Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not need mansplaining regarding my breasts?

185 replies

Minimalme · 30/09/2022 10:55

I have had some localised breast pain for last couple of months.

GP examined me and said she could feel "something" so referred me to the breast clinic.

Appointment today and was told the male
Consultant wouldn't wear a face mask but I had to.

He examined my breasts which I found really difficult because he is male.

He has concluded the pain I feel is because of my underwired bra being too tight. I told him it isn't and the pain has been consistent and I don't sleep in a bra and often wear non underwired bras.

He told me that he "still thinks it is" caused by my bra.

Then he refused to do a mammogram. He said as am 49 I will get one soon anyway.

DH has taken a day off work so I can be dismissed after a 5 minute examination.

I am upset, angry and importantly, still worried because this man has dismissed my GP's concern using his special powers of mansplaining.

I am now going private. We are not comfortably off by any stretch of the imagination.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:27

BrimFullOfAsher · 30/09/2022 11:24

Of course yabu to call it mansplaining. He is a specialist in the field he is explaining to you.

About underwired bras? Goodness!

OP posts:
FarmerRefuted · 30/09/2022 11:27

Oh, and I'm younger than you so nowhere near screening age.

ManateeFair · 30/09/2022 11:27

Bras (as he knows, because he is a consultant) can cause lots of issues that persist when you are not wearing the bra. If an underwire is causing a nerve to be pinched or something like that it will not only hurt when you’re wearing the bra - a bit like grinding your teeth can cause facial pain even when you’re not doing it.

If there is no lump he can feel and no other signs of anything wrong then I think YABU to think he’s mansplaining or giving you poor advice. But YANBU to get a second opinion if it will put your mind at rest.

SirenSays · 30/09/2022 11:28

I'm sorry OP they really don't seem to try to put people's minds at ease. My breast clinic appointment was over so quickly. She said well I don't think it's cancer, you'd have X symptom.
So I said oh no sometimes I do have that symptom!
And she said something like it's probably fine and walked me out. So now I'm just hoping I'm OK

Original poster
Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:30

ManateeFair · 30/09/2022 11:27

Bras (as he knows, because he is a consultant) can cause lots of issues that persist when you are not wearing the bra. If an underwire is causing a nerve to be pinched or something like that it will not only hurt when you’re wearing the bra - a bit like grinding your teeth can cause facial pain even when you’re not doing it.

If there is no lump he can feel and no other signs of anything wrong then I think YABU to think he’s mansplaining or giving you poor advice. But YANBU to get a second opinion if it will put your mind at rest.

Except to people who have had breast cancer but could not feel a lump? How does that work them?

Lucky you to have such faith.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:33

And I don't need a mammogram to put my mind at rest, I needed it because I have had symptoms and a GP able to feel a lump.

I feel I had a right to have a mammogram.

I will be called next year because I have reached the magic age of 50. I don't want to wait 10 months.

OP posts:
JustAWeirdoWithNoName · 30/09/2022 11:33

Definitely contact PALS. Ngl a lot of breast surgeons seem to be completely twats (I once attended a meeting with a breast surgeon who had his wife sat on one side of him and his mistress on the other)

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 30/09/2022 11:35

Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:27

About underwired bras? Goodness!

Show quote history

What if a female GP had said this to you? Would you check her qualification in the wearing of underwired bras?

Take his advice, wear only non-wired bras for a bit and if it still hurts go back to your GP. Or take other advice and get in touch with PALS and press for the mammogram.

Doctors are not omniscient. They are human and make their decisions based on years of training, and the experience they have they with the patients they see and how they present. Sometimes this means they get things wrong. But whether he's worn a bra or not, he has still seen far more women with breast pain than you have and is qualified to diagnose. It's worth taking note of what he says rather than dismissing out of hand with the word "mansplaining".

Sexism definitely exists in healthcare but this is not an example.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2022 11:36

You won’t get the mammogram dead on 50 either. NHS cites between 50 and 53. You’re definitely doing the right thing.

phishy · 30/09/2022 11:39

YANBU, OP. I would go back to my GP, explain the male consultant was dismissive and that you want a referral to a female consultant.

I would hate for a male consultant to examine my breasts. You should have the right to a female consultant.

Wombat27A · 30/09/2022 11:40

Another one who was told it's my bra and to wear soft bras all the time. I do now and it is actually better. I do have a lump in that area, so was scanned tho. Had another mammogram since and still ok.

It's after 50, up to your 53rd year, I think, so it might be a while to wait. My routine one was done at 50 tho.

FarmerRefuted · 30/09/2022 11:40

Thing is though, unless he has xray vision then he can't say for certain whether the pain is from an underwire or whether it's due to changes in breast tissue which may or may not be cancerous in nature. So it would be acceptable to say "I think it's due to your underwire" but he should not rule out other causes without first checking those causes.

If you went to a doctor due to blood when wiping your bottom and abdominal pain, would you expect to be told "I think you need more fibre/I think its a temporary gastrointestinal inflammation" and sent on your way or would you expect bowel cancer to still be ruled out?

DoubleYolker · 30/09/2022 11:42

Minimalme · 30/09/2022 11:19

I used mansplaining because he is a man who has never worn an underwired bra and was telling me about it.

Having a man examine you intimately then refuse you a basic test and tell you twice that a piece of clothing is the issue made me feel like shit.

While I understand you are upset at the way the consultation went, I don’t think it’s appropriate to dismiss his opinion because he’s a man. And I don’t think it’s mansplaining either.

He is a specialist that has spent years studying and practising. Most doctors will never have personally experienced the symptoms or illnesses that they treat, regardless of whether they are the same sex as the patient or not. That doesn’t invalidate the knowledge and experience.

You were referred for an opinion, and you got one, which I appreciate you don’t agree with and you can chose a second opinion or to go private.

Hitchhikingghosts · 30/09/2022 11:44

I’m not in the UK, but do you only get a mammogram when you’re 50? It’s 40 here.

BloodAndFire · 30/09/2022 11:44

I don't understand why your husband took the day off work?

Musti · 30/09/2022 11:45

I’ve worn underwires bras for 30 years and they don’t cause breast pain because the wire isn’t on the breast! You’ve told him you don’t always wear them and it isn’t something you’ve always had. I would ask to see someone else. Go back to your gp and explain!

candycaneframe · 30/09/2022 11:45

How is it mansplaining when a male doctor offers a diagnosis

Ffs, get a grip

reesewithoutaspoon · 30/09/2022 11:46

You wont automatically get a mammogram at 50. I was 52 before I was called for my first one. You could be waiting up to 4 years.

Hitchhikingghosts · 30/09/2022 11:48

Why did your husband take a day off work..?!

Sometimessometime · 30/09/2022 11:51

Oh the one hand I agree he sounded dismissive and failed to do his job because you are not reassured.

On the other hand he probably has quite a lot of qualifications in medical issues related to the breast and therefore this can't be called mansplaining. He was doing his job by examining you. He presumably felt only healthy breast tissue and should know what he's looking for much better than a GP. If he's right he's done a good job medically, but a bad job of explaining and if he's wrong then he's negligent. Neither is mansplaining.

I once had something similar and it was indeed caused by a tight sports bra. Have you tried not wearing any kind of tight fitting bra for 2 weeks and seeing if the pain eases?

crowsfeet57 · 30/09/2022 11:52

OP are you sure he isn't right?

I had breast pain for over two years, it was so bad I was taking painkillers every day. I had mammograms and scans but they couldn't find anything. Finally I had an appointment with a breast nurse, she took one look and said "It's your bra!" I was wearing an underwired bra but with a very small bit at the front. She told me to make sure the front came higher up to give more support. I took her advice and have not had any problems since. That was probably 15 years ago.

SalviaOfficinalis · 30/09/2022 11:54

Hitchhikingghosts · 30/09/2022 11:48

Why did your husband take a day off work..?!

Because she was expecting that the outcome of the appointment could have been that she may have breast cancer. Quite obviously.

ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 30/09/2022 11:54

That's ridiculous and I would absolutely ask for a second opinion and insist on a Mammogram. Last year I had a lump under my arm that was slightly in breast tissue so I was referred. I ended up having a mammogram, ultrasound and a biopsy because the consultant said that even though he was 99% sure it was a cyst he wouldn't be doing his job correctly without sending me away knowing he was 100% certain and I was so thankful for that.

It was a cyst but coupled with my crippling health anxiety 99% wasn't good enough for me.

Sometimessometime · 30/09/2022 11:54

Also, mammograms involve radiation, it's not a good idea to have them if not medically necessary

Namechangehereandnow · 30/09/2022 11:58

I don’t think it was mansplaining.
Just because he’s male doesn’t mean he can’t understand about women’s breasts and underwear in his highly specialised medical field.

I think women can underestimate just how much pain can be caused by bras to be honest. One of my underwired causes pain after a few days, and takes days or longer to subside after stopping wearing it - it appears to be no different to my others so I can’t understand it, but it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

You're entitled to a second opinion, rather than go private, you could ask your gp for a referral elsewhere for one.