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Original poster

My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

409 replies

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 18:45

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 29/09/2022 20:19

School shouldn't have let them out late but not unreasonable for the teacher to expect him to speak up when she told them to run for the bus before it left.

QuebecBagnet · 29/09/2022 20:19

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:17

All phones in the school are handed into reception on the way into school and collected at end of day. Hence why he had no phone on him.

Must be a small school. At DD’s school they’d have 1000+ phones in the office!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 20:19

Greeneyegirl · 29/09/2022 20:12

I think the school were a bit rubbish but honestly it seems like your son does need to learn to speak up a bit. My sister is 11 and just started school. She would have said first off to the teacher 'youre keeping us late and i have a bus to catch! ". if that didn't work she would have insisted on getting her phone and absolutely not got on the bus. She would have called our mum, dad or me to let get her. She can follow a series of events through to a logical conclusion in her mind and make a decision based on that.

My DD who is 12 would have done this. She is the opposite of my DS. Dc are all different. Brought up the same but different

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 29/09/2022 20:19

Coyoacan · 29/09/2022 20:16

I was surprised that the wee lad didn't think to knock on a door and ask to borrow a phone to call his mum, but it turns that that hasn't occurred to any of the many posters here, so what am I missing?

Yeah, good idea to have an 11 year old knock on random doors .

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 20:21

donttellmehesalive · 29/09/2022 20:19

School shouldn't have let them out late but not unreasonable for the teacher to expect him to speak up when she told them to run for the bus before it left.

My DC had no idea it wasn’t his bus. There are no number. It was last one there as others had left

OP posts:
ancientgran · 29/09/2022 20:21

cantkeepawayforever · 29/09/2022 19:02

Just as a comparison - recently experienced a new Y12 at a very large sixth form college who had missed the bus home (10 miles away). Site staff saw them, scooped them up, took them to office staff, who helped the student charge their phone, called a taxi on the college account and waited with them until the taxi arrived. That’s at 16! The lack of care at 11 is appalling.

As another comparison - a month after my 17th birthday (so max 11 months older) I was married and running a home as well as a fulltime job. I'm not saying marriage at 17 is right for everyone but the idea of a 16 year old being "scooped up" is bizarre. A 16 year old walking into school and explaining they'd missed the bus and needed to call home fine, no idea why the school should be paying for taxis, it wasn't their fault the 16 year old missed the bus.

WindyKnickers · 29/09/2022 20:21

Coyoacan · 29/09/2022 20:16

I was surprised that the wee lad didn't think to knock on a door and ask to borrow a phone to call his mum, but it turns that that hasn't occurred to any of the many posters here, so what am I missing?

This is probably the last thing I would suggest to my DC in a similar situation. If there's a shop, pub etc nearby then to ask for help from staff there maybe or my DC know that mum's are usually safe adults so of they see a lady with children to ask for help from them. But not to knock on strangers doors

EtonMessy · 29/09/2022 20:21

Your poor DS , that is very scary . Well done to him for staying at the bus stop and waiting for you.
Even at secondary, we were made to line up in the playground for our buses and then told when to walk over to them. Think it was because some buses where going to very rural farming areas up to 15 miles away so school needed to know we were all on the right bus !!
Definitely take it further ! I know typically for Mumsnet you’ll get those saying they were getting whatever is the school bus equivalent to inter railing round Europe at 11 but each child is different and a summer born new to secondary school can be very daunting. Hope he’s feeling more confident soon .

LuckyLil · 29/09/2022 20:22

Rather than brushing it aside as his own fault, at the very least they should be open to learning from this to make sure it doesn't happen again. Perhaps having the teachers make sure they are putting children on the right coaches wouldn't be a big ask.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 29/09/2022 20:22

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 20:19

My DD who is 12 would have done this. She is the opposite of my DS. Dc are all different. Brought up the same but different

Show quote history

I'm not convinced that posters sister would have dome all that a few weeks into a new school

What you think they'll do and what they actually do in a new situation like this can be totally different

As are all children, some take a little bit more time to find the confidence than others. Nothing wrong with that

PrettyPrim · 29/09/2022 20:23

Coyoacan · 29/09/2022 20:16

I was surprised that the wee lad didn't think to knock on a door and ask to borrow a phone to call his mum, but it turns that that hasn't occurred to any of the many posters here, so what am I missing?

That is THE LAST thing I'd be telling my kid to do!!

BatteryPoweredMammy · 29/09/2022 20:23

Your poor boy! Only 11 yrs old. He must have felt very scared as the time ticked on. I’d be livid too in your shoes.

Definitely speak to the school again and insist they review their systems for ensuring that the children leave on time and catch the right bus home. The head needs to acknowledge that they seriously fucked up. Don’t let them try to argue that your son was at fault because if they’d let him out on time, he’d have been able to choose the correct bus.

When you live rurally, if they miss the bus, you’re scuppered.

Mine also missed his bus home on his first day of secondary school because the teacher delayed the end of class and all the school busses had left by the time DS was let out. Apparently, they don’t hang around and it’s not uncommon for kids to miss the bus if the teacher doesn’t let them out on time.

DS also didn’t have his phone with him because he was convinced that it wasn’t allowed! Luckily, he was with his friend who did have his phone on him and the friend phoned me so I was able to drive there to collect him. Friend was attending an after school activity elsewhere but thankfully stopped to help DS get sorted before he attended his activity. Friend is very confident and forthright whereas DS is very quiet and unassuming. It’s all very well saying an 11yr old should know x, y and z and speak up, but mine is a rule follower and definitely wouldn’t argue with a grown up. It’s simply his personality type.

lannistunut · 29/09/2022 20:25

Coyoacan · 29/09/2022 20:16

I was surprised that the wee lad didn't think to knock on a door and ask to borrow a phone to call his mum, but it turns that that hasn't occurred to any of the many posters here, so what am I missing?

Shock kids get stranger danger drummed into them from an early age.

I alwasy told mine to go to the local dentist or a big shop on the route home, but not a random house.

ancientgran · 29/09/2022 20:25

QuebecBagnet · 29/09/2022 20:19

Must be a small school. At DD’s school they’d have 1000+ phones in the office!

Show quote history

I wonder if they'd all get the right phone.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 29/09/2022 20:25

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 20:19

My DD who is 12 would have done this. She is the opposite of my DS. Dc are all different. Brought up the same but different

Show quote history

This is exactly like me and my brother and my parents would swear blind they raised us the same when in reality me (younger) had to look after my brother because he was babied. I think alot of mums do this without realising. Obvs this was very scary for you OP and for your son but maybe think about how to make him a bit more confident / assertive.

ancientgran · 29/09/2022 20:26

LuckyLil · 29/09/2022 20:22

Rather than brushing it aside as his own fault, at the very least they should be open to learning from this to make sure it doesn't happen again. Perhaps having the teachers make sure they are putting children on the right coaches wouldn't be a big ask.

Putting numbers on the buses would seem like a good idea.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 20:29

ABBAsnumberonefan · 29/09/2022 20:25

This is exactly like me and my brother and my parents would swear blind they raised us the same when in reality me (younger) had to look after my brother because he was babied. I think alot of mums do this without realising. Obvs this was very scary for you OP and for your son but maybe think about how to make him a bit more confident / assertive.

Show quote history

My DS is the second oldest of 6 children. Just quiet and would never question a teacher.

OP posts:
Cornisharchitect8 · 29/09/2022 20:30

Flippin eck. Our local school coaches have an awful reputation dating back to the 90s (that's Cornwall for you!!)

I'd complain until they apologise. That's very very scary!!

We have shit buses too so if this happened in Cornwall your DC could have ended up in the middle of mining wilderness with no signal or anything. 😭

Iizzyb · 29/09/2022 20:30

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:19

I am very proud of my DC. He didn’t panic he sat at the last stop that the bus stopped at. He said he knew if he waited there I would find him. If he had wondered around god knows when we would have located Her

I got separated from my mum in the market when I was little and I did exactly the same - stayed where I was - I absolutely knew my mum would find me.

You should be so proud that your son did that and had the confidence that you would find him.

I was a school bus kid and ours did that when we were new to the school we l worried so much about missing the bus & literally no service buses to get us home.

You need to complain op xx

I'm now off to talk to ds about "what would you do if.... " scenarios

ancientgran · 29/09/2022 20:30

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 20:29

My DS is the second oldest of 6 children. Just quiet and would never question a teacher.

Show quote history

Did he realise the bus was going the wrong way? I'd have hoped mine would have asked one of his classmates if he could go with them to phone home, I assume none of them had their phones.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 29/09/2022 20:31

Also regarding getting the wrong bus…

My DS has no sense of direction and has no idea how to get from A to B. He’d never recognise that he wasn’t travelling on the right road. I’m still amazed that he realises when to get off except that he’s the last one on the bus and thankfully, Frank the driver, knows where he lives.

DH is just the same and doesn’t drive. Where we used to live we’d travel into the next town about 5 miles away every Saturday to do our food shopping and every week he’d comment “oh is this where we turn right/left”… He could never remember the route and it really wasn’t that complicated.

Until I met DH, I had no idea that there are people who could get lost in their own home!

Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 20:31

It’s not being ‘that mum’ if you point out their phone confiscation system doesn’t work for safety reasons. It’s madness to expect them all to queue for phones at the office when they are in a rush for bus. All it takes is late out of lesson or needing loo and they will be on bus no phone.
This boy sounds like he was very sensible staying put. Yes an older child probably would have said hang on this isn’t my stop to driver but I can easily see why he didn’t in blind panic.

capricorn12 · 29/09/2022 20:31

You and your son are definitely owed a massive apology by the school at the very least. I would not let that go and I would also make the suggestion that the buses are labelled in some way, I mean how hard can that be?

Nomorescreentime · 29/09/2022 20:33

I’d definitely take it up with the school as teachers shouldn’t be keeping them
late ever if there’s buses involved. However try not to let it upset you. He stayed in one place so you could get to him, and it will be an experience that has taught him something. He won’t get on the wrong bus again!

I agree with the others, you can now gently teach him some life skills in case something happens again. I was a very shy kid and would probably have done exactly the same as your DS at that age in that situation - I would have really benefited from somebody teaching me what to do when things went wrong, ahead of time!

Belladonnamama · 29/09/2022 20:33

Absolutely not OK. How awful for you and your son. Four hours on his own in a different village,anything could have happened. I would take this further.

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