me. I don’t have a great relationship with my own parents.

I do not have contact with her bio dad. We haven’t spoken in 6 years.

I am currently at work so my replies will be slow.

[TeenDivided]

@DemBonesDemBones

@sculpturecity more nonsense. She would absolutely not be listed as adoptive mother on the new birth certificate. The adoptive father would not even be listed as adoptive father on the new birth certificate. They would simply be listed as Mother and Father.

I don't know about step parent adoption, or legalities in Scotland.

However in England for normal adoptions you can 2 types of certificate

• an adoption certificate which looks like a normal birth certificate except it says adoption t the top, which lists the adoptive parents as parents
• a short form birth certificate which omits parents entirely

[fdkc]

Here in Ireland the biological dad would have to give written consent whether he was on the birthcert or not. I also wouldn't be signing away half of my parental rights to a man I have only been seeing for 2 years unless we were married.

From my experience working in a legal office for a few years, bio dad's generally don't sign away their rights and a judge would not over rule them and take away those rights, especially if the bio dad wants to make an effort and restart a relationship with his child.

[ichimedin]

surely you don’t think your partner can just adopt another man’s child because he fancies it

[SandrasAnnoyingFriend]

@ArtofWater

Step parent adoptions used to be be fairly common years ago but are a lot less so now as other options to secure children are available. For a step parent adoption you would need the fathers consent even if he is not in contact - courts can dispense with this but only in very exceptional circumstances and what you have described would not be considered exceptional. Adoption is permanent - you would be listed as adoptive mother on the new birth certificate and if you and your partner were to split, then he would have equal rights to your daughter, she would not revert to being 'yours', so definitely something to think hard about. It may be appropriate for your partner to gain parental responsibility for your DD, this would enable him to be involved in decision making , able to consent to medical treatment etc and would also offer some security in the event something happened to you. It would be worth you both seeking legal advice so you understand the options available and the implications of these.

This isn't true. My husband adopted my son and I am not listed as his adoptive mother on his birth certificate 🙄

[EmeraldShamrock1]

I think it will.

In Ireland, the biological father can fight for guardianship and insist that he is placed on the birth certificate.

Once on the birth certificate he'd have to agree to give up any parental rights in order for the adoption to go through.

I don't think it is fair to go ahead with the adoption if she has a father albeit a shit father but her father nonetheless.

[EmeraldShamrock1]

From my experience working in a legal office for a few years, bio dad's generally don't sign away their rights and a judge would not over rule them and take away those rights, especially if the bio dad wants to make an effort and restart a relationship with his child.
💯

[MayThe4th]

@DemBonesDemBones

@MayThe4th that's nonsense.

No, it isn’t.

People seem to think that by not putting the father on the birth certificate they are essentially removing them from their child’s life.

If a biological father goes to court for access and parental responsibility it is highly unlikely he wouldn’t be put on the child’s birth certificate.

Added to which, you should never underestimate the damage you are doing to a child’s sense of identity by simply omitting to include their father in their identity record i.e. their birth certificate.

Whether people like it or not, children tend to grow up with a need to know their heritage, and there is a genuine sense of missing identity in children who don’t know where they have come from, be that because of refusing to include the father on the birth certificate, or because of donor conception.

[Cactuslove]

If I had been dating a man for 2 yrs and he was now pushing to adopt my child I would find it very diffucult to ignore all the alarm bells that would literally be deafening me. Rightly or wrongly, I just don't get it. Why is this even necessary? Surely the right way forward at the moment is come to an agreement with her actual father and see what sort of father he can be. The worry over making medical decisions in your absence might be resolved if the bio dad can build a good relationship with her. Also generally medics would act in her best interests. It's not about him understanding what adoption means. Its about you understanding it. Also who cares if your daughter wants him to be her dad? Not to be flippant but he isn't- and she's got a dad who she might yet be able to build a relationship with. And if she can't build a relationship with her dad then she has you and your partner who can be a good role model and steady person in her life. I can't put my finger on it but this need to adopt your child feels odd.

[EmeraldShamrock1]

It's a stupid idea.

I don't know why you are even considering it.

Cope on. It's your Daughters life.

[Satsuma2]

I was sexually abused by my stepfather (and so was my sister) before and after we were adopted by him. Not my choice to be adopted and I would never have agreed if asked. I feel like having a panic attack on behalf of your daughter. If your daughter decides when she is older( and has no pressure of any sort put on her) that she would like him to adopt her then that is when you proceed. And please don't fall into the trap of saying he would never do anything like that, you really can't tell. They are very devious.

[DemBonesDemBones]

@MayThe4th it is nonsense, the judge has discretion. A Father that hasn't been in contact with a child for many years would certainly not be granted all the rights you list as easily as you suggest.

[DemBonesDemBones]

@MayThe4th and you can't include the biological fathers name on the bc if he's not there unless you're married. So let's stop blaming women for men's shitty behaviour eh?

[DemBonesDemBones]

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend I'm so sad this lady didn't get answers on the adoption board because the judgement and misinformation on this thread is unreal. Imagine making a statement like that (that you'd be listed as adoptive mother) so boldly when you very obviously have no idea about adoption!

[OfficiallyBroken]

I'm honestly concerned that your partner (not even your husband) of only 2 years is pushing to me made a legal guardian of your daughter and it's not sounding any klaxons for you.

Please take a step back from this process and just concentrate on your daughter and what she needs. She doesn't need a virtual stranger being legally responsible for her and having access rights until she's old enough to push back if you break up.

[TheGoodFighter]

@DemBonesDemBones

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend I'm so sad this lady didn't get answers on the adoption board because the judgement and misinformation on this thread is unreal. Imagine making a statement like that (that you'd be listed as adoptive mother) so boldly when you very obviously have no idea about adoption!

~That was one poster, who was told they were wrong. So where is the "unreal misinformation" here?

As for the judgement, OP want to get her boyfriend of a mere two years to adopt her child. She needs some judgement, as its a ridiculous notion

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

My DD has said she would like him to be her dad but this was not influenced by me or him. She simply brought it up by herself.

She's a child. She's not mature enough to contribute to any conversations around adoption.
And it's HIM that's 'driving' this?
After 2 years...
Just NO on so many levels.
Why would you even consider this after such a short relationship? It's lunacy!

[RedWingBoots]

He is driving this. He suggested the adoption, I would like to get married

NO!

This is a red flag.

There are certain circumstances e.g. if you dropped dead, you were an unsuitable parent, and there was no-one else/your DD was old enough to decide where a step-parent can have legal guardianship over a child in England.

Your DD has a biological father who now wants to get in touch. Her biological father may turn out to be flaky but there may be half-siblings and other relatives who aren't if they get a chance to meet her. Don't deprive your child of her biological inheritance until she is a fully independent adult, just because a man you have been dating for 2 years can't be bothered to marry you.