I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

It's £5 a session, it's a brilliant session in a local park/ scout hut. They do structured outdoor play on nice days in the woods and when it's too wet to play outside they do music/ messy play/ free play/ music and dance in the scout hut. Tea and coffee for the adults included, it's a 3 hour session and DS comes away absolutely knackered and will sleep for 2 hours . It's important for DS because it's the only time he sees other children really, and DH gets some much needed adult interaction with the other parents. There's a couple of other dads that go who he also meets with the kids on a wednesday afternoon at a local play area. The todders go off toddling and the dads have a coffee. He could just do that instead of playgroup, but personally I think £5 a week is really good value.

You and your DH sound lovely and you've clearly been through a lot together.

Just reduce your pension payments. You're only 31 and you're clearly savvy and sensible and earning a great salary. Take it down to say £400 and it will give you the difference you need to live well now. Honestly there will be times in the future when you can prioritise your pension and really ramp up the payments. A bit less at the moment is fine for a short while to see you through a tricky period. Life is always about balancing the present and the future and you just need to rebalance a bit in favour of the present.

Are you a labour activist?

They don't get free childcare at 2 on £60k+

Abd he's IN the workplace, he works part time and has his own small business.

have you looked at your whole year usage? Bulb will be estimating the year ahead. Your bill in August/september will be a lot lower than the upcoming winter months.

Do the same with october through March to get an idea how much they're likely to be before things warm up again. Ideally do the full 12 months.

Go to bulb say 'here are my previous usage kwhs, here is what that will cost at 10p for gas and 34p for electric, plus standing charge'. take away the £780 in credit I already have and I estimate the next 12 months will be X, or X/12 per month - please set my DD accordingly.

If they refuse, look to move

Your issues lay in your student loan repayments and your pension savings.
Student loan seems too high under any regime.
Appreciate you have been advised to increase pension to keep CB but you only get £90 odd quid a month and are depriving yourself of £750 income.
In your shoes I would revisit both of these in the short term to balance the books.

When you live rurally the following extra costs apply to both parents working -

Running a 2nd car, the distance/fuel/time implications for getting to the childcare provider and then work. Most work is MW.

This often why those living rurally are often poorer than those in towns, fewer opportunities and higher working costs.

The op doesn't have a 3 storey 4 bed, she has a 3 bed with loft conversion hence her describing it as "basic" what she means is that it isn't some amazing spacious large Victorian Terrace where you can split rooms in two and still have decent sized rooms.

Lots of both stock where I live.

Spacious 4 bed £450k, basic 4 bed £ 150k upwards.

🙄

@FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb Makes sense to read all OP posts before commenting - especially on page 38! She has explained why the higher than expected student loan repayment already.

Op, I am very impressed with you. You genuinely care for your DSil and old dog, and would not compromise on your commitment there. I don't agree that having a pet is a luxury. You have him for years and pets are like family.
Now regarding your financial situation, is there any way you can reduce your pension contributions for a little while, maybe a couple of hundreds?

Also, can your DH do some courses online about social marketing. Maybe he can create a blog / Instagram, tik tok and publish high quality content on his craft and knowledge of wood work or wood tattooing. He can spend 2-3 hours couple of times a week, he will learn new skills (online marketing), and in 18 months when your child is eligible for the subsidised nursery, your DH will be a highly skilled artisan with online presence and then he can create a store with his crafted products and options for custom design. The work he is doing is quite niche and can result in good income through online business.

Ive already commented previously the only helpful advice I can but OP I just wanted to say how amazing you and your husband are. You can tell the influence his parents have had on you both also. Take it one step at a time, no need for drastic measures yet but small steps to hopefully avoid the big decisions.

I think you do have a healthy mortgage, appropriate house price.

and your DH should not get a job. as childcare is his job. other poster said the reason already.

The workshop conversion was obviously done in more affluent times but has probably added a lot of value to property and made it more saleable.
Op is free to take or leave advice. She’s clearly sensible and going to take independent financial advice re pension etc.
But sometimes you haven’t thought of everything or realised just how high car insurance is etc so good to get a range of opinions.
Best wishes.

@Theyarellthesame I have huge admiration for you. Your story is incredibly inspiring.
Your DH and in laws sound amazing too.
I hope you will finally find a way to make the extra money, something that works for you all. I'm sure you will, you are a truly survivor, you can do anything.
I wish you all the best OP.

Most threads where a SAHM comes on and says "DH earns X and we don't have enough money" she will be advised to get paid work, both for the family finances and for her own long term security.

Whether or not you think its "disgusting" for both parents to do paid work and use childcare is irrelevant. It is what the vast majority of families do to support a family (including those who manage on half the OP's income ie slightly more than the average family income).

My advice would be to half your pension payments to cover the COL crisis.

income 3500 per month and plus £350
( OP DH income is about £350 a month)

I bet you don't spend ANYWHERE near the £470 bulb have 'predicted'. Get last year's bills up and get your calculator out and do yourself some maths and work out exactly what you use annually. She'll worked my dd out based on my highest months usage ever and multiplied that by 12. You can imagine how accurate that was.

Wrong thread, @happy66 ?

I thought your payments were excessive. These companies will take you to the cleaners if you don’t stand up. Well done!

When "DS goes to pre-school and we’ll get the 30 free hours. The plan is for DH to pick up more shifts at this point while he builds the business. He’ll also gig again which previously contributed about £200 a month."

That's not enough. £200 a month from a gig is nothing, it's not enough. And also why only apply for a couple of extra shifts, in 1.5 years time. This is all very low wage. Why is he not trying. Putting the work in now to earn a decent amount in years to come?

With the best will in the world OP to in your early 30's with a 4 bed, 3 storey house, a SAHP and £850 a month in pensions and savings you are not struggling. You are nowhere near struggling. There are dual income families on half your income managing.

You need to cut your cloth. Your pension contributions are equivalent to another mortgage payment. That's just silly if your house is cold

Urrrgh the one thing I can't handle emotionally is praise and positivity - I'm now blubbing. Thank you all who've been lovely

I've not had an easy time of it but I've had a few extremely wonderful people who've given me an enormous amount of help and support for no other reason than they're just good souls, and they genuinely thought it was the right thing to do, so they did.

I was a really difficult person to help. I'm extremely, extremely lucky that some people in my life persisted and helped me anyway. It wasn't just DH's parents although one of the things they did was go to school and 'explain' me to my teachers. As in, literally rocked up with a list of my teachers and went to speak to them all individually in addition to DH's on a parents evening and it sounds really daft but literally no one had ever backed me like that before and been 'in my corner'. After that, the teachers treated me COMPLETELY differently and I started getting loads and loads more help and 121 time throughout high school. I still don't know what exactly they said and I never will now. So they opened a door up for me and the more people helped me and it worked, the more open to help I was and it's ended up where it has because they made the first move.

My point is, if there's a kid you think you might be able to help who isn't yours and needs someone in their corner, be that person.

I wouldn't say you've done everything 'right'. You chose to have a child relatively young (yes, 29-30 is young these days)
I think the OP has done everything right, she’s just paying too much into her pension at the moment. There’s a very good chance she’ll be on a thread 20 years from now with the mortgage pays off, DC just finishing early , a big pension pot and taking about the high fuel prices back in the day.