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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh living with women...

144 replies

Macbeth8 · 02/10/2022 15:31

dh had taken new job which requires him to work away elsewhere for 3-4 nights so has had to rent accommodation to make it as cheap as possible

Basically he has found out today there is two women living in this houseshare and 2 men!
I just feel a bit miffed at this.
Hes put me in a really uncomfortable situation. How would you feel if your dh did this?
Its silly but I just keep thinking living with 2 other women who I have no idea what theyre like etc is just strange.

OP posts:
pinheadlarry · 02/10/2022 16:25

Hopefully they are ugly

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/10/2022 16:28

InCheesusWeTrust · 02/10/2022 15:53

😂
All that uncontrolled hussies. Tsk

Show quote history

Gimlet-eyed hotties who will take advantage of his innocence . . . 😂

Sorry, OP - I don't mean to mock, but the odds are that they will barely communicate with each other except to complain if someone leaves the plughole full of hair.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/10/2022 16:28

I managed not to sleep with my male housemate when I worked on a boat. He did sleep with some of my colleagues though and all the men who lived away did or tried to cheat on their partners. It's not to do with who you're sharing a house with.

Ponderingwindow · 02/10/2022 16:30

If you were uncomfortable with him sharing with women, why didn’t you bring that up when he was looking for someplace to stay?

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/10/2022 16:30

pinheadlarry · 02/10/2022 16:25

Hopefully they are ugly

'ERE!

I'm ugly!

And I've had my moments . . . 😄😉😊

OP - if he's the type to play away he'll do it whether he's at home or not.

If he's not, he won't.

NewBootsAndRanty · 02/10/2022 16:31

You're assuming his female housemates are going to be interested in men...

YouAreNotBatman · 02/10/2022 16:32

All I can think of is poor womwn having to live with three strange men!
Not knowing if the men are safe.
Awful!

Phos · 02/10/2022 16:34

It's a houseshare. Most houseshares are mixed sex (unless sometimes its a single woman who only wants a woman to share with, or there are religious issues at play)

I met DH in a houseshare but we were both single when we met and I would say very much the exception, not the norm!

I think its unreasonable to be miffed that there will be women in the house. I'd understand if you were unhappy about the being apart 3-4 nights a week but presumably that is something you decided you were ok with when he took the role.

Hugocat1 · 02/10/2022 16:36

No it wouldn’t be for me I’m afraid. Not very cool I know but here we are!

Comedycook · 02/10/2022 16:38

I don't know why the ops getting a hard time...I'd be really unhappy with this set up...I think lots of people would.

ExtraOnions · 02/10/2022 16:39

I lived with 5 men at uni … didn’t shag any of them. As the years have past I have been to the weddings of 3 of them, and just about to go to the 4th

Not all women are predators waiting to pounce on the next man that comes by.

Either you trust him or you don’t - simple

Scottishskifun · 02/10/2022 16:41

Comedycook · 02/10/2022 16:38

I don't know why the ops getting a hard time...I'd be really unhappy with this set up...I think lots of people would.

Why?
I lived in professional houseshares for years strangely enough I never slept with any of my housemates!

They have a choice either pay astronomical rent prices for somewhere on their own or go into a house share.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if my DH had to do this but I trust him just like he does me (and I was in a professional house share for the first year of our relationship)

Stillfunny · 02/10/2022 16:42

My DH did this for 4 years .Mon -Fri , in a different country. But it wasnt the housemates that he cheated on me with. Hence STBX .

Noteverybodylives · 02/10/2022 16:43

Living with women wouldn’t bother me.

I know lots of women whose partners work away.

But if I had DCs I’d be a bit miffed/jealous that I’m the one juggling work, housework and childcare whilst he gets to live like a student with no responsibilities again.

InCheesusWeTrust · 02/10/2022 16:43

YouAreNotBatman · 02/10/2022 16:32

All I can think of is poor womwn having to live with three strange men!
Not knowing if the men are safe.
Awful!

They don't "have" to. If you have such distrist in other sex, you can find single sex sharedhouses.
I lived in mixed and in single sex and both were absolutely fine.
No one shagged anyone, there is usually an interview and all housemates had to agree they were happy with new housemate.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/10/2022 16:43

I’ve had to live away in company flat shares like this and so has my partner.

I’m sure they’ll manage to resist him.

mast0650 · 02/10/2022 16:48

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all. Given he is living away part time, which obviously isn't ideal, living with a mixed group is neither here nor there! Bit different if I learned he was living with one other woman maybe. Unless there is more to this story...?

AcrossthePond55 · 02/10/2022 16:54

If your DH is trustworthy it wouldn't matter if a woman danced naked in front of him screaming "Do me, baby!", he would still say 'no'. Either you trust your DH or you don't. And don't give me the shit about "but it's the women I don't trust". No woman/man can 'seduce' a man/woman into having sex if they are truly committed to their relationship.

So, do you trust him? If the answer is 'yes', then calm the heck down. If the answer is 'no', then you better evaluate your whole marriage. There cannot be love where there is no trust.

LimpBiskit · 02/10/2022 16:54

Ah yes I see the problem. It would be better if it were four women as then he'd have more choice and less competition.

altmember · 02/10/2022 16:55

I can see why you're feeling uncomfortable if you're used to living together as a family unit, and then suddenly your OH is away for more than half the week. A hotel/bed sit is one thing, but sharing kitchen/dining/living space with others is slightly different. Even if you trust him explicitly and he doesn't cheat, there's the constant thought in your mind that he's spending more time living with other people than he is at home with you and the kids.

The longer that goes on and the more they cook, eat, watch tv and socialise together, the more likely he is to find comfort in someone else's company. If it's long term, ongoing arrangement then I think it's a bit different to a few weeks (or even months) temporarily working away.

BuggersMuddle · 02/10/2022 16:55

Sensible adults are not going to hook up with their flatmates in a house share. There are much, much less complicated ways to play away and if someone wants to do that, they'll do it regardless of their living arrangements.

If it was one other person I'd maybe raise an eyebrow, but a mixed group is neither here nor there. It'd be just as easy to get close to someone (in no way suggesting your DH would do this btw!) by lunching with them or regular after work drinks.

Dirtylittleroses · 02/10/2022 16:58

Comedycook · 02/10/2022 16:38

I don't know why the ops getting a hard time...I'd be really unhappy with this set up...I think lots of people would.

I’m guessing there is a backstory of either cheating or insecurity/jealousy?

if you are in a strong relationship and trust your partner and don’t suffer from these mental health issues then a professional house share would not concern you. If your partner is going to cheat on you then a professional house share isn’t going to make the difference. Only locking him in the house will do that.

KrisAkabusi · 02/10/2022 16:58

mast0650 · 02/10/2022 16:48

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all. Given he is living away part time, which obviously isn't ideal, living with a mixed group is neither here nor there! Bit different if I learned he was living with one other woman maybe. Unless there is more to this story...?

There is. Every week the OP posts about her partner. Their is no trust from either of them. Her partner is a dick, but she doesn't see it. Every week she is told the relationship is dead, but she doesn't see it. Neither of them has respect for the other.

PanicAtTheBigTesco · 02/10/2022 16:59

Ah just noticed who the OP is...

Tsort · 02/10/2022 16:59

Comedycook · 02/10/2022 16:38

I don't know why the ops getting a hard time...I'd be really unhappy with this set up...I think lots of people would.

Seriously? As illustrated by this thread, most of us are aware that houseshares exist and are not hotbeds of sexual depravity. 😂

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