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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave my 10 YO old to watch her 7 YO for an hour

109 replies

carrotismyname · 03/10/2022 11:42

Posting here for traffic. I really can't remember how old I was when I was left with my older sibling. I'm a single parent and would love to do exercise classes around the corner from where I live but I am unsure what is legal, so would love some feedback.

10.5 YO daughter mature and smart and has been left alone for short times when i've nipped to the local shop. She has an ipad, which she calls off.

7.5 YO son who generally listens to sister, but I do worry if they fall out if I leave them alone.

I'm thinking maybe its another year or so off, but I am curious to what other parents do.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 03/10/2022 11:47

I've send 10 and preferably Yr6 before DD2 can stay with DD1 who is 2 years older for more than 5 minutes or so.

DD1 started staying on her own in Yr6 as well. Shes extremely mature but thats different to having to be responsible.

fairtrauchled · 03/10/2022 11:47

I have a similar age gap between my DD and DS and I wouldn't have left them together on their own for that length of time at that age.They got on very well together(still do),but I don't think it's fair to put that amount of responsibility on a10 yr old.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/10/2022 11:47

I think an hour is too long and it's too much responsibility to put on a 10yo.

I have a 10yo and 8yo DD and have started leaving them for 5 mins. It'll be a long time til I increase that. However, my 10yo has ASD and is immature, whereas the 8yo is v sensible so the power dynamics are difficult and different to your situation.

NoSquirrels · 03/10/2022 11:51

Our youngest was 11 before we started leaving 2 of them together. The eldest was never ‘in charge’ officially of the youngest. Once the youngest was independently able to be unsupervised for short periods, that’s when we left them alone together. Personality comes into it and in our case eldest would try to boss youngest & wield the power of being in charge! So it was better to sidestep that scenario for peace & harmony. Grin

AryaStarkWolf · 03/10/2022 11:56

an hour is far too long to leave a 10 year old in charge imo, 5 minutes to pop to the shop maybe but not an hour

Rainbowqueeen · 03/10/2022 11:56

I think they are too young.
Spend the next year or 2 teaching them the skills they need to be independent while you exercise using YouTube videos.

id only go for 15 mins the first time you do leave them and gradually increase the time.

Comefromaway · 03/10/2022 12:00

That is too long and too young.

TheGoodFighter · 03/10/2022 12:04

No. Leaving the ten year old would be ok but not in charge of a younger child, that's not fair.

UsernameIsCopied · 03/10/2022 12:06

I don't think a 7 yo needs watching over, he should be fine for an hour or so, even without his sister supervising him. But all kids are different and you know him best

Dixiechickonhols · 03/10/2022 12:09

No legal age to leave but it’s the dynamic of leaving younger with older that’s not great. Older I’d leave with no issue. I wouldn’t want older minding youngest. Younger one could you do a childcare swap with a friend?

SlashBeef · 03/10/2022 12:12

I've started leaving my 10 year old if I pop to the shoos and he doesn't want to come but I take his 7yo sister. They both get along very well and I imagine they'd just watch TV or play on games but it doesn't feel quite right to leave him responsible for anyone but himself yet.

JugglingJanuary · 03/10/2022 12:12

UsernameIsCopied · 03/10/2022 12:06

I don't think a 7 yo needs watching over, he should be fine for an hour or so, even without his sister supervising him. But all kids are different and you know him best

Do you live outside the U.K.?

I find it's very different in the U.K. than many other countries. (NZ, for example is barking! 14 to be left home alone). Whereas it's much more the norm for children to be more responsible from
6 in some countries in Europe.

I wouldn't/didn't leave them home until they were individually able to be left home alone (and then some as I think more than one increases not decreases the risks!) the eldest was never 'watching' the younger ones, just themselves!

I think 7 is too young for an hour.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/10/2022 12:15

No, that’s too young imo

10 yo on their own, or with an older sibling, maybe. But 10 is too young to watch over a 7 yo, and 7 too young to be left alone.

Katapolts · 03/10/2022 12:18

I left mine for 45 minutes-1 hour together at 11 and 8.

I leave my 8.5 year old alone for up to 30 minutes occasionally.

nokidshere · 03/10/2022 12:20

Absolutely not. You cannot give responsibility of a 7yr old to a 10yr old.

Seeline · 03/10/2022 12:24

It's not fair on the 10yo to have that responsibility.

I know it's extremely unlikely, but what if there was a fire - would they be able to get both of them out safely?
What if one of them had an accident - slipped and banged their head etc? What if it was the 10yo that did it - would the 7yo be able to cope?
What if you had an accident and couldn't get home?

I know the chances are vanishingly small, but I don't think it's fair to leave young kids in situations where these things can arise before they are (probably) able to deal with it.

steppemum · 03/10/2022 12:29

too young.
I am one who has encouraged independence as young as possible.
I'd leave a 10 year old for and hour if I was local.
But not a 7 year old, and I wouldn't leave a 10 in charge of a 7.

YellowTreeHouse · 03/10/2022 12:31

Absolutely not. That’s a few years off yet.

babyyodaxmas · 03/10/2022 12:41

I am not proud of this but I left my yr6 (april born) and yr3 (Oct born) home alone for about an hour every Monday as there was a gap from ASC finishing and me getting home. I was driving for all of that time and had them on speaker phone for most of it the first few times. Same year we occasionally left them in front of the TV at 7:30 am, (school bus came at 8:15 ) if we both had 9am meetings.

Iamchurchill · 03/10/2022 12:42

Too young and we do very much encourage independence even when it makes us uncomfortable sometimes.

Iamchurchill · 03/10/2022 12:44

In an emergency, with instructions of what to do if they need help, maybe. Can you just imagine what how you would feel if something happened to them?
our neighbour left her kids alone - with the 12 year old in charge and the youngest 2 who were 6&8 started a house fire playing with matches in their bedroom that gutted the house. The 12 year old did get them all out in time thank god.

sheepdogdelight · 03/10/2022 12:50

Leaving the older child on their own is probably ok, assuming you are literally going to the class and back again.

I wouldn't leave a 10 year old with a 7 year old - they are too young to be responsible for someone else. As you've said, the big worry would be they would fall out (even when much older).

december2020 · 03/10/2022 12:53

Out of pure curiosity (I'm a FTM with an almost 2 year old so this stage is far in the future for me, hence no experience but wondering) when posters say they leave kids this age alone for 5 mins max. what do you do? Where do you go?

Even the closest corner shop is 2 mins away away from me so popping to to the shop around the corner would probably take me 5 minutes minimum (but under 10mins).

Cillery · 03/10/2022 12:55

Quite simply it is illegal to leave kids that age on their own. If anything happened you would be in trouble

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