When people drop massive hints for favours ..

[domesofpillows]

What do you do?
Do you acknowledge it? Answer as if they've asked you? Ignore it?
I have so many people in my life who drop massive hints for favours. I have to say it's mainly my mum who does this.

Such as things like: going to an event a family member has messaged me "Bob won't be able to come tomorrow because he can't get a lift and has no way of getting there".
I KNOW they want me to say "oh I'll pick Bob up".

Or "I was going to come to your house tomorrow. It will take me a while to get there. I'm not sure how many buses I'd need to get or which buses they are. Hopefully I won't get lost and I hope I'll eventually get to yours at some point in the day. I really don't know which bus to get. Do you know which?"

Usually I'll say "it's fine, I'll pick you up". Or something. But it's happened again today where I know it's a massive hint for me to do someone a favour. I'd rather they just ask that all this fannying about.
And half the time it isn't a favour I actually want to do, but feel like I should.

[domesofpillows]

@Popcorns
Oh god I hate this 🙈
I just hate when that sort of thing happens. It makes me die inside!
I'm so bad though, I'll go so far out of my way to help someone and then can feel really posed off afterwards that I've done it.

I remember when I was getting married and invited a relative who said "god I don't know how I'll get there. I'll probably have to get a taxi or something. I wonder what that'll cost? God .. (looking around and looking at the invite)." The venue was only a 20 min drive from their house.
I said to DP "I know they'll expect me to pick them up and take them to the venue".
DP was like "there's no chance we are giving them a lift on our wedding day! They can get a taxi for once!"

[Popcorns]

I ignore hints on principal. If they don't directly ask, I will not help them.

Love this principal.

[Popcorns]

@domesofpillows

@Popcorns
Oh god I hate this 🙈
I just hate when that sort of thing happens. It makes me die inside!
I'm so bad though, I'll go so far out of my way to help someone and then can feel really posed off afterwards that I've done it.

I remember when I was getting married and invited a relative who said "god I don't know how I'll get there. I'll probably have to get a taxi or something. I wonder what that'll cost? God .. (looking around and looking at the invite)." The venue was only a 20 min drive from their house.
I said to DP "I know they'll expect me to pick them up and take them to the venue".
DP was like "there's no chance we are giving them a lift on our wedding day! They can get a taxi for once!"

Honestly I can totally relate, I've been the same for years! And I'd mostly feel like a total mug afterwards, especially when it seemed those I'd helped out never reciprocated any act of kindness or favour.

It genuinely feels liberating to not be that person anymore! I've never expected a lift, or favours, and definitely wouldn't hint - I cant put my finger on exactly why but it feels rude! I've always sorted myself out, and planned a bus/uber if needed.

[domesofpillows]

@Popcorns
I'm the same. I don't ask for help ever, which in some ways may seem an issue in itself. I struggle to accept any kind of offers of help from anyone. I've always sorted myself out and depended on myself for everything even when it's been really hard.
I usually help others a lot and go out of my way, even if it makes things harder for me.
I'm currently reading several books on boundaries! Although it's difficult to implement!

[urgen]

I don’t agree with a PP who says it’s not all these CF who are asking/hinting for lifts…. It’s actually the drivers who are insisting on giving them a lift!

I don’t buy it. These people who proudly proclaim they don’t drive, don’t need to are EXACTLY the sort of people who drop these hints.

[melj1213]

@urgen

I don’t agree with a PP who says it’s not all these CF who are asking/hinting for lifts…. It’s actually the drivers who are insisting on giving them a lift!

I don’t buy it. These people who proudly proclaim they don’t drive, don’t need to are EXACTLY the sort of people who drop these hints.

There is a fine line though - sometimes people can be discussing their transport issues without fishing for a lift, and sometimes people are happy to walk but driver's insist on lifts - not every single case is black and white. I think it entirely depends on context.

I have been able to drive since I was 17, but after I moved back from living abroad a car wasn't a priority. I have one now but for about 5 years I walked to and from work every day (I work late shifts in a supermarket so finish at 10pm) and was more than happy to do so.

Sometimes it would start raining or I'd have had a tiring shift or it would be a big Saturday night (I had to walk through our town centre and if there was an even on at one of the pubs/clubs then walking through drunk revellers at 10.30/11pm at night was not fun) etc and decided to book a taxi home. Very occasionally it might be impossible to book a taxi, or it was an hour wait after my shift etc. If I was trying to pre-book before the end of my shift and was struggling, or it started chucking it down and I knew I couldn't call to book a taxi till my break later and it would invariably be a long wait after my shift, I would occasionally moan about it to my coworkers.

This was 100% me just venting in annoyance at the inconvenience and planning to walk home and just get wet/take the long way round etc. Sometimes a coworker would offer a lift off the back of the conversation - I was in no way fishing for one, but it could easily be taken as me hinting.

Once I got my car I obviously didn't have that issue but the other week my car was at the garage so I had walked to work. As we were leaving work that night I started walking out of the car park, only for a colleague to ask where I was going. When I explained I had walked because the car was in the garage she offered me a lift. I was happy to walk as it was a warm, light night so said thanks but I'm fine and you'd have thought I had insulted her first born. She just kept saying "It's fine, I don't mind, it's no problem, it's not really out of the way, it's no trouble" etc because she just could not seem to comprehend that I was more than happy to walk 30 minutes rather than be dropped off in 5. It took a good few minutes of me saying "Thank you but Im fine walking ... No really, I am happy to walk ... Honestly, you're fine I enjoy the walk ... Seriously I don't want a lift, please let me go home" and then just walking away before she got the hint that I really was happy walking.

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@urgen

I don’t agree with a PP who says it’s not all these CF who are asking/hinting for lifts…. It’s actually the drivers who are insisting on giving them a lift!

I don’t buy it. These people who proudly proclaim they don’t drive, don’t need to are EXACTLY the sort of people who drop these hints.

Exactly !!! LOL, as IF drivers are DESPERATE to give lifts to people who don't drive/don't have a car. Fuck that! Most drivers - including myself - have been used, and had the piss taken out of us far too many times (by cheeky fuckers expecting lifts, never offering petrol money, and using us as a free taxi service.) As IF we would INSIST we drive non-drivers around everywhere. That poster is utterly deluded! 😂

[WomanStanleyWoman2]

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Exactly !!! LOL, as IF drivers are DESPERATE to give lifts to people who don't drive/don't have a car. Fuck that! Most drivers - including myself - have been used, and had the piss taken out of us far too many times (by cheeky fuckers expecting lifts, never offering petrol money, and using us as a free taxi service.) As IF we would INSIST we drive non-drivers around everywhere. That poster is utterly deluded! 😂

I presume I’m the poster you’re calling “deluded” somewhere amongst the exclamation mark overdose and the silly little laughing emojis?

All I can say is, I know what I’ve experienced. I really don’t need your input.

[urgen]

So drivers are literally forcing you to be given a lift?? You would of course much rather walk at 2200 at night, or when it is freezing and pouring down. Don’t talk such nonsense!

Presumably this is another non driver who claims it’s a waste of money to drive and have a car especially as all these drivers have nothing better to do then force people into their cars and drive them where they want to go for FREE of course because they would rather walk 2 miles home.

[Popcorns]

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Exactly !!! LOL, as IF drivers are DESPERATE to give lifts to people who don't drive/don't have a car. Fuck that! Most drivers - including myself - have been used, and had the piss taken out of us far too many times (by cheeky fuckers expecting lifts, never offering petrol money, and using us as a free taxi service.) As IF we would INSIST we drive non-drivers around everywhere. That poster is utterly deluded! 😂

I agree.

The CFs are also, always, rubbish at giving directions when you have been good enough guilted to give a lift.

"It's that left!" -- as you pass it.

And when you ask "Which way here?" They say "That way!" While brandishing their hand indistinguishably.

[melj1213]

@urgen

So drivers are literally forcing you to be given a lift?? You would of course much rather walk at 2200 at night, or when it is freezing and pouring down. Don’t talk such nonsense!

Presumably this is another non driver who claims it’s a waste of money to drive and have a car especially as all these drivers have nothing better to do then force people into their cars and drive them where they want to go for FREE of course because they would rather walk 2 miles home.

Did you read my post? Drivers offering lifts often assume that everyone wants to be given a lift and that if you say "No I'm fine" you're waiting for them to reassure you it's fine before you accept. Not every driver does this but I have experienced it enough to know it happens.

I literally had someone trying to force a lift on me at 10pm on a summer evening where it was still light and was wonderful weather. After stressful shifts I like some quiet time, now I tend to just drive home in silence but walking home allows me time to decompress after a shift too. My coworker just couldn't seem to accept that I was happy to walk rather than be driven since it was quicker. had it been raining or freezing, or I'd had to walk 5 miles home then I might have taken her up on it, but it was a 30minutes stroll along main roads on a nice evening.

Now I have a car again and drive regularly, when leaving work if there are colleagues who walk on shift then I will ask once "You alright for getting home?" And if they say yes I don't ask further and bid them good night. If they respond with something like "I'm walking" or "I'm just texting mum/dad/DP/taxi to come and get me" I will offer a lift, if they say yes I will drop them off, if they say no then I will bid them good night.

[WomanStanleyWoman2]

@urgen

So drivers are literally forcing you to be given a lift?? You would of course much rather walk at 2200 at night, or when it is freezing and pouring down. Don’t talk such nonsense!

Presumably this is another non driver who claims it’s a waste of money to drive and have a car especially as all these drivers have nothing better to do then force people into their cars and drive them where they want to go for FREE of course because they would rather walk 2 miles home.

It isn’t nonsense at all. You’re not coming across as particularly bright.

I barely ever travel by car. I can probably count the number of times this year on one hand. If it was pouring down with rain and someone going my way offered me a lift, of course I’d take it - I don’t think there’s anything unusual in that. But if it’s an ordinary journey I’d have been making on the bus or train anyway, I don’t want anyone feeling obliged to offer me a lift and acting like getting public transport is some sort of terrible hardship.

Did you even read my original post? It was in response to another poster who found it odd that some people were acting like OP was a terrible daughter for letting her mother get on a bus - as did I.