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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

280 replies

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 18:48

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

OP posts:
Tillsforthrills · 28/09/2022 21:34

Itsacafe · 28/09/2022 19:11

Good for you OP.

I'm amazed you both still live where you went to school though and you see people around and remember them. Very unusual.

Not unusual in certain areas.

You’d certainly remember someone who made your life hell as a teenager.

If you’re accusing the OP of lying just come our and say it instead of this is irritating ‘observation’.

PaperLanterns · 28/09/2022 21:34

You’re prob putting way more thought into her than she wastes on you, OP. I don’t hang around after Parkrun because I usually have plans afterwards with my family and friends

School was a long time ago. Time to get over it and concentrate on all your present successes.

MyLovelyPen · 28/09/2022 21:34

Why do we always have to go for the narrative that bullies have difficult home lives?! Some of them are just fucking horrible people - I know my bully was.

OP, don’t feel bad. Bullying has life long effects and if you can feel a little smug at your achievement then go for it. She spent enough time making u feel like shit 🤷‍♀️.

Talkingtocamels · 28/09/2022 21:34

@Explaintome . I don’t think you are awful at all. We live in a village with someone I went to school with. She was several years older than me, and probably doesn’t remember he at all, but she was a complete bitch at school. I’ve subsequently met several people closer in age to get and they all think she was horrible to. I had cause to interact with her on a professional level not that long ago. She didn’t know who I was and behaved in the entitled superior fashion that she did at school. So absolutely don’t think she has changed.

Original poster
Explaintome · 28/09/2022 21:34

JenniferBarkley · 28/09/2022 21:32

Years ago. You put yourself out years ago. Of course you're a faster runner, you've been doing it longer.

Like I say, I'm not above a bit of schadenfreude at all, but this is something so inconsequential that she probably doesn't think about from one end of the week to the next.

Show quote history

That's fine. I don't particularly want her to think about it . I enjoy knowing I've done it despite her.

OP posts:
JanesBond · 28/09/2022 21:36

I was gutted to think the cowbag who called me an ‘ugly bitch’ looks amazing at 50 and lives in a massive house

🤣 That’s very honest!

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:37

@JenniferBarkley

Yes, I've been saying this. But then it is apparently not really to do with the other woman at all. (I did actually ask that a few pages back "being faster than the other woman thing is just a red herring then?", but that was ignored and then just a lot of rage at me for being faux confused 🤷‍♀️). Oh well, I've had worse.

My question / confusion which caused some other posters a lot of anger was really; is "the win" being faster than the other woman, op's life being better than the other woman, or neither; is it that op is just comparing herself to her former self and realising how she is not scared of someone she was once tormented by? In which case the other woman and her lack of running skills is a red herring. Which one are you all going mad and cheering about? The latter sounds like the nicest option and I'd like to think thats it, but then the drug addict story and the trip her up type comments started and that was all considered fine by the noisiest ones who took massive issue with my posts.

A lot of absolute certainty and cheerleading by a number of posters on here made me think someone would have a firm enough opinion to answer that, but they just called me stupid and a moron instead. I have to laugh really 😂

Again, I haven't attacked anyone on here ans I haven't said op is a disgrace or anything like it. It's actually been a really interesting thread in a really weird way for me in the way it kicked off at me for questioning people's logic.

Anyway, excuse the derail, but tbf, that started when people decided to attack me. I won't derail again (unless they decide to attack me again).

I am now thinking that what you meant was you feel so much better around the bully than when you were children and that is why you're celebrating. I imagine that even if she was an Olympic marathon runner you would still feel great because of how far you've come.

Dunnoburt · 28/09/2022 21:39

I'd be exactly the same as you..... but sad thing is she probably has zero idea how much impact she had all those years ago.... Well done on the running 💪

Libre2 · 28/09/2022 21:39

JenniferBarkley · 28/09/2022 21:32

Years ago. You put yourself out years ago. Of course you're a faster runner, you've been doing it longer.

Like I say, I'm not above a bit of schadenfreude at all, but this is something so inconsequential that she probably doesn't think about from one end of the week to the next.

Show quote history

I have to argue this point - I have been running for decades - nearly three to be precise and I have never managed top 5 in my age range. I trained my arse off for a half marathon to do a sub-2 (which is not particularly fast!) and managed it with 27 seconds to spare. A lot of people run for fun not for speed but I am always in awe of those who are fast. That’s you OP.

There are quite a lot of unpleasant people on here tonight who seem to be deliberately, or stupidly, misunderstanding the OP. I totally get that she is happy to be in a much better place than she ever believed she could be because of the bullying. It’s not a complicated concept.

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:43

Libre2 · 28/09/2022 21:39

I have to argue this point - I have been running for decades - nearly three to be precise and I have never managed top 5 in my age range. I trained my arse off for a half marathon to do a sub-2 (which is not particularly fast!) and managed it with 27 seconds to spare. A lot of people run for fun not for speed but I am always in awe of those who are fast. That’s you OP.

There are quite a lot of unpleasant people on here tonight who seem to be deliberately, or stupidly, misunderstanding the OP. I totally get that she is happy to be in a much better place than she ever believed she could be because of the bullying. It’s not a complicated concept.

Show quote history

Another one calling me stupid 🙄🤣. Honestly.

I'm genuinely interested in the logic as the almost unanimous cheering surprised me. That's not a difficult concept to understand 😉

Original poster
Explaintome · 28/09/2022 21:45

Libre2 · 28/09/2022 21:39

I have to argue this point - I have been running for decades - nearly three to be precise and I have never managed top 5 in my age range. I trained my arse off for a half marathon to do a sub-2 (which is not particularly fast!) and managed it with 27 seconds to spare. A lot of people run for fun not for speed but I am always in awe of those who are fast. That’s you OP.

There are quite a lot of unpleasant people on here tonight who seem to be deliberately, or stupidly, misunderstanding the OP. I totally get that she is happy to be in a much better place than she ever believed she could be because of the bullying. It’s not a complicated concept.

Show quote history

I didn't even notice that 😆 Yes I am much better than just having done it for a few years would make me.

I've trained seriously and hard for this and it's given me a whole new life, but getting out there and doing it to begin with was hard (even if it was a while ago) and it was particularly hard for me because of the aay any social confidence I might have had had been destroyed.

But this is not really about the running, it could be a knitting circle or a gardening club. I've found my people and my talent and I never thought either of those things would happen.

OP posts:
noomchikka · 28/09/2022 21:46

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 21:34

That's fine. I don't particularly want her to think about it . I enjoy knowing I've done it despite her.

Show quote history

That's not what you said in your OP, though, so you need to consider that you're getting responses based on you saying things like this:

"I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving."

Libre2 · 28/09/2022 21:46

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:43

Another one calling me stupid 🙄🤣. Honestly.

I'm genuinely interested in the logic as the almost unanimous cheering surprised me. That's not a difficult concept to understand 😉

Show quote history

Didn’t call you stupid but take what you will from my post. The logic has been explained several times by several different people. I’m sorry if you can’t, or won’t, understand it.

Ofcourseshecan · 28/09/2022 21:47

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 21:19

Exactly what have I done that's disgraceful?

Apart from a few thoughts, I haven't done anything at all other than be politely pleasant.

Show quote history

That's a real AIBU thing, though, isn't it? A harmless observation starting a thread gets jumped on, thrown from one PP to another getting more inflammatory every time, and ends up being 'gloating', irritating', 'disgraceful', 'mean', 'petty', 'bitter', 'desperate', 'pathetic' ...

There's a bottomless well of resentment in AIBU: if you could tap it to heat a building, we could close down the fossil fuel industry.

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:47

Libre2 · 28/09/2022 21:46

Didn’t call you stupid but take what you will from my post. The logic has been explained several times by several different people. I’m sorry if you can’t, or won’t, understand it.

Show quote history

Oh I do understand it now! My previous post was me summarising for the other poster who was making the very grave error of sounding a bit like it did.

Hope that clarifies so you won't have to infer I'm stupid again (twice is plenty)

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:48

*I did

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:50

Ofcourseshecan · 28/09/2022 21:47

That's a real AIBU thing, though, isn't it? A harmless observation starting a thread gets jumped on, thrown from one PP to another getting more inflammatory every time, and ends up being 'gloating', irritating', 'disgraceful', 'mean', 'petty', 'bitter', 'desperate', 'pathetic' ...

There's a bottomless well of resentment in AIBU: if you could tap it to heat a building, we could close down the fossil fuel industry.

Show quote history

Strongly agree. I would never have used any of those words about op (and haven't) and yet, I've had some pretty nasty posts directed at me in her defence. Quite strange really

5128gap · 28/09/2022 21:50

Tillsforthrills · 28/09/2022 21:34

Not unusual in certain areas.

You’d certainly remember someone who made your life hell as a teenager.

If you’re accusing the OP of lying just come our and say it instead of this is irritating ‘observation’.

Show quote history

Certainly not unusual where I live, in the Hotel California of small towns. (Though to be fair, no one ever really checks in either.)

Cam22 · 28/09/2022 21:51

Good for you. Karma has caught up with the nasty bully! You have a right to be pleased / to say the least.

👍🏻

Mangogogogo · 28/09/2022 21:52

Itsacafe · 28/09/2022 19:11

Good for you OP.

I'm amazed you both still live where you went to school though and you see people around and remember them. Very unusual.

Are you northern op? I can’t even go to asda without seeing someone I went to school with! It’s a proper north thing we pretty much stay where we were put 😂

anyway, I get you. On paper I’m more successful than the bitches from school but actually I’ve made friends with some of them and they’re actually lovely now. Sometimes the best thing is to let go! (But I understand the satisfaction)

one of the girls I went to school with who was lovely at school turned into a right cunt in adulthood, so I guess we all change

Tickledtrout · 28/09/2022 21:52

Best revenge is a life well lived OP.
And as for parkrun...You're not being mean to her. You're polite and simply doing what you do. Just better and faster than her😉

Fullsomefrenchie · 28/09/2022 21:56

I am still struggling with this and find it hard reading. You come across as smug, look at me, look at me, whilst proclaiming your self esteem was shot, which I believe.

the discomfort I have is if your self esteem was restored you’d not give a shit about what she thought. You’d look at her and wonder what was wrong in her home life , what she was going through as a child, that may have made her behave like that. But you’re not. You care deeply about her thoughts on you, but you will know she likely barely remembers you. When your self esteem is restored you won’t care so very much about her.

Original poster
Explaintome · 28/09/2022 21:58

Fullsomefrenchie · 28/09/2022 21:56

I am still struggling with this and find it hard reading. You come across as smug, look at me, look at me, whilst proclaiming your self esteem was shot, which I believe.

the discomfort I have is if your self esteem was restored you’d not give a shit about what she thought. You’d look at her and wonder what was wrong in her home life , what she was going through as a child, that may have made her behave like that. But you’re not. You care deeply about her thoughts on you, but you will know she likely barely remembers you. When your self esteem is restored you won’t care so very much about her.

I daresay that's all true and I don't think for a minute all the damage she did is fixed.

OP posts:
Travellingwomble · 28/09/2022 21:59

I have back from whence I came, going to the shops is like a school reunion.

WetLettuce2 · 28/09/2022 22:00

Thrash her, then thrash her again and take a picture. Then stick it all over sm.

enjoy 😉