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Who is BU - restaurant choices.

165 replies

BeeRogue · 29/09/2022 12:02

I'm going to do that tedious A and B thing, sorry!

Person A has just had a baby and is dieting, she also has a dairy allergy. Person B asked Person A (and her children) to go out for lunch, and Person A agreed. Person B is having some financial difficulties. There was no discussion about which restaurant to go to.

Person B booked a restaurant where main meals cost £10-£15 and told Person A she's booked it. Person A doesn't like this option because all the options she can eat are over 1000 calories and aren't the type of food she likes. It's the opposite side of town from Person A's house and would require two buses to get to. Person B has suggested picking Person A up and that she could have a one-off treat.

Person A suggested a restaurant in town where main meals cost £12-£16. Person B doesn't like this because it's more expensive and there's no free parking. Person A has offered to pay for Person B and has said that Person B can park at her house (obviously for free).

Person B doesn't want to be paid for by Person A and thinks Person A is being unreasonable. Person A doesn't want to eat extra calories (especially for a meal that she won't enjoy) and thinks Person B is being unreasonable.

YABU - Go to the cheaper, higher calorie place.
YANBU - Go to the more expensive, healthier place.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

MrsMitford3 · 29/09/2022 12:51

Am assuming you are sisters.

This is getting very silly.

One pick this time and the other pick the next time?

Although even reading thread exhausting-no idea how you ever decide anything


lovelypidgeon · 29/09/2022 12:51

Could you person A suggest lunch at person A's house? That way she can choose something acceptable to her diet and B's tastes (even if that means making a sort of mini buffet). This is more likely to be acceptable to B than someone else paying their way but A can have total control of what she eats.


properdoughnut · 29/09/2022 12:52

B should let A pay for the parking and be done with it. Unless really B doesn't like A's choice at all.

Is there nowhere else you could go?


candycaneframe · 29/09/2022 12:54

Both seem insufferable


properdoughnut · 29/09/2022 12:55

Or A could just half the meal at B's choice?


BeeRogue · 29/09/2022 12:56

tharsheblows · 29/09/2022 12:45

I love this! I think it's a fine way to be and you clearly like each other at least a little bit 😊

Here's what I'd do: go with Person A's suggestion with the understanding that Person B gets to say ONCE "but last time we did what you wanted" and that Person A might say "this is not at all the same thing" in which case, Person B can narrow their eyes and think "I never should have agreed to that".

But seriously, I'd go with Person A's suggestion and maybe let Person B pay them back a bit one way or another if that helps Person B agree to the plan!

We may well take this advice - it feels like you get us.

OP posts:

properdoughnut · 29/09/2022 12:56

(B would like to add that A is thinner than her and doesn't need to diet and A would like to add that B has more money than her) A is free to diet if she wishes.


misspositivepants · 29/09/2022 12:56

Sounds like too much work and they should take a packed lunch somewhere


user1487194234 · 29/09/2022 12:57

Try and agree a compromise


Deadringer · 29/09/2022 12:58

Person B invited person A out, and then booked a specific restaurant. She kindly offered to pick A up as its not convenient to where A lives. Person A should either accept or decline the invitation, rather than try to change the arrangements.


TheOrigRights · 29/09/2022 12:59

Person A doesn't like this option because all the options she can eat are over 1000 calories

Can you tell Person A that they don't actually have to eat everything on their plate? This is such a strange reason.


Aprilx · 29/09/2022 12:59

They both sound insufferable and I don’t know why they are even thinking about going for lunch together.


10HailMarys · 29/09/2022 12:59

BeeRogue · 29/09/2022 12:06

I would be happy with going for a drink but the other person is insisting on lunch - they don't live near each other and don't see each other regularly. They're also relatives, not friends so the dynamic is bit trickier.

If you've both decided to take to Mumsnet to settle the argument and are sitting by the screen monitoring replies, the dynamic doesn't sound that tricky to be honest. <br />
Anyway. I'd say that Person B is the one being unreasonable because she is unwilling to pay an extra £2 for a meal, but at the same time also refuses to let Person A pay. I don't have massive sympathy for the calories thing - it's one meal, ffs - but Person A also doesn't actually like the food there and has a dairy allergy that limits her choices. So if Person A is happy to pay, Person B needs to stop being weird about it.


Movinghouseatlast · 29/09/2022 12:59

Christ. Both as bad as each other.

I wouldn't bother.


Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 29/09/2022 13:04

Good grief, at a time when people are choosing to heat or eat, worrying about massive mortgage rate increases, to live in a world where this is your biggest worry/be able to give something so pointless so much time!


Buggersticks · 29/09/2022 13:06

Could have just given them fake names rather than the person a/b thing. As for the 'conundrum' I think they should cancel altogether, sounds like hard work if neither of these friends are prepared to compromise. 😩


BarbaraofSeville · 29/09/2022 13:08

As a one off, a more calorific meal makes no difference whatsoever to a diet. A needs to view her diet as a lifestyle change and mostly eat well, but allow some flexibility for special occasions.

She could also ask for food to be served without cheese (for example) to accommodate her dairy allergy. What sort of restaurant is it and how is there so little that she can eat and will enjoy. Surely most restaurants serve a range of dishes to suit most tastes? Is A very fussy?


SeaToSki · 29/09/2022 13:08

Picnic in the park, everyone can bring what they want to eat, dc will have more fun and cost is not an issue. If you want to make it more special, go halves in entry fees and petrol and drive off to a farm park or NT site with your picnic


NotQuiteHere · 29/09/2022 13:11

Do both, it will annoy both A and B as it seems that is what you are looking for.


LuckySantangelo35 · 29/09/2022 13:12

MarianneOnAMotorcycle · 29/09/2022 12:09

Both are being unreasonable. Lunches with friends are supposed to be about seeing the other person, not about the food!

If you are Person A, go to the cheap restaurant and just eat half the portion (a.k.a. "The Dolly Parton Diet"). Surely you can find something you like even it it's just a portion of chips!
And your kids can gobble up the rest so there's no wastage.

If you are Person B, go to the expensive restaurant and just order a starter, or allow your friend to pay for the meal.

are the kids going?


Moveoverdarlin · 29/09/2022 13:12

God, imagine actually living like this. One meal won’t hurt a diet. And saying that one restaurant is 10-15 and the other is 12-16 - that’s the same flipping price!!!! All this faff about lifts and buses because one restaurant has a main course that’s one pound more expensive than the most expensive main at the other place? Girls, we’re going to be paying 4 grand a year to have the central heating on, Go and spend a pound on the nicer place! Eat the sticky toffee pudding, have a few drinks. But most of all ENJOY it.


urgen · 29/09/2022 13:12

Some people just have too much time on their hands.

I cannot believe a restaurant doesnt have things under 1000 calories! Surely they dont need to hoover up everything on their plates? Swap chips for more veg or a starter and maybe a small pudding.

It really shouldnt be this difficult. What are you like with important decisions?>?


starfishmummy · 29/09/2022 13:12

Sounds like neither you nor your mother in law are prepared to compromise.


LuckySantangelo35 · 29/09/2022 13:16


why should she be?


Explaintome · 29/09/2022 13:17

I'd go to the organiser's choice, especially if she was offering lifts. Or not go at all if it's that much trouble.

For me lunch out is more about the people it's shared with anyway, I'm not that bothered about the food.

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