To wonder why IVF is often referred to as 'gruelling'

[daysayso]

This post isn't to undermine anyone who thinks it's tough but I'm asking because I am considering it in the coming months and despite doing research I can't see what makes it so tough?

Im not saying it isn't tough btw but genuinely wanting to know what makes it so hard?

Im not talking about the emotional aspect of it and the possibility of it not working as I know about that but the logistics of it - is it painful? Ignoring the emotional aspect what makes it so hard?

Thanks in advanced

The emotional aspect was tough but for me it was injecting. I don't know how people are ok with that. Even when I got used to it, I still hated it and dreaded it. Same with the injections of fragmin after my C-sections (I had successful FETs).

Also had OHSS which hurt like hell.

I’ve done 8 fresh cycles and 2 frozen cycles, ending 10 years ago. I have 1DD from the 5th fresh cycle. PPs have pretty much covered the reasons it feels gruelling, and I suffered hyper stimulation on at least one cycle which isn’t a walk in the park. The other description is that it’s a roller coaster and that’s also true, emotionally and physically.

For me, each successive cycle involved more and more meds to tackle different problems plus lots of vitamins, no drinking etc etc. I did a lot of research myself for the vitamin side of it, though I expect the clinics offer more help there now. Half the treatments were classed as experimental too.

Physically, parts of it are fine and parts of it were uncomfortable (enlarged ovaries aren’t normal) and I became very fond of the sensation of being sedated! I think it’s just that overall, it’s such a lengthy process to go through to get pregnant that you notice everything more. And everyone is different so you don’t know how you’ll react to the drugs until you take them.

I went in with a positive outlook though, which is probably why I managed so many times, and I guess most of us do. Be aware but don’t let it put you off unnecessarily.

7 failed attempts. Now facing life as “childless not by choice” after 20+ years of TTC in all its various forms.

Physically, it was tough but not the worst thing in the world. Painful occasionally. But most people going through it are feeling very emotionally fragile which can make the physical aspect all the more painful and draining. If you’re not in a good place mentally, you can’t be in a good place physically. So in my case, and I was a total wreck, it was all I could think about and the total devastation I felt with each failure just escalated, this made my less tolerant of physical pain and strain.

@daysayso my cousin is on her 9th year and probably in excess of £100k. Are you prepared for the possibility of that?

Physically it wasn't fun - I wasn't bothered by the daily injections, but the side effects were rubbish. If you're on the long protocol, you have to go through a chemically-induced menopause over 2 weeks, which is miserable. As PPs have said, egg collection is painful - it nearly killed me the first time, when they found out I couldn't tolerate a particular form of sedation that almost stopped my heart. After that it was ok though, I had a general anaesthetic for the next 7 egg retrievals.

I have my DS (5) through IVF, it was totally worth it to me, but we have abandoned hopes for a sibling because it was just too emotionally and physically gruelling (tons of appointments, always really inconveniently-timed!). We're lucky that we have the money for it, but I couldn't bear to physically go through it again.

This is timely for me because I attended the clinic to support my eldest DC for egg collection this morning. Setting aside the obvious emotional turmoil of f trying for a child, there are multiple appointments, intimate scans, oral and injectable drugs that you need to take on specific dates. In the run up to the collection there are scans every three days and your life is on hold waiting for a call to say if you need another scan or can come in for harvesting.
The procedure itself is generally done under sedation so you can't drive or be alone for 24 hours. The cramping is not dissimilar to the sharp bilateral pains in a fast labour: enough to double you over.
Then you go home to recover from that and await a call to tell you when to go back for the next stage. And then if you need more than one cycle you go through it all again I guess. Yes, I'd call it gruelling. DC has wept every day for the last 3 weeks: hormone levels all over the place.

The medically induced menopause nearly had me jumping into the path of buses.. it is not easy

I think it really varies a lot. I had several rounds involving also different procedures, invasive exams, different drugs, three different clinics, multiple early miscarriages and basically what you would describe as few years of hell. But despite that I don't regret it and I genuinely don't think it was that difficult.
I am a very determined and organized person, so that helped mentally. It was not easy to fit all the appointments in my busy work schedule, but I managed to do it for years.
I can't honestly say that the drugs and the procedures were painful either. Yes, your stomach ends up all bruised by the injections, but it's very temporary and you get used to the daily needles. And I always had egg collection under general anesthetic - bliss! Embryo transfer was never painful for me.

For me, as well as the emotional & financial aspects.

I didn't respond typically to the meds, so ended up having blood tests every day, and multiple injections every evening. The clinic was about 20 mins from my house, but my work was in the opposite direction, and sometimes I spent over 2 hours driving to get a blood test in the morning, then driving to work, then driving to pick up the meds for evening injections.
Also - the timing for injections etc. is very precise. Like others, I had to use toilet stalls to administer the injections, and it completely cuts into your private life - if you need to inject at 8 pm, you can't do a social activity that starts at 7 pm etc.

It just dominates every aspect of your life - your daily schedule, your social life, your emotions and your finances.

I had three IVF miscarriages. It cost me £25k.

One of them put me in intensive care.

I PROMISE you that the physical part is almost entirely irrelevant compared to the sheer hell of fear that you might still not have a baby at the end.

I would’ve chopped off my legs with a rusty spoon and jumped by the end if it would’ve given me a baby.

I don’t think I can ever fully explain the toll that the combination of money, stress, time off work (teacher hahahahaha), reading about protocols, reading about miracle vitamins, sticking yourself until you’re black and blue, whipping your knickers off thrice a week, so many blood tests you have no veins left, the obsession over numbers of follicles, numbers of eggs, numbers of embryos, numbers of cells, peeing on sticks, numbers of HCG tests…

Honestly if it works for you then none of that is important. But if it doesn’t work, you can never stop. I genuinely started planning how far I could go on my credit cards before I’d lose my house. It was so all-encompassing I can’t convey it.

In the end by miracle baby didn’t come from IVF. But I think I have a form of PTSD from the years of trying to find him.

When it fails. Multiple times. Over years and tens of thousands of pounds.

One thing that makes it more difficult is that so many women having IVF will be working full time and not feel able to tell anyone in the workplace what they're going through. So they're constantly worrying about what lie they've told to who, and whether they should claim to be sick/have dentists appointments or use up all their annual leave on their appointments, and trying to conceal any side-effects. It has to make it harder.

I had three rounds to have the first child, then two children by FET from that third round too. It was not a big deal physically, and it also wasn't so bad emotionally. We had up to five fresh rounds of subsidized IVF though (only used three) so the financial strain wasn't there.

I'm a massive injection phobe and thought this was the part of the process I'd struggle with, if I was even physically able to make myself do it at all.

But I actually enjoyed it, something about for the first time feeling in control of my fertility played a part in this. For years I allowed nature to control me, and I was taking back that control. Weird maybe but still...

I got OHSS, I've never ever been in so much agony. It lasted months. My abdomen grew to 130cm and I put on a stone in fluid in four days. My lungs were being squashed, I could barely eat and was put onto codeine for the pain which I stopped after one table for the fear of even worse constipation.

My sedation didn't work during egg collection, I felt every needle collecting my 18 eggs. Putting the embryo back in however was fine. We actually got a really good result in terms of embryos.

The drugs gave me the worst constipation of my life. Add that to the OHSS and I was unbelievably miserable. This lasted until after I gave birth.

From start to egg collection I found it a breeze. Injections weren't a bother, I didn't bruise too much, no mood changes. Egg collection through to 8 weeks pp, utter hell. DD is definitely worth it though. We have however decided its too risky for me to try for another. My body was so fucked I ended up with Bells Palsy 2 days pp.

to everyone who has gone through IVF, but especially to those for whom it didnt work.

ivf is gruelling for all the reasons given above. i would also add:

• desperately trying not to catch Covid so the injections have been all for nothing if it gets cancelled
• cant plan anything fun as it may clash with ivf
• lying to friends and work as to why you can’t meet up in the evening
• praying you ovulate on a certain day (natural ivf cycle) so transfer doesn’t fall on the only day the clinic is shut
• desperate for a holiday but can’t as you need to save your annual leave

having said that rating my experiences in order of how utterly horrendous they were:

• having two ivf cycles cancelled as I didn’t respond to the drugs. I was a complete mess as I just thought ivf would never work for me.
• my third natural miscarriage before ivf started and the realisation that now Im in the unlucky 1% of women with recurrent losses
• Ivf failing for the third time and thinking ivf will never be successful
• years of infertility and thinking you will never be a mum
• all of these are emotional reasons. Which just cannot compare to the physical.

Absolutely this. I didn't use a days leave for something that wasn't fertility related for about 5 years.

I have hard to find veins so I was trying to juggle have to be done within 36/48 hours bloods with the shifts of the only nurse in the clinic who could reliably find my veins and still hold down my job.

I didn't find it particularly physically grueling (I didn't find pregnancy grueling either when I did finally get that far - but I didn't suffer the symptoms that lots of women do from either IVF or pregnancy). I was black and blue from injections and my hand was navy with bruises for months after the cannula for retrieval. My marriage grew stronger in the face of adversity but again that is not always the case.

The grueling aspects for me were definitely the emotional ones. I would have crawled over broken glass to hell and back to become a mother so a few pills and injections with only minor side effects were a breeze by comparison. But it is not a easy process. It can easily take over your life. The time, the headspace, the financial strain, the impact on your relationships (not just with your partner but with friends and family - especially if you haven't told them you are having IVF.), the hormonal ups and downs, the waiting, the fear that it won't work, the worry that even if it does work you could have a miscarriage. But that all paled into insignificance when after eight years of trying I finally got to hold my baby in my arms.

The emotional bit is the hardest. You’ve got about a 1 in 3 chance of taking home a baby so statistically, it won’t work first time. Your chances of taking home a baby decrease fairly quickly once you’ve had 3 unsuccessful rounds. I had the added complication of losing my tubes, so if IVF didn’t work, I was never going to be pregnant.

The cumulative effect of the drugs gets worse. I found my first round fine and wondered what the fuss was about. I was on my knees by my 4th, you seem to sensitise physically and emotionally to the hormones.

I’ve been fortunate to have my miracle IVF baby on our 6th round and the newborn phase, with a Velcro refluxy baby, has been a walk in the park compared to 2 years of IVF.

My IVF was a very positive experience. It worked first time so I had no reason to be anything other than optimistic and no heartbreak for me. It was still exhausting being so desperate for it to work though- it was all I thought about. Couldn't sleep. And that's the best possible scenario. The emotional strain is by far the most draining part.

I still had physical issues - mainly OHSS which delays things and causes pain. There was also bloating before I even got OHSS.

The hormones can affect people's mood but I think I was okay with that part.

It often puts strain on a relationship. Pressure, blame, effort, perceived importance to the other person. It's a very unequal partnership by its nature.

Having to get your intimate bits prodded and invaded time and time again.

We had to pay for our second child. Already had the embryo from the first NHS round so only 2k for the transfer, but at 2k a pop I was relieved it (again) worked first time. I imagine the financial aspect for some people could be extremely stressful when multiple full rounds have to be paid for.

Writing it down actually, it's fucking horrendous. The only thing that saves it is getting the baby you're desperate for!

I don’t know about this person’s experience but I was given a quick overview by a nurse and left to it, certainly nobody called me to say what time to take anything it was completely in my hands.

5 rounds of own egg ivf and 4 rounds of donor egg ivf and we are still childless, £100k poorer and the strain on our marriage has been horrific. If it works I suspect you quickly forget how gruelling it is. Sadly for me it’s been fucking horrendous and for nothing

But is it worth it? 100% because the alternative is not being a mother, not having your family and not believing you tried everything to make it happen.

Not if it doesn’t work.

Where to start…the constant poking around, the drugs, the stress, the anxiety, having to constantly take time off work for appointments, for me personally-6 hr round trip train journeys each time. There’s also being put to sleep for egg retrieval and the anxiety that comes with that, injecting yourself, constantly being on top of what meds to take and when, hormones all over the place, repeating it all again and again if it doesn’t work. The sheer cost of it…this is *Before the emotional aspect and rollercoaster ride…the wait, implanting then miscarriage, praying it sticks etc etc..we did 3 full rounds, got extremely lucky with Dd on our very final round.
It’s gruelling, yes…would I go through it all again if I had to..? Yes, definitely.

Lol!! I hope you don’t work in any job that requires empathy OP.
Let’s see: months of invasive vaginal scans, injecting yourself with hormones first thing every morning leaving huge bruises on your stomach and thighs til you run out of space. Then taking pills and inserting vaginal pessaries three times a day, often having to insert the pessaries in the toilet at work and then go out to a people facing job worrying it will fall out. Constant worry you won’t get any or enough eggs. Painful surgical intervention (holes poked in either side of your vagina) to retrieve the eggs from ovaries that are meant to produce one egg per month but are now swollen to the size of oranges and terribly painful as they’re covered in eggs.
if you’re really lucky at this stage you’ll get a reaction to egg retrieval called Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome which can kill you, and which even if it doesn’t, leaves you sick on the sofa for a week, in excruciating pain every time you pee and unable to eat anything.
then you wait 5 days to see if any of these eggs, won through weeks of pain and discomfort, actually fertilise and become viable embryos. If you get embryos, you then have a painful and embarrassing embryo transfer process where a dry speculum is forced up your vagina, and a nurse presses down on your full bladder to give the Doctor a sight of your womb. A catheter is forced inside your womb to put the embryo inside. For me this was extremely painful and took 30 mins each time as my cervix is tilted.
then you wait two weeks to see if your embryo has survived. I did this 5 times and never got pregnant.
I was also super lucky and paid £30,000 for the privilege. HTH.