AIBU to leave my 10 YO old to watch her 7 YO for an hour

[carrotismyname]

Posting here for traffic. I really can't remember how old I was when I was left with my older sibling. I'm a single parent and would love to do exercise classes around the corner from where I live but I am unsure what is legal, so would love some feedback.

10.5 YO daughter mature and smart and has been left alone for short times when i've nipped to the local shop. She has an ipad, which she calls off.

7.5 YO son who generally listens to sister, but I do worry if they fall out if I leave them alone.

I'm thinking maybe its another year or so off, but I am curious to what other parents do.

Erm no it's not. There is no legal age limit.

Personally I would leave the 10yo but not with the younger sibling.

I could never leave by 12 and 10 year old alone. They would kill each other. They fight like crazy.

On the young side.

DS1 was 10 when I began to leave him to do something very close by for about 90mins and he preferred that to accompanying me like he always had prior to that.

At 9, DS2 is happy with about half an hour. He is happy to walk a very short distance from school and let himself in while I finish the overlapping secondary pick up.

At 11 & 9 I go roughly with the 30-45 mins that is DS2's comfort zone. He's happier with DS1 around, but DS1 is not "responsible" for him. They have different personalities and strengths and longer term, DS2 would be better at practical things like making lunch supporting DS1 over longer periods as they get older.

Different children mature at different rates. I consider factors like their relationship, nearby support, their maturity, how accessible I am.

Thank you all for your responses, I thought this would be response, but I wanted some feedback. It's not the end of the world waiting another couple of years or so and I agree with helping them both now become more independent for when I am ready to leave them both. I might increase the time I leave my 10 year old slowly now to an hour.

Borderline... but as others have said I think its the "watching over" part that's problematic.

I've just recently started leaving my 11 year old on her own for periods of up to about 45 minutes but that's only been in the last three months and not with having to supervise a smaller child. I would avoid if you can.

Yabu.

But I think you know that

I've only just started leaving our almost 11yo for periods but would never consider leaving them with a younger sibling sorry

As an aside @carrotismyname there are quite a few online gym and exercise classes now - I have one huge database of classes and some live online - I do it in another room whilst the kids do other things. Maybe an option to start theprocess of exercise and leaving them alone

@ThatGirlInACountrySong It was just a question, no need to get on your high horse

@Quartz2208 I do pilates, but as i'm in a flat I am limited to what I can do as my neighbour complains about practically everything.

You leave them when they are old enough to be responsible for themselves. Suppose something happened to the 7yo whilst the 10yo was “in charge”. You going to give them that guilt?

If you had next door neighbours that both children could go to in the event of a catastrophe, fire, intruder etc. Then I’d say it’s ok to leave them for a short while. But in a flat where your neighbours complain about “practically everything” I’d be very wary.

I do feel for you, I know it’s hard. My parents left me for a short time, in ‘charge’ of my young brother when I was 10 (he was 8) but I felt such a failure leaving my 13 year old home alone for 30 minutes every morning when I had to be at work 30 miles away and she had to be at school at 9am.

if you were my child, I’d say wait until your eldest is at secondary school. Sorry I’m not really helping.

I have two very sensible children of similar ages although DS is 11. I have left them together for 10 minutes to pop to the post box or the shop a couple of times and that's it. I think the main issue is whether or not the older one is responsible enough to be able to manage the younger one if she's panicking or stressed? So, for example, if DS is at home alone (he's 11), I am confident that in a fire he would get out of the house or that if he hurt himself, he could and would call me/an ambulance/next door neighbour etc and could slap a hand/cloth over something that was bleeding or not move his leg if it was hurt or whatever. But if the 7 year old hurt herself, he wouldn't know what to do beyond call for help and he certainly wouldn't be able to reassure her etc (although he'd give it a good go) and if she was refusing to get out of the house in a fire, would he ne able to manage that?

I wouldn't leave a child without a proper adult for an hour until they're at least 12. 10 or 11 would be ok for 10 minutes. So two years until I'd leave your daughter alone, not minding her brother, 5 years until I'd leave him with anyone other than an adult.

I always wander about the fire example...children have died in fires with their parents asleep in the next room. We don't stay up all night to prevent that happening.

But I do agree 7 is probably a bit young, although I am always wondering WHAT could possibly happen with 2 sensible kids of that age in 1 hour.

Remember the Babysitters club series? I think those kids were 12. And people paid them to babysit.

I have been to an exercise class where they were ok with me bringing a kid with an ipad and headphones.

I was 10 when my younger brothers (8.5 and 6.5) and I used to walk home from school together. I was in charge of them until my mom got home from work every day (3:30-5).

If you feel your 10yo is responsible and leave emergency contact information (a neighbour or friend, plus your mobile number), I don't see the issue. It's an hour, maybe an hour and a half. If the latchkey generation could do it, why is it so much worse now for way less time?

But I do agree 7 is probably a bit young, although I am always wondering WHAT could possibly happen with 2 sensible kids of that age in 1 hour.

Ten year old slips down the stairs, knocks himself out, leaving 7yo to cope? Not beyond the realms of possibility.

I always wander about the fire example...children have died in fires with their parents asleep in the next room. We don't stay up all night to prevent that happening.

I don't think the fire example is particularly helpful. It's quite a rare occurence.

It's much more likely that: a child would walk into furniture and bang their head; they'd make toast and set off the smoke alarm; a stranger would come to the door; the phone would ring; they leave a tap running or drop water on the floor; they'd fall over and cut their knee; they'd accidently break a plate/ornament/the television.

None of these are (probably) emergencies, but a child needs a certain level of maturity to deal with them.

I leave my 10 and 8 year old together although they are nearer to 9 and 11 for an hour tops really and only if local, they both have devices they could call me from and neighbours they know they can call soon and dad round the corner. Tbh neither move from their bedrooms off their iPads apart from perhaps a sneaky visit to the snack cupboard! I wouldn't leave them in the evening or over a mealtime though.

Not rtft. However my absolute rule was no kid “ watches “ or is responsible for another.

you can stay home if you are responsible enough to do so , and you may do that at the same time as a sibling. But you are not responsible for them.

God forbid something happens it is the grown ups risk assessment responsibility not the kids. Ok should you bro if the house is on fire but don’t go back and get him. For instance.

Unless the law has changed it is not giving due care.

I am British living overseas (have lived in several countries) and it seems that it's really only the Brits that have this hang wringing anx about leaving kids home alone (or in the car at the petrol station 🙄🙄)
Mine were left for the first time at 10 and 7 (always together) and stepped up to the responsibility. Not allowed to eat and I ensure they are parked firmly on screens! They can both FaceTime and text me. Once the younger one fell and banged his head badly (I was gone less than ten mins) and his sister did all the right things - ice pack etc, and called me straight away. It is totally dependent on the kids, can not be attributed to age. NSPCC have great advice that one size fits all doesn't work in this instance.

You’d be in a lot of trouble if something happened to them. I agree with the consensus. Another couple of years.

That would be WW3 in my house, but that aside I think 10 is too young to be responsible for 7yo. Another couple of years.

I've just started leaving my 9 and 7 year old together for about 10 minutes while I pop to the end of the road. I make sure they are settled doing something low-risk like watching TV with a programme already started.

They are both pretty sensible and could phone me and I could be back in under 2 minutes. We also get on well with our neighbours and it is a quiet, out of the way, street.

I wouldn't be happy leaving them together much longer although I have left the older one alone for about 20 minutes while collecting the younger one.

I think your situation could work if they knew exactly what they should be doing and this didn't involve making food or anything risky. You'd also need to have your phone with you and be prepared to rush home if necessary.