Quite a few friends stress threads today. I also today unusually am abot passed off with a friend.
Does anyone find friends hard work and so you don't bother having any or worrying about it.
At times its like trying to maintain a relationship and you've always got to try and work out what the others doing or thinking?
AIBU?
Does anyone else find having friends stressful so don't bother too much
girlfriend44 · 02/10/2022 22:43
Am I being unreasonable?
253 votes. Final results.
POLLmamabear715 · 03/10/2022 14:32
@girlfriend44 Exactly that. I don't have the headspace for it. I'm there if anyone needs me, but not going to spend hours on the phone!
WalkthisWayUK · 03/10/2022 14:35
The thing about friendships is that they can really help to break out of very entrenched ‘family’ dynamics, and open up your world.
I have some family members - steps and half siblings who have zero friendships and they are very closed and small minded.
clowerina · 03/10/2022 16:28
I find that with many friends now I am early 40s their behaviours have really started to wind me up - e.g. overly dominating friends, drama queens / kings, different values, strong political differences (to the point whereby I find it unbearable), changes in behaviour, misogyny, snobbery, passive aggressive behaviour etc.
I have pondered if I am the cause of the breakdown of many friendships but I think I am less tolerant of bullshit as I get older. And I know I am not perfect in myself. But yes sometimes it is easier to step back from old friendships and keep one's small friendship community tight knit rather than overly regular and filled with drama.
Thepeopleversuswork · 03/10/2022 10:14
@Adropofink
You're right it can be difficult and daunting. And sometimes people feel phased out by their friends or just feel that they aren't getting enough back from certain friends or friendship groups. It can be very disheartening.
But the thing is its an investment and you have to be in it to win it.
I know so many women who have got to a certain point in their lives where they've met a bloke, had children (and often are working too) and they just feel that this is the one thing they can't afford to invest in so they let it slide and then become cynical about the nature of friendship itself. Invariably these women end up isolated. And if the marriage fails, which is does in just under half of cases, it's terrifying to be in a position where there is no external support.
It's superficially very seductive to think "I'm going to let it all go". But it's a massive mistake.
You shouldn't feel that you have to sustain toxic friendships or run yourself ragged to see people you can't be bothered to see. But you do need to invest in having other networks. If this means occasionally dragging yourself out to things you can't really face, so be it. If it means making new friends, then you have to try.
Don't leave yourself with no one to rely on but your husband or DP. It's a very slippery slope.
Thedogscollar · 02/10/2022 22:55
I'm the opposite. My friends are interwoven into my life they are a huge part of my life and I love them like family. We work together play together relax together. I don't know what I'd do without them.
AliO50 · 08/10/2022 22:05
I agree to a certain degree. Sometimes a friend can change or perhaps it’s the real personality coming out. I’ve got a friend who talks over me and other people, sometimes is just mean and rude. I had become a bit of a: doormat but I’m now standing up for myself with her and gradually withdrawing. It’s been very stressful at times. I have got some good friends thankfully.
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