To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

[Explaintome]

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

I agree. We should absolve everyone of shitty behaviour because you never know, they may be having a hard life themselves.

Understandable OP.

Don't pay an ounce of attention to the posters trying to put the boot in🙄.
It's AIBU!

Many people would react similarly, privately, if they came across their school bully.

Fortunately I wasn't bullied, but if I had, I certainly wouldn't feel the slightest bit inclined or obligated to engag with them, whatever the circumstances.

Completely your choice to be polite and move on.

Well done for pushing yourself so hard and successfully getting to where you want to be.

Enjoy your hard earned success.

@ChezFelix

I for one, can see exactly what you mean. And I think you hit the nail on the head about the OP being happy just to have come as far as she has.

Thanks 🙂

I really don't get any of the posters saying YABU. Firstly I don't believe they understand the huge and ongoing effect that being severely bullied can have on someone.

Regardless of that - you are not being rude to her, shunning her, encouraging others to be exclude her, or behaving negatively towards her in any way. The absolute most that could possibly be said was that you could perhaps make slightly more of an effort to include her. However there is nothing to say she even wants this, plus there are presumably 100s of people at the parkrun - it's not your sole job to go above and beyond in welcoming every single one of them!

Even if she was just someone who you knew in school, your behaviour towards her would be completely fine and normal. For someone who actively made your life a misery, to me, it's exemplary!

No you're definitely not awful! Good for you for doing well, school feels like yesterday to me and I'm 40 so I could imagine if you were bullied it could still feel quite fresh even after decades. I think as long as you're polite then that's enough, but I certainly wouldn't make any effort and it's OK to feel a bit smug.

i don’t understand how you think you’ve done better than her? Because you run in a club your more successful than her? Sounds a bit pathetic and childish tbh.

but congrats on being able to run faster than someone just starting out?!

Congrats on posting just to be unpleasant.

I've never said I've done better than her. I've said I've no idea how well she's done. I just think I've done better than expected after that way she broke me.

OP, from one club runner to another - you know that your post isn't in the spirit of parkrun, where the only race is with oneself.

Bit different if you'd both been training for the same HM but yes, given the context, you do sound a bit bitter and strange.

Lots of typos in your OP but I think you're saying in parkrun terms she's "not thriving". Come on. That attitude is not in the spirit of parkrun and you know it.

So yes, YABU.

Your entire thread is posting to be unpleasant. You’re taking pleasure in “being better” than someone who bullied you, when they were a kid over 30 years ago.

Your smugness on being able to run faster than a newbie is quite frankly, really silly and embarrassing.

Your not “really awful” but you are quite childish.

I'm not. I'm taking pleasure in being better than she would have expected me to be and as I said, it's not about the running. It could be anything. The fact that I get out and do anything/ talk to anyone at all is huge compared to where she left me.

OP please ignore the posters that either don’t get it or are trying to goad you.

Most people who have any life experience understand you and are happy for you.

You run fast than she does.

You have a professional job.

You could be single and she could be feeling smug going home to a long term partner.

Maybe her house is bigger than yours.

Maybe she has more money in the bank than you.

None of it matters.

Honestly.

Try to focus on what makes you happy not on what you have got that others don't, and vice versa.

I can only assume you were never bullied. When something awful happens to us in our teenage years, I'm not sure we ever 'get over it'. It stays with us, and shapes the adults we become.

I'm pleased for you OP.

What exactly have I done that's not in the spirit?

I didn't say you had done anything.

I'm talking about your post. Your attitude.

It's not in the spirit of parkrun at all, and I know some elite runners. Nobody ever, ever speaks like this about fellow parkrunners, it's just not part of the ethos.

It's a shame for you, that it's turned out like this, really.

You may think the OP is unpleasant, but she's not actually directing any unpleasantness at her former bully in real life, despite having been genuinely poorly treated by her. You, on the other hand...

I never "speak" like this either.

I think I'm getting reet sick of seeing posters shout "humble-brag!" when it's not.

I'm seeing this chirrupy little put down more and more for when women (usually) talk about their success or achievements.

Posting about your toddler drawing on the wall, while irrelevantly adding that your house is worth £900,000 and many, many people admire it, every day? That's a humble brag. Not someone saying positive things about themselves.

I wish I get this in the near future with those who bullied me in school, YANBU

Genuine question. Is parkrun very competitive? I never realised it was a race against other runners. I always assumed it was just people running together.

Not unpleasant. I never said that - if you read my posts you would see that I just think it’s a bit silly to be proud of being able to run faster than someone else who has just started out, when you’ve been running for years. Then to make a thread essentially making fun of this woman for being slow and lapping her.

”you on the other hand…” lol. Is the irony lost on you? Criticising people for being “unpleasant” whilst being unpleasant.

No it's not competitive at all, it's all very friendly and supportive. This person has no idea I'm pleased to pass her and all I've ever done IRL is say well done when she finishes.

I'm not sure why so many people are being all defensive on her behalf. I've literally done nothing except say hello and well done.