To wonder why IVF is often referred to as 'gruelling'

[daysayso]

This post isn't to undermine anyone who thinks it's tough but I'm asking because I am considering it in the coming months and despite doing research I can't see what makes it so tough?

Im not saying it isn't tough btw but genuinely wanting to know what makes it so hard?

Im not talking about the emotional aspect of it and the possibility of it not working as I know about that but the logistics of it - is it painful? Ignoring the emotional aspect what makes it so hard?

Thanks in advanced

[Sunbird24]

After 2.5yrs, countless injections, tablets and pessaries, the sedation wearing off during my egg collection, 5 embryo transfers, 4 miscarriages, 2 severe haemorrhages, 3 surgeries and approximately £18.000 spent, I’m finally preparing for the transfer of my last remaining embryo (that’ll be another £2k plus…) with very little hope I’ll end this journey with a child in my arms.

Do I regret any of it? No, because at least I’ll always know I tried everything I could. It has been bloody hard though.

[XjustagirlX]

@candycaneframe

@Gensola

The irony calling out the op for lack of empathy

IVF isn't hard for some people, so I can understand why the OP is wondering about the process and looking for real life comments around whether it's gruelling

Also you don't need to be dramatic, 'you get embryos, you then have a painful and embarrassing embryo transfer process where a dry speculum is forced up your vagina, and a nurse presses down on your full bladder to give the Doctor a sight of your womb' this is definitely not normal, I'm sorry if you went through this but to claim it's part of the process is not accurate.

This is completely my experience too. My first embryo transfer was so painful. The consultant had to be called in to assist. All of the people in the room said I needed to be sedated for future transfers.

i too have a tilted uterus.

[Howdoyounotgiveup]

@Decaffe Seems so and what a horrible thing to do on such a sensitive post

[Anycrispsleft]

One of the things that is quite hard is that if it does work, you go straight from the drugs to pregnancy (often with side effects like OHSS) to childbirth to having a baby with obviously no respite in between. It's a bit knackering to say the least! I would say the worst bits of the IVF itself, physically, were headaches during the downregulation, the egg collection that left me feeling bruised and unable to walk very far for a day or two afterwards, and absolutely excruciating abdominal pain after the embryo transfer. It is still a walk in the park compared to looking after an actual baby (IME anyway).

[spinduffy]

In Northern Ireland nhs cycles there is no sedation or anaesthesia for egg collection. You can have gas and air!!!! Bloody horrendous.

I’ve had several transfers. One was horrifically painful and the rest were very straightforward and largely painless. No idea why that one hurt so much.

[OhFFS!]

We had two failed attempts at IVF. We were then told it would never work for us. The feeling of relief when we walked out of the hospital was amazing. For me it was mentally gruelling.

[NCFT0922]

@IhateHermioneGranger to be honest, I think they probably have. She seems to have the mindset of “just one more try as this will be the one” and it’s devastating to watch. Nobody can gently suggest it’s time to stop, nobody can try to even discuss it. Everything gets shut down as the next time will be the one.

[DomesticBlisters]

We've used 3 different clinics, two NHS and one private and none put you under for collection.

[Sunbird24]

It must depend on the clinic - I had my egg collection with Care and they definitely sedate you. Transfers have always been simple and painless for me too, nobody has ever pressed on my bladder

[Snugglemonkey]

I am currently pregnant with my second child. Both IVF pregnancies. I have spent 10 years TTC, an awful lot of money, but the emotional investment has been massive. We spent 4 years trying ourselves and then the rest having IVF. The cycles merge in my head and I have to think closely to remember individual rounds, but the standout to me is definitely the overwhelming loss. Every embryo felt like a baby,then getting the bfp, but still more loss. That and the never ending waiting. I never think of the total as the money bit would make me feel ill.

It was very hard. Our second round resulted in my son, but trying for a sibling has brought me to the edge several times. We have considered stopping, but I just couldn't. This time we really are coming to the end of what we can afford, but it had not been successful, I don't know what would have happened, if I could have stopped.

I found it got harder over time, physically as well as mentally. Especially as our chances went down. There is nothing else I would consider gambling so much money on for a 2% chance. I still find it hard to believe we are actually having a baby, despite feeling the kicks. So right now I am still waiting for everything to be ok, I will be until I am holding this baby. I am also thankful, I appreciate that we are so lucky and so, yes it is worth it in my eyes. It is the reason I am a mummy. I cannot imagine the devastation of going through it all and being in the alternative position. Thinking of all you ladies for whom it is a reality 💐

[VanityCalling]

I've had IVF many times over an 18 year period (big gap in the middle). I think it's 4 cycles where I produced eggs and a further 8 frozen embryo transfers where I still had to take drugs but not to the same extent.

Personally, I didn't find it particularly hard physically but you can't know how you'll react to the meds and there are some scary potential complications. I agree with PP that the emotional side can take more of a toll unless you are lucky enough to be successful first time.

[FrangipaniBlue]

I've personally not had it but one of my team went through it, twice.

The effects of the drugs on her were debilitating.

She was in pain after most sessions.

But kept telling herself it would be worth it in the end.

It didn't work.

Can you really not see how that would be "gruelling"?

[Brieandcamembert]

But I think I have a form of PTSD from the years of trying to find him.

I had therapy and it was suggested I had PTSD from the years of IVF too. IVF never did work for me. I was at peace with that ultimately but it was the tears of being in the thick of it that were worse than eventually realising we had to stop.

It's indescribable unless you have done it how emotionally ruinous it is. It very nearly broke me and arguably did for a while.

I am in a whole different place now and very happy. I can look back and be pleased I tried as hard as I did to be at peace with it but also I'm a different person on this side of it.

[Gensola]

@candycaneframe if no one pressed on your full bladder then you haven’t had an embryo transfer. Having a full bladder and using the full bladder to image the womb is an essential part of the process.

[Sunbird24]

@Gensola

@candycaneframe if no one pressed on your full bladder then you haven’t had an embryo transfer. Having a full bladder and using the full bladder to image the womb is an essential part of the process.

I’ve had 7 embryos transferred and at no point did anyone have to press on my bladder. Every single one of them went exactly where they were supposed to go, 5 of them implanted.
We’ve all gone through this crap, please don’t reduce other people’s experiences just because they weren’t the same as yours.

[Hotandbothereds]

@Gensola

@candycaneframe if no one pressed on your full bladder then you haven’t had an embryo transfer. Having a full bladder and using the full bladder to image the womb is an essential part of the process.

To be fair I remember needing to have a full bladder but not in particular anyone pressing on it, and I’ve had two rounds of ivf.

But then I’d forgotten about the pessaries until someone up thread mentioned them.

I think it’s all so stressful and so much happens that people block things out or it all merges into one and things get forgotten.

[Mrbay]

I've had 3 cycles and 5 transfers. It took 3 years to get our daughter plus I had to have 2 ops on my uterus to allow the IVF to work, one was a major op.

The drugs left me feeling suicidal.

Each friends' pregnancy left me feeling like shit.

I've put on 3 stone during ivf and pregnancy.

The pressure was on me to get pregnant as the issues with my husband were rectified in the lab.

You get obsessed about what you can do to improve your chances.

I spent my pregnancy worrying that I'd lose her, so much that I didn't allow myself to think about being a mum which left me on the backfoot when she was born.

We were lucky that all of our treatment was covered by the NHS as I'm sure we were have been at around £50k, given the ivf plus the ops needed.

[Mrbay]

Also ivf can be fatal in rare cases, a lady lost her life on one of the support groups I was in.

[spongedog]

@DillonPanthersTexas

I'm a bloke and I can only comment on what I observed my wife go through and I think 'grueling' is exactly what it is. She essentially became a pin cushion, most injections she administered herself in her stomach, I had to administer a very painful injection each evening in the top of her bum. After a few weeks she was black and blue with bruises. Throw into the mix the toll of a hormonal rollercoaster, the constant visits to the clinic for blood tests, the hope after small 'wins' and the crushing disappointment after bad news it essentially physically and emotionally kicks the shit out of you.

You sound lovely. I remember my 1st evening - I had the needle pump but couldnt get it to work. My consultant called - I was confused it sounded like my uncle but wasnt - the message was clear I needed to inject that evening. Straight into my stomach. So eventually I did. Not that bad really. Eventually got the injector pump working. Ex-H turned up long after the drama - perhaps that became a pattern. It took me 5 years to get pregnant through a multitude of IVFs. My one DC is glorious. But gosh at a cost. I remember having a mini-break down at work when yet another IVF failed. There was a staff complaint - unrelated, but at the wrong time. So imagine needing to discuss with a high stress employer fertility treatment. And also to say my now ex-H might have felt the emotional side of IVF but they really didnt need to deal with the physical side.

[Backtoblack1]

Having a bruised stomach from the daily injections, having 24 litres of fluid drained from your tummy because you’ve overstimulated. It is gruelling.

but it’s so worth it x

[JP3264]

Just curious, did anyone who have a bad experience physically do short cycle/"mild" IVF?

[daysayso]

@Decaffe

So, @daysayso, are you coming back to the thread?

Do you have anything to say to the countless posters who have shared such deeply personal (and, in some cases, traumatic) experiences?

I've been here the whole time but I do work for a living and have other commitments so do not reply every second.

I am reading responses now and am grateful for them

[Speedweed]

It's gruelling because you take months/years saving for it, cutting back on things like holidays. You start to put life on hold (not booking holidays, not changing shitty jobs in case you're pregnant etc). You decide you need to be 'healthy' to give it your best shot, so you start buying and taking loads of vitamins, acupuncture, reflexology etc, so you have even less money. It takes months and months to get the starting appointment lined up, by the time you've gone through all the blood tests and scans. Then they might start testing your partner. Finally, you're ready to start injections.

An average ivf cycle has 8 to 9 appointments. Other than the first one, you don't really get much notice as it all depends on how your cycle goes, so generally you'll have to tell work what's happening. They'll start you on 'the Mummy track' immediately, even though the chances of the ivf working are slim. So you have no privacy, no cards to your chest.

During the cycle you're exhausted. The injections and side effects are horrible. It feels like you're carrying two coconuts.

And then you become aware of all the obstacles. Your ovaries might not develop any follicles. Your follicles might mature suddenly or release the eggs. The trigger injection which makes you ovulate might be mistimed. The follicles might be empty. The eggs retrieved might be immature and not fertilise. The sperm might turn out to have penetration issues, so the eggs were wasted. If you have any that fertilise, then you're into the hunger games, so the embryos might arrest before day 5. Get to day 5, and they have to be a good enough quality to freeze or transfer. If you're using frozen embryos, they have to survive the defrost. Your lining has to be the right thickness for transfer. After transfer, you have the two week wait before you know if you're pregnant. During that time, you'll be anxious that something you've done might stop an embryo implanting.

And then you might get a negative result. You may as well have thrown thousands of pounds away. Then you're doctor says I think next time we could improve your results by doing x, y, z.... You wonder how quickly you can save more money for another cycle, what else can be cut back.

It's awful.

[ittakes2]

Watch some ivf real life programmes following couples and you’ll get what is so gruelling about it.

[RyvitaBrevis]

Before I did IVF, there were 4 crushing years of TTC unsuccessfully and 2 surgeries to deal with gynaecological issues. So those things were gruelling too and it was such a relief to try something different. I think that might resonate with you?

Injections, examinations, egg collection, embryo transfer (thankfully under sedation in my case) were physically not a big deal, or if they were, they were things I could get through.

The logistics timing, appointments etc are inconvenient even with an understanding employer. If you use an NHS clinic, even more inconvenient.

It worked for us and I thank God for my child every moment. Trying IVF again without success so far but we are grateful for what we have, and we are so glad we took the leap.