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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not need mansplaining regarding my breasts?

185 replies

Minimalme · 30/09/2022 10:55

I have had some localised breast pain for last couple of months.

GP examined me and said she could feel "something" so referred me to the breast clinic.

Appointment today and was told the male
Consultant wouldn't wear a face mask but I had to.

He examined my breasts which I found really difficult because he is male.

He has concluded the pain I feel is because of my underwired bra being too tight. I told him it isn't and the pain has been consistent and I don't sleep in a bra and often wear non underwired bras.

He told me that he "still thinks it is" caused by my bra.

Then he refused to do a mammogram. He said as am 49 I will get one soon anyway.

DH has taken a day off work so I can be dismissed after a 5 minute examination.

I am upset, angry and importantly, still worried because this man has dismissed my GP's concern using his special powers of mansplaining.

I am now going private. We are not comfortably off by any stretch of the imagination.

OP posts:
ChangedNameAgain99 · 30/09/2022 10:57

He’s probably tested himself for covid. And perhaps he’s seen that pain before? He probably looks at and analyses more breast/breast pain than you do?

Midnights · 30/09/2022 10:59

I'm not sure I'd call it mansplaining just because he's a man, he's a medical specialist giving a medical specialist opinion?

Going private for a second opinion must be tough financially, hopefully it'll give you some peace of mind with either a further investigation or a confirmation of what's been said.

Not sure on him not wearing a mask being relevant to this though.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 30/09/2022 10:59

ChangedNameAgain99 · 30/09/2022 10:57

He’s probably tested himself for covid. And perhaps he’s seen that pain before? He probably looks at and analyses more breast/breast pain than you do?

Yeah, all breasts are the same so he obviously knows what it is 🙄

mamabear715 · 30/09/2022 11:00

I feel your anger. You are doing the right thing going private. Your health is far more important, & I wish you all the best.

SleeplessInEngland · 30/09/2022 11:00

I think if we're going to accuse GPs of mansplaining then the term doesn't mean much anymore.

NurseInTraining · 30/09/2022 11:01

If he is a consultant then I don't think that is mansplaining.

VroomVrooom · 30/09/2022 11:03

Sorry for your experience OP. And sorry for the people dismissing your experience on this thread.

I had an awful experiencing of a breast surgeon dismissing and minimising my pain.

SalviaOfficinalis · 30/09/2022 11:03

I would contact PALS and ask to see another Dr and/or have a mammogram. Ridiculous to insist it’s because of your underwire when you know it isn’t.

Of course you could go private in the mean time but there’s no harm in trying to pursue it with the hospital too.

If something was found from your private examination you might still need to go back into the NHS System for treatment (unless you could afford private) so it might be beneficial to you to stay in the hospital system.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 30/09/2022 11:07

I think you are right to seek a second opinion and a mammogram. I once did precisely this - and it turned out that this was pain caused by my underwired bra. If you'd been me, your consultant would have been right.

However, and it's a big however, the potential consequences of getting it wrong are far too serious to take risks with. IMO, where there's any doubt it's always better to check.

I hope it does turn out to be nothing serious.

Rosehugger · 30/09/2022 11:08

Breast cancer is so common, I don't know why they would leave it in any doubt and not do a mammogram when someone is in pain, particularly when they are a 49 year old woman. Sorry that you've not been taken seriously, OP. It's bloody typical of the "hysterical woman" attitude many doctors still have.

AchatAVendre · 30/09/2022 11:11

What exactly is the problem in sending you for a mammogram?

We all know its about the NHS trying to save money, and this pointless jumping through hoops to be taken seriously affects more women than men.

DH recently suffered a very similar injury to me. He was sent for an MRI scan immediately whereas I had to wait 5 months and visit 3 times in order to get one. I turned out to have the more serious condition, which was badly affected by the advice that there was nothing seriously wrong.

neverbeenskiing · 30/09/2022 11:14

I think people are getting unnecessarily hung up on your misuse of the term mansplaining and missing the point. A mammogram would put your mind at rest and you've been refused one. YANBU to feel upset about that. You don't need to go private to get a second opinion, if you are unhappy with the outcome you are entitled to ask to be reviewed by another doctor but they may agree with the first doctors assessment.

AutumnSquill · 30/09/2022 11:15

That sounds really bad. Yes, put in a complaint and get a mammogram one way or another. I've had breast cancer, diagnosed by a mammogram. Even once I knew there was a lump, and where it was, I still found it difficult to actually feel it.

Booklover3 · 30/09/2022 11:18

I think he should have given you a mammogram regardless.

Original poster
Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:19

I used mansplaining because he is a man who has never worn an underwired bra and was telling me about it.

Having a man examine you intimately then refuse you a basic test and tell you twice that a piece of clothing is the issue made me feel like shit.

OP posts:
DestinyIsAll · 30/09/2022 11:20

I’m well over two years into treatment for a breast issue. I’ve seen multiple consultants frequently, mostly male, and in any kind of examination situation there has without fail been a female also present as a ‘chaperone’. This has been over two Trusts and seems to be the norm/policy. I have also been asked if I’m comfortable with a male. They have generally shown consideration for my wellbeing and comfort and I’m sorry you haven’t had a similar experience.

I would go to Pals, ask for another consultation and press for screening. At one point I also asked my GP to refer me for a second opinion at a different hospital and this was done, so it also could be worth asking this.

I would also just say that mammograms are helpful, but not always conclusive and women should never rely on it as their only screening method . Self checking properly, on a monthly basis from young adulthood is absolutely key.

I hope it turns out to be nothing serious OP.

Original poster
Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:21

WRT to the mask, surely other HCPs could test and be negative for Covid? They all wore masks.

OP posts:
Rosehugger · 30/09/2022 11:22

When I had what turned out to be a cyst the size of a small orange on my ovary (and ended up being diganosed with endometriosis and needed keyhole surgery) I was so glad my GP (also a man) treated me as if it were ovarian cancer - which the symptoms could have been, quite frankly. Even if it did give me a cancer scare for a couple of days.

BrimFullOfAsher · 30/09/2022 11:24

Of course yabu to call it mansplaining. He is a specialist in the field he is explaining to you.

SavingsThreads · 30/09/2022 11:24

NurseInTraining · 30/09/2022 11:01

If he is a consultant then I don't think that is mansplaining.

Disagree. I had a male gynae consultant tell me my ovarian cysts were back pain. Shock, they weren't.

purpleboy · 30/09/2022 11:25

Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:19

I used mansplaining because he is a man who has never worn an underwired bra and was telling me about it.

Having a man examine you intimately then refuse you a basic test and tell you twice that a piece of clothing is the issue made me feel like shit.

Some of us get it, others just want to minimise your feelings and experience.

He should have sent you for a mammogram, would it be worth going back to your Gp and asking for another referral, either refuse the male doctor, or be firm and tell him you want the mammogram and you won't leave until you get it.

Women are very often not taken seriously when it comes to their health, and often we don't speak up and fight for ourselves for a variety of reasons, the implications of him being wrong are too high risk for me. We have the NHS for a reason, and you are entitled to the services provided. Find your voice op, fight for yourself. Flowers

Original poster
Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:26

DestinyIsAll · 30/09/2022 11:20

I’m well over two years into treatment for a breast issue. I’ve seen multiple consultants frequently, mostly male, and in any kind of examination situation there has without fail been a female also present as a ‘chaperone’. This has been over two Trusts and seems to be the norm/policy. I have also been asked if I’m comfortable with a male. They have generally shown consideration for my wellbeing and comfort and I’m sorry you haven’t had a similar experience.

I would go to Pals, ask for another consultation and press for screening. At one point I also asked my GP to refer me for a second opinion at a different hospital and this was done, so it also could be worth asking this.

I would also just say that mammograms are helpful, but not always conclusive and women should never rely on it as their only screening method . Self checking properly, on a monthly basis from young adulthood is absolutely key.

I hope it turns out to be nothing serious OP.

Sorry you are going through this. I have lost all faith in the system.

My GP was so awesome and did exactly the same examination they Consultant did. I think she will be disappointed to know that her referral doesn't even result in a basic mammogram.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 30/09/2022 11:26

Did you not have a chaperone? I thought that was standard, to protect both you and a male examiner.

Ginisatonic · 30/09/2022 11:26

I would report this to PALS. I had bilateral breast cancer which was picked up on a routine mammogram. I had three areas of cancer and even once I had been diagnosed neither me or the medical staff could feel them.
I would be especially upset by this as you will be being called for a routine mammogram very soon anyway so it is only being brought forward slightly early.
Good luck OP. It is very likely nothing to worry about but if it is catching it early is crucial.

FarmerRefuted · 30/09/2022 11:27

Push back with the hospital, take it back to your GP and ask them to refer you specifically for a mammogram or go via PALS and say that you're not happy with the outcome of the appointment (or go belt and braces and do both).

I went to the GP for one sided breast pain, GP could also feel something but wasn't sure what so referred me. I saw a doctor who examined me and was fairly confident it was just one of those things and nothing sinister but sent me for an ultrasound and a mammogram (done the same day as part of a one-stop-shop clinic). It turned out to be nothing but NHS/CCG protocol is that it must be investigated.