To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

[Explaintome]

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

How do you feel she is making fun of her? She’s focused totally on her own feelings about herself. Because she lapped her? OP puts that into context of herself growing up afraid of doing anything and now having the confidence to succeed at something that previously made her anxious.

You’ve done really well OP and it’s nice to see life in all its swings and roundabouts when it comes to people from early life.

Ignore the filthy remarks. They’re definitely slow runners.

I would be the first to admit I am both childish and petty.
My high school bully and ex best friend was mean about my weight, excluded me and made my life a misery for a time and it brings me great pleasure that she is immensely fat now.
You are not awful, you are healing

OP said “I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week”

It just sounds very mean and smug. Especially in the context of the bullying history and the fact OP has been doing this a lot longer than this other woman who has just started. It’s not a fair comparison.

Perhaps I’m too focused on the running part of it though….

Op, I have no idea why some are giving you a hard time. It’s perfectly understandable that you are proud of who you’ve become, despite this woman’s attempt to undermine you and make your life miserable in your youth. You enjoy that feeling. You deserve it. You aren’t outwardly making an issue of it, but by gum I’d be delighted for her to see my success and imagine her thoughts.

The OP isn't making fun of anyone. She's not destroying the spirit of parkrun. She's just, in the privacy of her own head, enjoying that someone who made her feel worthless could now be seeing that they were wrong.. It's the equivalent to bumping into your ex when you're looking fabulous and have your much hotter new partner in tow.

Really? 😆

What I actually said was "I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week, as I remembered the jeering at our 4th year sports day."

Somewhat different when the whole quote is used.

OP said “I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week”

What was she meant to do, slow down deliberately?

OP your feelings are your feelings and you're perfectly entitled to them, it's not like you're actually acting on them.

I was badly bullied at school for being fat. I sometimes look on their Facebook pages and take great pleasure in seeing that they are now fat.

I think you’re just human OP.

It's up to you, of course.

For me, when I think the of the children that bullied me, I can only see them as children. As an adult, I am beyond their reach. Their adult selves are not the children that bullied me and so, too, they are beyond my reach. It's really over and there's no way to change any of it. It's finished.

The woman at your Park Run is not actually your bully, and you are not her victim. Those selves are long gone. It's all over and has been for years. I advise you to let yourself let it go.

No, it isn't at all, and I really hope the OP hasn't put people who see this thread off taking part.

YANBU, I get it & I'd feel the same in your shoes.

Not sure why some PP are saying YABU when you've clearly said you have no idea how great her life is/how well she's doing, you're not being malicious in anyway - just that you can now literally run rings round her when she'd belittled you for your lack of sporting ability years ago and can quietly smile to yourself about it! Good on you.

YANBU ignore the keyboard warriors

This!!

She meant because of her past fears, not because she is some odd ball adult who likes outrunning other amateur runners who are newer to the hobby.

This is only about the OP and how she feels about herself, not about trying to make anyone else feel bad about themselves. Not comparing herself at all to anyone else.

But you said yourself that running means nothing. So what’s the big deal either way? Is it mean and smug if I tell you that I like beating my friends at board games? I do! It doesn’t happen often enough, actually. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t cause them to lose any sleep when it happens.

No offence OP but she probably doesn’t give you a moments thought or care if you’re a fast runner or have friends. Why would she?

That’s just silly!

I’m sorry you were bullied OP. But I don’t think it’s fair comparing your running abilities to hers, when she’s just starting out and you been doing it a long time.

i think you know YABU - if not you would have given your thread another title.

I'm always happy to see people I grew up with thriving. I would definitely notice how the OP seemed to be doing. But then I was not a bully. Hard to say how those turn out. Some grow and regret their behavior, some never do and don’t care about anyone else.

Being in the top 5 when you must be in your 40s is seriously impressive!!
and I’ve been lapped and everyone is lovely
I get it OP 💪

YANBU to feel some satisfaction at how your life has turned out and how that compares to the ex-school bully’s life (or what you see of her life via Parkrun), and I’m glad you’re enjoying life now and feeling more confident and happy.

Having said that, I think it would help if you focused on the present/future and on positive things rather than still focusing a lot on the past.

Do you think it might be helpful to have counselling so can look more to the future or present rather than the past?

i appreciate this has 10 or 11 pages of responses before I chime in and I've not read them all but I want to ask if you, as a top 5 female finisher, ever volunteer for your local parkrun?

If so, fantastic - genuine from a PR Director - but if not, maybe consider cheering her on from a marshal point once. 30 years is a long time and situations change. I have horrible memories from high school bullying but have "made friends" with these people via facebook. Very regularly, they are the first to "like" a humble-brag status or congratulate me on a personal achievement so this might also be their own atonement.

Time is a great healer. But you have to work out your own path too.

There’s some really holier than thou people on this thread. I unashamedly love it when bad things happen to people who’ve been horrid to me si you’re a better person than me in that you said hello to her. I wouldn’t have even done that. And be smug! There’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself and what you've achieved in life.

You know what they say, OP, a life well lived is the best revenge. Keep on living well!

OP, you have my blessing to dine on it. Savour the schadenfreude.

Well done for overcoming the bullying and succeeding despite it all. She can literally eat your dust.