I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

Putting the work into what? and with what time?

If I'm working from home I work 8-6 so that on my office days I can leave early. DS sleeps 7-5. I get up with DS at 5, we get DH up at 7:30 so I can go to work. DS naps 10-11, and in that hour DH usually puts dinner on/ does some cleaning jobs he cant do when DS is awake. I come down for lunch at 12, take DS and ddog out for an hour and DH usually puts a wash on/ pegs a wash out/ does some life admin/ fixes something and has his lunch. Then I go back to work until 6, we all eat the dinner DH has cooked at 6ish and then I do DS's bed time at 7 while DH does the final tidy up and mops the floor. 7:30 we sit down and have an hour and a half together to chat/ play a board game/ bang before I go and have a bath and go to bed for 10pm. DH stays up until about midnight usually so he can do some woodcraft although some nights he's totally knackered and just wants to be in front of the TV. On one of those nights, DH leaves at 6 for work. He works 6-10.

On days where I'm in the office, I leave the house at 5:30am and I'm back at 6pm, DH has DS all day.

At the weekend, DH works 10-6 one of the days, then the other day we have together as a family. This is my only day 'off' where I'm not either working or looking after DS on my own.

I don't know if my toddler is just full on, but there's no way you could study with an 18 month old around unless you parked him in front of cocomelon for a couple of hours every day? Why would you do that? I mean I love a bit of cocomelon time to catch up on jobs and a cup of tea but not for long enough to get any actual work or study done! I know some single parents must manage this, but on top of everything else, studying right now would probably push DH over the edge.

Has anyone asked OP if her DH is paying voluntary NI contributions to maintain enough qualifying years to get the full state pension?

How long have you been driving? One accident shouldn't wipe out all of your no claims.

When it comes to renewing, get different online quotes then phone them to ask if they can do better. Also pay to protect your no claims.

Can you claim anything for having an electric car?

Have you tried all local nurseries? I'm in a big city and there are hardly any nurseries that are nearly £100 a day, I also work in one. Some schools have attached nurseries and take them from 2 so that could be worth considering.

Yes, and it’s been advised that making sure CB is in his name will mean he doesn’t even have to do that.

Regarding foods even having a few switches can make a difference.sounds like your dh likes to cook.could he do double one night so a bigger pack of mince ,and then make two days of meals?
have eggs night.so you just have some form of eggs on toast.
beans on toast or jacket.
sorry if these seems really bloody obvious and you do them already.

would anything like that help?

I would get rid of your Kia Sorrento. They cost a fortune to run and insure. If you are needing a big boot for a pram and dog get an estate.

That's a bit harsh.
My DP is on 31k and and I'm on about 16k. I don't think any one can "afford" a child comfortably at the moment but we aren't struggling. We have a mortgage and I pay childcare 3 days a week. We don't have much left but aren't in debt. I just think OP needed guidance on where she can save money and priorotise it better.

Some will. And some will be free to heat her house now.
less money in the long run of course but the priority is not a pension at 70 years old. It’s heating the house for her daughter now until circumstances change in a couple of years and her DH can work!

Cost of living is insane. I have similar problems. I was a SAHM for a few years because childcare would have matched my income and left me no better off for working. I was able to return to work when free childcare started but only part-time. Because DH has a proper job so isn’t able to do any pick ups or drop offs, there’s no paid childcare available after school and we don’t have any family childcare available, so I can only work in school hours.

And I can’t get a “good” job because firstly they mostly insist on full time hours, and secondly they won’t accommodate time off for child sickness. I’ve lost three jobs so far because of having to take time off for childcare. One job simply wouldn’t let me leave when my eldest had a bad accident at school, so I had to resign in order to be able to pick him up and fetch him to hospital. Another job sacked me after both kids were sick on consecutive weeks and I had to stay off work at short notice, they said being absent at short notice didn’t fit the needs of the business. The third job fired me because I wasn’t flexible about working on weekends and school holidays.

I think most people who are the primary parent have similar problems. Employers just aren’t flexible enough to accommodate an employee who has kids to look after. I’m not surprised OPs husband struggles to work and bring in money.

I haven't read TFT but I have read all your replies and I just wanted to say that I think you are great. You are 100% right to support your SIL . You sound like you have your head screwed on so I'm sure you will be able to manage your budget.

Do not sell your house unless there really is no other choice. It is your home, hopefully forever.

I'm shocked by the people implying that OP's husband is somehow not pulling his weight by being a SAHD. I don't think the same view would be taken of a SAHM. Childcare is a demanding job, it's just not paid. (And in this case he even is doing some paid work as well.)

AuntSalli
@PurpleWisteria1 Okay this is getting boring now but I’ll explain one last time, if she cancels the £750 into the pension because she is a higher rate payer of tax she will not be £750 better off it will be absorbed into tax national insurance and student loans.

Yeap we all understand that; we're not thick, but the point is, she would have more money in her pocket now, which seems to be the issue as she's complaining she can't pay her bills.

Though as so much about the OP posts don't add up, this entire thread may be a load of rubbish.

Is he running a business from a domestic garage?

What is it about my life you think doesn’t add up?

You should definitely register for Bulb’s services online if you’re not already, then you can keep a close eye on it each month and see how you’re estimated readings are comparing to your actual readings, as well as monitoring your credit. Also I think you have the right to withdraw the credit whenever you want as it’s your money (though obviously need to then make sure you can pay your bills!)

AirBnB

Come on, your DH can work more than 8 hours a week, his effort is shabby! Sounds like he a charmed life.

Just wanted to say you rock op. You’ve done really well from a very difficult start.

Yep, but seeing as the majority of the home and building is still used for residential purposes he didn’t need planning permission or a change of use. We did check all of that. He used to do commissions out of a garden shed until we moved here using his dads old tools until he was making enough from
commissions for us to start taking it seriously. We do pay business rates on the garage, that comes out of his profits hence why the income from commissions is really low while he’s not got much time to take many on. The business rates are really reallY low though, it’s basically free. Before we had DS, he was building quite a lot and his income from it ranged from £200 to £2k a month depending what he was making/ doing. It averaged over 24 months at £700 a month so he did so well. It all went straight into savings because it wasn’t ‘safe’ income so we never relied on it really but it’s how we managed to save really well for a long time. We saved a lot of my wage, used DH’s day job wage for food and some of the bills and then saved his side hustle (and mine although mine made pennies ) The plan once DS is in nursery is for DH to build back up to earn a decent income from it again but still be his own boss and have time for school runs etc. that’s the dream. It’s not just ukes, he’s built guitars and mandolins too but the ukes are what he does most of because they’re so popular. Guitars obviously have a better margin though!

You all sound like such a lovely supportive unit. Your DS is so lucky to have you all. It’s just a sad state of affair that as a higher rate taxpayer you can’t afford any ‘luxury’ and people are questioning you choosing to be responsible and insure your dog/ take your DS to play groups etc… things were not this expensive even 12 months ago, it’s the cost of living that’s the problem. For now try to cut down on grocery bills, do veggie Mondays, shop home brands etc… you will get through this. Not long till DS gets some free hours I hope xx

How much longer do you have until you’ve paid off the student loan? It is a big chunk to be coming out and you’ll feel it once it’s gone or even the extra accommodation bit. A lot of people don’t realise the loans are often stacked so the percentage can get quite high. I was shocked when some of my grads were saying how much they were paying back for an undergrad plus masters.

realistically your model isn’t sustainable. A sahp is a luxury and you don’t earn enough to support that. I do think you need to look at your husband earning more. I’d say the same if the roles were reversed. However, there is not much longer to go until 30 hours kick in ( don’t be under the misapprehension that they are free).

Yes, how terrible of her to not forsee this energy crisis 27 months ago. They saved 20k if memory serves to cover mat leave. They were fine up until Russia got handsy with Ukraine. In fact, if she'd conceived when they first wanted to, they'd be fine cos the kids would be in full time school and DH would work more

He does. He so does 44 hours of solo childcare.

Have you downloaded the Bulb app and logged into your Bulb account yet? I am on my own in a 3 bed detached and have recently been using approximately £50 per months worth of energy. That’s from actual readings that I have read and sent, or sent by my smart meter. I have control over how much I pay by DD and can see how much credit I have built up. The app is suggesting I can reduce my DD to £20 per month now. My Bulb account also shows the £66 cost of living payment has gone in too.
You can also Facebook message Bulb to chat to advisors.
You need to take control of your readings and payments. I don’t understand how three of you use £470 per month. I can only think it’s because of your electric car.