I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

You are a lovely human, full of grace and gratitude. If we were all more like you the world would be better place. XO

This!

It's also been really useful for people to tell me certain things on my breakdown are really expensive etc.

For the person who asked if DH really will rent out his workshop: a post went up on our local buying and selling facebook page an hour ago, a gentleman has asked if he can come and look at it this evening. He makes distressed butchers blocks/ table tops/ decorative wood rounds and works from his garden shed that's not heated. He's keen to work over winter this year and needs somewhere warm and dry.

Some of you have some very weird opinions of husbands in general - some of the posts calling him a cocklodger etc, saying they couldnt respect a man who doesnt work are awful. He's a full time dad, he also works 1.5 days a week and has an extra bit of work on the side to try and help as much as he can. He's brilliant with DS, he's a wonderful cook and a total rock for me.

But when you are in a financial situation that the op feels os truly desperate, do you spend £5k on a potential or do you see if there is traction and then if shown there is, then you make very significant alternations to your home and spend £5k

I think it means they didn’t start trying for 13 years if they waited

Genuinely am curious… did you mean to say you held off trying for a baby for 13 years or was that a typo?

Have a look at changing your gas/electric to Octopus -

I agree. I'm with them and have to submit a meter reading every month so no estimated bills ever.

They just reduced my monthly DD because of the Government's support (see below). Admittedly I'm already in credit.

If you press the ‘see all’ button you can read all the OP’s posts, and you’d find the answer to that question (about waiting for baby). Very convenient after hundreds of posts, to save yourself asking questions that have already been answered.

Not read every single post but I’d say the high energy costs are from running the wood shop, it’s surprising how much energy machinery uses.

Personally v impressed with bulb.

customer service via email is v speedy

And it also doesn’t sound like your struggling with what you have.

Your DH needs to look at getting back into the workplace. At the moment - evenings / weekends. As you come into the free childcare from age 2 - he can start to do more hours.

He might start minimum wage but no reason he can’t train / up skill and increase his earning potential?

Think you’re doing really well after an extremely tough start - to succeed in life and love. Ignore the haters, make your changes and enjoy your life. Good luck OP.

This is not a bill. This is an estimate.
You can control/ anticipate your bills by
Finding out the cost of your energy supply to the home. This is the set cost for a supply only.not what you use.
Second , find out what your energy unit, ie cost per unit is.
Then , armed with this , you can work out what things cost.
Take a reader meeting .
To save we have shorter showers.
Use the oven less regukarly but use hob more .eg stir fry , not a baked pot in oven for an hour.
This massive bill is an estimate , you ( apart from the supply charge) have control of how much you consume.

I am still in disbelief over your council tax...we do not pay that on a zone 1 2 bed garden flat in London or on a 4 bed house in cornwall...
I admire your pension plans but again it is possibly a bit of a luxury to be putting nearly 25% into a pension.
when i was young 30's and had 2 children and big mortgage to pay etc we just put smallest amounts in , and then as got payrises etc we added a bit more and now paying 25% in in my early 50's.
You could reduce that to £500 a month and it would still be a good contribution.

Wow. 60k?

Im a single parent on 11k and I don't have money for bills OR food. I use foodbanks and OLIO app for free food.

Dog 60£ what? Insurance ? ( cancel it) . Food ( get cheaper from Aldi).

Your Dh needs to get his arse in gear and earn then you can afford your lifestlye.

Glad this thread has helped. But savings of £850 a month with pension and cash savings isn’t exactly struggling.

Haven’t read the full thread, but hopefully you’ve gained a bit of perspective here too.

sorry to hear that, I have a very similar situation to you.
but there is some difference, as you live in a big house, the energy cost is really high. I just paid £90 per month in the winter last year. and I don't have an EV car. but paid £60-90/month for petrol.

I also use Bulb, but on the opposite, I cut my Direct debit off half as there is an energy bills support scheme. gov £67 will go directly to your account.

I cut my Netflix for a long time, but keep the prime. as they have movies, music, book, and free delivery. then you could have cut Spotify and TV licenses.

Or watch free TV or youtube instead of BBC.

-phones are on £20 a month contracts
really expensive, so you really need that? I just paid £6 per month.

instant pot is a good choice, (I don't have that tho)
I also use air fry to avoid the oven.

I bought a single induction hob to avoid my build-in ceramic hob.

shop in Aldi and Lidl

hope that help.

OP, I do think psychology does play a huge part in your situation but remember, you have done brilliantly as a family and we're all wobbling a bit with the unknown before us.

I do think that your car insurance could do with a review and stand firm with your energy provider.
A smart meter would be really helpful.

Your IFA will , no doubt, give you some splendid advice. There's so much that most of us don't realise or understand about how our own money and savings work.

I doubt that changing your pet insurance would be easy as it comes with a pre-existing condition and this could end up costing you even more.

Your food bill could be tweaked a bit by maybe finding recipes that you all enjoy that uses fewer and maybe cheaper ingredients.
If your husband loves cooking, maybe he could have a challenge to just use five ingredients ( Jamie Oliver will be your friend here) a few nights a week.

I know this thread has been rather waspish at times but I genuinely think that a few tweaks and some sound advice from your IFA will help to shave some of your costs and put you in a good place , financially, going forward.

All good wishes to you , you sound like a lovely person.

There's a huge back story here, but basically as idiotic 15 year olds I fell pregnant thinking it was a great idea to have a baby - it would get me out of a situation I was in at the time, we'd get a council house and all would be well. I told a friend I was pregnant and she told her mum. Her mum told my foster parents who essentially coerced me into having an abortion by telling me I wouldn't get a house and my baby would be automatically taken into care because I was in care. The council house bit was true - I was under 18 so wouldn't have got a house or benefits until I was 18, but what they didn't mention is I'd have been able to live with DH and his parents with the baby which is what I desperately wanted and they didn't approve of because they thought DH's family were 'rough' and they hated that I spent all my time with them.

An abortion was the right decision as it turned out, ironically I'm very glad my life went in a different direction but basically after that DH and I decided when we did decide to start a family, we'd be totally financially stable and not need anyone elses help, which is what happened. We actually started actively trying when I was 25 and it took 5 years.

I'm £780 in bloody CREDIT. Last meter reading was submitted in August.

For goodness sake, move to another supplier and get this money back!

It would hardly be impossible to spend £30 in an entire month on toddler groups!
I’m in zone 3 and there are a range of things from £2/£3 up to £8/£10 per session for more of a termly class. Even if it is free £30 is only about 10 coffees over the month.
There is a free one at my library but there is a cafe and obviously they hope you buy something to enable the class to keep going.

Exactly! It's disgusting people are suggesting the SAHD get a job outside the home. He's already working ft looking after the DC.

I’ve only read some of the responses but all of OPs posts.

I don’t think I’ve anything constructive add but I have to say that OP “you are amazing”. You obviously got dealt a poor hand but what you have turned that around and are now ‘giving back’ to your SIL.

Ignore posters being nasty about your DH, they wouldn’t be saying nasty things if your roles were reversed.

There are savings you can make but they’ve all been pointed out to you so … good luck and know that you can hold your head high.

OP, I don't think you need to keep justifying yourself to posters who can't be arsed to read your posts properly.

You sound fab, your DH sounds fab, I hope you get sorted and all the very best to you

Op you’ve done so bloody well. I can’t beleive how much you’ve been through and come through as a family unit with you and your dh.what his family did for you is so lovely.you deserved that safe space remember that.
the triggers you must be receiving right now must be bloody awful.
money trauma.home,family and being safe trauma is very real and horrible.remember as much as you can right now that you are NOT back there.you are safe.you have a home and a family.so what can you do now to control your controllables.but you are not that young girl.you have so much.and you also have strength and grit to get to where you are now.
think of how easily you could have gone the other way,like so many you could have gone down a very dark whole.you haven’t.you’ve soldiered on.got a family,a home,a good job working your way up and up.safety.

so many people feel like you do right now.those who should be comfortable are feeling scared.those ready to retire can’t.those thinking they will be ok how to live as they like can’t and are having to re work finances and save again!
and yes there are those already low who are never rightly f*petrified for their literal survival.
uouve been given some great advice.
try not to panic.try to remember where you are now not where you were.and work from there.
you are jot alone in being frightened though.not at all.