Does anyone else find having friends stressful so don't bother too much

[girlfriend44]

Quite a few friends stress threads today. I also today unusually am abot passed off with a friend.
Does anyone find friends hard work and so you don't bother having any or worrying about it.
At times its like trying to maintain a relationship and you've always got to try and work out what the others doing or thinking?

If your friends stress you out, I would think about how to make some new ones.

A lack of social contact is bad for most people’s mental health, and it’s associated with dementia and shorter life spans

I agree. It's not that thee friends themselves stres me out, it's just the state of having friends. It's just more relationships you have to look after and make time for. I already struggle with the expectation that I should keep in contact with my close family, let alone friends as well. I also often find the while "having a boyfriend" thing to be stressful because it's about having to give attention to them. So, you end up feeling that if you're not giving attention to your child, then your family require some socialising, or your friends do, or your partner does. It just never ends.

I'm the opposite. My friends are interwoven into my life they are a huge part of my life and I love them like family. We work together play together relax together. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Me too. I value my relationships with friends as much as my family. Moreso, some of them. I've never really understood the "stressful friendship" thing to be honest.

Good friends don’t stress you out. I wouldn’t say any of my friends ever do. Get better friends.

Most of the time friends = drama and I really can't be bothered with the nonsense especially when you have small children

I’ve never found myself good, healthy, matching friends, so I stopped trying.
And yes, they were stressfull.
I always end up being friends with people who use me, then bully me.
I don't know what that is about.
I’m sure there has to be few good people out there, something just keeps us from finding each other…..

Ah yes it's about picking the right people. I don't know what I'd do without my friends tbh

Some of these posts are really sad. Looking back, I I don't know how I would have got through certain parts of my life without them. Along with my family, my friends mean the world to me.

OP I completely understand. It's not the friends themselves. Its the obligation and expectations of a relationship to maintain.
It's hard work and sometimes that's too much and you dont want to let anyone down or upset them.
I don't know what the answer is though. Would love to know.

I have asd and am crap at making friends. I have 2 from uni who I vaguely keep in touch with and meet up a few times a week then plenty of friendly acquaintances. However DH is my best friend and always was.

Plenty of studies showing you're happier, healthier and live longer if you have friends but I'd take them with a pinch of salt because
a. Introverts don't do studies and surveys
b. Infers cause and effect, maybe no one wants to be friends with the sick, unhappy people?

No, I love sending time with my friends, the ones who stress me out I do not consider my friends.

NC
OMG yes. I struggle to fit in time for DH, DC, family, me time, work, hobbies and friends. I have several different groups of friends. If I go out with friends on either a Fri or Sat night then I like 1 of these nights to be at home to spend with DH & DC. That limits me to only going out in the eve with 1 group of friends on a weekend. Some friends want to see me every weekend in the eve. Some friends want to spend all Saturday or Sunday with me. I work a 50 hour week and prefer to have weekend days to myself. Today all I wanted to do was stay in my pj's but friend really wanted to go out as she was at a loose end. I've wanted a pj day for the last several weekends, but I've not managed it due to friends/family demands/ wants/ needs/expectations
1 friend causes me anxiety and leaves me trying to work out her expectations and over thinking everything as she reads into anything and everything. I get so stressed. She also messages me non stop, can be overbearing and is bouncing off the walls with energy at 7am messaging me. If I don't reply then she is chasing me for a reply. She is also needy.

Its the obligation and expectations of a relationship to maintain.
It's hard work and sometimes that's too much and you dont want to let anyone down or upset them

This. Totally

I find friends stressful. They always want to tell me their dramas and I’m no longer interested

I find friends who live on different continents the best. FaceTime, emails, Christmas card, no pressure.
People you have to meet up with, entertain, fit into schedules ( theirs or mine) and can be just too frequent in your life are really hard work and frankly, I can live without them.

I find the return texts stressful as I am always planning on replying later and forgetting to reply.

I remember I haven't replied at shit times, usually when I'm ready to sleep and promise myself I'll do it tomorrow the same thing happens again the next day.

I know there are friends who don't mind and those who do.

The one's who do mind are the people who keeps replying when you do return their text so it is never ending.

Fuck sake. 😑

I don’t find friendship hard work however I do now only make an effort with the friends who make an effort with me.

some “friends” forget that contact works both ways.

I really can't be bothered to maintain friendships anymore. People are unpredictable and let you down. I go away on holiday by myself and love it. Can do what I want and when I want.

I'm not sure if it all stems from an odd friendship I had years ago. You couldn't even go to toilet without her having to make a big conversation about it everytime. In fact everything became big conversations and millions of questions. It made me paranoid.

@Friendofdennis Totally!!

My sister is my best friend.i can tell to her f off (in a nice way!) Without worrying about repercussions or upset

No i don't find it stressful really and thankfully most of the friendships I have with people are just so easy and we can go months without seeing each other or a while without talking and still good friends.

My Mother, however, like you finds maintaining friendship hard work and she lives a rather lonely life.

Good friends are effortless. They can be hard to find though. I have had some wonderful friendships over the years with some fabulous women but I move a lot so rarely maintain them for a long time. I'm currently in a bit of a friend-rut. I've moved to a new place and everyone here is still friends with the girl they sat next to in primary school. I trudge on with the friends I've made because I do think that having friends is important, but it feels like another thing on the 'to do' list rather than a pleasure. I'm sure I'll meet another easy friend somewhere along the way.

A friendship should not be stressful, it should add positively to your life. I don't really experience this, and the only friendships I have found stressful in the past I have pulled away from.

I think it depends on the friends you have and your own personality. I like spending time with people and have some friends who want to hang out quite frequently, but I also have some friends in my life that are fine with meeting up only twice a year. At first I found that a bit strange and thought they were not good friends or didn't like me but after a while I just realised that is them doing them so I just roll with it now.

For you, I would say just do what suits you and makes you happy. It's your life.