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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU - restaurant choices.

165 replies

BeeRogue · 29/09/2022 12:02

I'm going to do that tedious A and B thing, sorry!

Person A has just had a baby and is dieting, she also has a dairy allergy. Person B asked Person A (and her children) to go out for lunch, and Person A agreed. Person B is having some financial difficulties. There was no discussion about which restaurant to go to.

Person B booked a restaurant where main meals cost £10-£15 and told Person A she's booked it. Person A doesn't like this option because all the options she can eat are over 1000 calories and aren't the type of food she likes. It's the opposite side of town from Person A's house and would require two buses to get to. Person B has suggested picking Person A up and that she could have a one-off treat.

Person A suggested a restaurant in town where main meals cost £12-£16. Person B doesn't like this because it's more expensive and there's no free parking. Person A has offered to pay for Person B and has said that Person B can park at her house (obviously for free).

Person B doesn't want to be paid for by Person A and thinks Person A is being unreasonable. Person A doesn't want to eat extra calories (especially for a meal that she won't enjoy) and thinks Person B is being unreasonable.

YABU - Go to the cheaper, higher calorie place.
YANBU - Go to the more expensive, healthier place.

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 29/09/2022 13:48

You've made me giggle OP. Needed that today.

My solution would be person B pops round with a tesco finest meal for 2 (and oven crap for any dc in the house). Cooks it at person A's house. Then you all go out for coffee and a cake (for person B only as A on diet) for dessert.

But otherwise I do think it makes more sense to do person A's choice, as its nearer, they havee the allergy and on the diet, person B can park for free. and theres like only £2 difference in the prices. And person A just agrees not to order the most expensive and calorific thing on the menu.

Eyerollrsi · 29/09/2022 13:48

Neither are being unreasonable to want to find somewhere that suits their needs. There are bound to be other options, they could cook together if they really can't find somewhere to eat out together.

dingbat56 · 29/09/2022 13:52

If they want to see each other they need to flex a bit .. if that’s not more important just go for coffee and a cake

BadNomad · 29/09/2022 13:54

I think it's horrible to treat B like a charity case because A doesn't want to leave food on her plate. That's humiliating. You need to find somewhere that is within B's budget.

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/09/2022 13:56

Person B gets the choice here and Person A is being unreasonable trying to manipulate the situation. Person A 's diet won't be harmed by one meal out.

purplecorkheart · 29/09/2022 13:59

Honesty at this stage I suggest person B makes up something simple like a tray bake and bring it to person's A house and pop it into the oven there Or else bring a nice salad or makings of nice sandwiches etc.

Appleblum · 29/09/2022 14:08

Can't you just go for lunch at the first restaurant and eat a smaller portion?

KosherDill · 29/09/2022 14:10

Both sounds like hard work.

Just meet for a walk or coffee. Socializing needn't involve food.

momtoboys · 29/09/2022 14:18

They both need to loosen up.

Derbee · 29/09/2022 14:25

Both sound too tiring to bother with. Person A is unreasonable dieting as soon as they’ve had a baby.

Person B is unreasonable for thinking that £2 per main meal is an expensive option vs a
cheap option.

HollyJollyXmas57 · 29/09/2022 14:31

Wouldn’t even bother. Too much effort

PanPacificBallroomChampion · 29/09/2022 14:31

Why is it someone always has to catch two buses?

AryaStarkWolf · 29/09/2022 14:32

I'd say Person B is being unreasonable, it's barely more expensive those prices (in fact mid range for both are the same price) and she can get free parking in A's house

Somethingsnappy · 29/09/2022 14:34

Pick a third option! Just find a place where you both like the food, and the price is right. Although is this option too good/simple to be true?

mondaytosunday · 29/09/2022 14:34

After agreeing a date, the next thing I discuss with friends is the venue. I wouldn't ever just book a place without consultation.
I find it hard to believe there's nothing on the menu less than 1000 calories, but maybe, and it wouldn't be much of a treat to go out and restrict yourself to a starter.
As the price difference is minor, I'd go to the more expensive restaurant. I wouldn't want my friend to pay for me either though, but feel if you can't afford the extra £2-6 the second choice would be, then you can't afford to go out for lunch at all.

MarianneOnAMotorcycle · 29/09/2022 15:00

Even McDonald's has salad on the menu!

I think both A and B are overly fixated on food and each one should go out on her own.

No-one is going to starve from having a half-size portion of lunch!

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/09/2022 15:44

Derbee · 29/09/2022 14:25

Both sound too tiring to bother with. Person A is unreasonable dieting as soon as they’ve had a baby.

Person B is unreasonable for thinking that £2 per main meal is an expensive option vs a
cheap option.

@Derbee

what’s unreasonable about her not wanting to eat 1000 calories or more in one setting

it’s hardly crash dieting to not want to do that

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/09/2022 15:44

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/09/2022 15:44

@Derbee

what’s unreasonable about her not wanting to eat 1000 calories or more in one setting

it’s hardly crash dieting to not want to do that

Show quote history

@Derbee

1000 cals in one sitting I meant

Derbee · 29/09/2022 16:16

@LuckySantangelo35 its unreasonable to be so fixated on dieting EVER (never mind right after having a baby!) that you are unable to go to a restaurant because the meals are ALL too high calorie for you. There’s no way that Person A is unable to go to a restaurant and be forced to eat 1000 calories.

It’s also only half of her recommended calories (less if she’s breastfeeding) so depending on what she has for breakfast and dinner, 1000 calories wouldn’t be massively outrageous anyway.

It’s unreasonable to be so hung up on calories that you are unable to go out for lunch with a friend when they invite you (and have chosen a restaurant)

OldTinHat · 29/09/2022 16:49

I'm a person A in that I'm dieting. Have a lot of weight to lose. I went to a restaurant last week such as person B suggested and just ate half the meal.

I did the same again today and brought the rest back in a doggy bag to have tomorrow.

I still lost weight when I was weighed in last week so would that work for person A?

PS. I never go out to eat normally!

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/09/2022 17:47

Derbee · 29/09/2022 16:16

@LuckySantangelo35 its unreasonable to be so fixated on dieting EVER (never mind right after having a baby!) that you are unable to go to a restaurant because the meals are ALL too high calorie for you. There’s no way that Person A is unable to go to a restaurant and be forced to eat 1000 calories.

It’s also only half of her recommended calories (less if she’s breastfeeding) so depending on what she has for breakfast and dinner, 1000 calories wouldn’t be massively outrageous anyway.

It’s unreasonable to be so hung up on calories that you are unable to go out for lunch with a friend when they invite you (and have chosen a restaurant)

@Derbee

lots of women don’t need 2000 cals a day actually. If they’re v active they might but most of us don’t

same way many men don’t need 2500 cals

these guidelines are now thought to be outdated

Derbee · 29/09/2022 19:05

@LuckySantangelo35 you can argue semantics, but if you think it’s ok to not go to a restaurant because you can’t just order/eat appropriately then you ALSO have food issues.

ZiriForEver · 30/09/2022 01:57

Derbee · 29/09/2022 19:05

@LuckySantangelo35 you can argue semantics, but if you think it’s ok to not go to a restaurant because you can’t just order/eat appropriately then you ALSO have food issues.

It is ok to prefer better food without a long journey even without throwing a baby into the mix.

Ticksallboxes · 30/09/2022 02:28

I think you'd be better off just meeting for coffee. The drama involved in this is off the scale!

Tilllly · 02/10/2022 19:00

Find a Wetherspoons…