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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave my 10 YO old to watch her 7 YO for an hour

109 replies

carrotismyname · 03/10/2022 11:42

Posting here for traffic. I really can't remember how old I was when I was left with my older sibling. I'm a single parent and would love to do exercise classes around the corner from where I live but I am unsure what is legal, so would love some feedback.

10.5 YO daughter mature and smart and has been left alone for short times when i've nipped to the local shop. She has an ipad, which she calls off.

7.5 YO son who generally listens to sister, but I do worry if they fall out if I leave them alone.

I'm thinking maybe its another year or so off, but I am curious to what other parents do.

OP posts:
jannier · 23/12/2022 13:01

I always start with is your child old enough to cope in an accident like the younger one falling down the stairs do they know what to do and will they cope with feeling guilty even if it wasn't their fault. Because even an adult struggles with that but a 10 year old really would.

picklesandtea · 23/12/2022 18:54

Why is there so many ridiculous "what if" scenarios in these chats?! It's like the debate about leaving your sleeping child in the car while you pay for petrol.."what if the pump explodes?" "What if a someone steals the car?" A whole lot more likely that you and said child will get mowed down walking across the forecourt!!
10 and 7 are likely to be perfectly fine left alone - depending on the children of course!

jannier · 23/12/2022 22:56

picklesandtea · 23/12/2022 18:54

Why is there so many ridiculous "what if" scenarios in these chats?! It's like the debate about leaving your sleeping child in the car while you pay for petrol.."what if the pump explodes?" "What if a someone steals the car?" A whole lot more likely that you and said child will get mowed down walking across the forecourt!!
10 and 7 are likely to be perfectly fine left alone - depending on the children of course!

Any nurse, doctor or paramedic can tell you accidents absolutely do happen and it's not just deliberate injury's. Have a look at accident statistics in the UK....everyone of these families never thought when they got up they would be at hospital before bedtime.....a small chance is still a chance.

oversized · 23/12/2022 23:13

In your scenario and ages of children, no, i wouldn't leave them for an hour - like you say, another year.

i have an 11 year old (at secondary school, 12 in Feb & has own house keys) and an 8 yo (9 in April) and i left them alone today for 1 hr exactly as they refused to get dressed and ready to go to town with me. Bit annoying as i only wanted one specific thing from one shop.

So off I went Wilko - i walked and took my phone. I gave them a safety/risk briefing, told them the time scale and make sure they were settled/occupied before i left.

I wouldn't leave them in the dark or evening or if they were arguing or not behaving sensibly towards one another.

I don't do it often but sometimes i do nip to the local shop, leaving them at home. - get there and back within 20 mins.

givethistokevin · 23/12/2022 23:15

Mellymoon · 23/12/2022 11:36

Reading these comments it’s no wonder we have the least capable children and teens on the planet.
too much responsibility for a ten year old? Give over!.

Interesting, I never left mine alone or to babysit at 10 but they grew into capable adults all the same.

bloodyeverlastinghell · 23/12/2022 23:25

Fink · 03/10/2022 13:46

I wouldn't leave a child without a proper adult for an hour until they're at least 12. 10 or 11 would be ok for 10 minutes. So two years until I'd leave your daughter alone, not minding her brother, 5 years until I'd leave him with anyone other than an adult.

I think 12 is fairly old. Children are off to high school at 11 and expected to travel etc. Would you really get a babysitter in to watch an 11yo for an hour?I actually have four 12, 10 and twin 7yo. I'd leave the eldest two in for an hour or two if they didn't want to tag along to something. Twins are not great at listening to older siblings so they get to come with me/ have childcare. Will reevaluate next year when they are 8 and eldest 13. I babysat at 13.

Oblomov22 · 24/12/2022 12:34

I agree. You will not leave them for an hour till aged 12? But they've started secondary and should be more than capable. Our primary encourages walking to school beginning of year 6, in preparation for secondary. All these kids not being left on their own for more than a few minutes because they can't cope? Mine at that age didn't move from their x box for hours? Wink Barely noticed when I was in the house. And cooked and made many main meals as part of DT cookery at school, yr 7, so this paranoia of they can't make toast isn't good for them.

Oblomov22 · 24/12/2022 12:37

Have none of you ever talked to your kids about what to do in an emergency? Be that .... in school, on the way home from school, getting lost / seperated from parent anywhere. What to do if home alone and x happens? I can't believe some of you don't have these basic conversations?

kimchifix · 24/12/2022 12:54

Depends on the kids - I let my 13 yo babysit the younger two (DD would have been 11 and other DS 6 but asleep in bed) a few times when we were close enough to get back home in ten minutes if needs be, and we would always get a calls "DS is bullying me", "DD is not behaving" etc etc because DS was "in charge" and they are both stubborn and won't be told what to do by the other one. It got better and youngest DS is very compliant about going to bed even now he's nearly 11 so it's no longer an issue, but I'd start by leaving them for ten minutes during the day, and work your way up from there...

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