To wonder why IVF is often referred to as 'gruelling'

[daysayso]

This post isn't to undermine anyone who thinks it's tough but I'm asking because I am considering it in the coming months and despite doing research I can't see what makes it so tough?

Im not saying it isn't tough btw but genuinely wanting to know what makes it so hard?

Im not talking about the emotional aspect of it and the possibility of it not working as I know about that but the logistics of it - is it painful? Ignoring the emotional aspect what makes it so hard?

Thanks in advanced

[AngelsWithSilverWings]

I'd definitely describe it as gruelling. I had four failed cycles of assisted conception 20 years ago.

1 round of IUI which resulted in a positive pregnancy test but turned out not to be viable , the next IUI cycle I had hyper stimulation and had to have some follicles drained before they would inseminate. Then two failed rounds of IVF before we gave up. A year later a surprise non assisted pregnancy ended in miscarriage. A year after that we decided to adopt. We were 8 years into TTC by that point and I was exhausted.

All of this was going on while I was trying to hold down a pretty full on job in banking and having the added pressure of funding it ourselves. The option of free NHS IVF was never offered to me and I've no idea why we never explored that.

I never felt in control at any point and I was a hormonal and emotional mess. The drugs gave me horrible headaches and the stress of administering the injections at the correct time was awful for me and DH.

I found the adoption process an absolute doddle by comparison.

[LividLaVidaLoca]

So sorry to hear this, @spinduffy

I wish there were any words to make it better.

[PortiaWithNoBreaks]

Can only echo what everyone else has said. I found the whole process one of relief followed by fear. Relief that follicles had grown; fear there would be few or poor quality eggs. Relief that the eggs were good; fear they wouldn’t fertilise. Relief the eggs fertilised; fear they would arrest and so on.

It also nearly killed me. I ended up in resuscitation in A & E 5 hours after one egg collection. My abdomen swelled hugely and I fainted at home. There was no on call gynae and the SHO said I had OHSS. It didn’t matter how much I said it was impossible to have OHSS so soon after egg collection, their lack of knowledge nearly killed me. They refused to call my IVF consultant (a Professor no less!). I was really poorly.

I was on an IV drip until a nurse came flying into my room at 6.30am the following morning in a panic. My notes had been reviewed by a senior Consultant who had just started her shift who declared it impossible for me to have OHSS and that the fluid in my abdomen must be blood and I needed emergency surgery.

A blood vessel had been nicked during egg collection. I lost 2 litres of blood into my abdomen, spent 5 days in hospital and multiple blood transfusions. So yeah, pretty gruelling.

[CurbsideProphet]

I'm due very soon with my IVF baby. I don't think I have the words to describe how hard we have found IVF.

[WoopsIdiditagain1]

I didn't find the physical side difficult. I'm very regimental. Taking the drugs. Doing things on a schedule and injecting myself wasn't an issue. Some of it was painful like the uterine scraping, the egg retrieval and some of the injection. Also the daily calls to say how many embryos survived the night. Far more painful for me was the cycle of hope, grief and failure. The loss. Its not just getting pregnant but staying pregnant. They reckon that a cycle failing is similar to a bereavement emotionally. I lost 4 babies during IVF. if had 2 fresh cycles and 4 or 5 frozen cycles. By the end of it I was nearing a breakdown. Also, what people don't tell you is that trauma doesn't just disappear (if your lucky enough to get a baby) it can stay with you. I have 2 children and I carry it with me. I had counselling throughout my ivf (which I highly recommend).

[candycaneframe]

@Gensola

The irony calling out the op for lack of empathy

IVF isn't hard for some people, so I can understand why the OP is wondering about the process and looking for real life comments around whether it's gruelling

Also you don't need to be dramatic, 'you get embryos, you then have a painful and embarrassing embryo transfer process where a dry speculum is forced up your vagina, and a nurse presses down on your full bladder to give the Doctor a sight of your womb' this is definitely not normal, I'm sorry if you went through this but to claim it's part of the process is not accurate.

[TheGlitterFairy]

So - 6 rounds of treatment and 5 surgeries here to have my DS - and one embryo still on ice; that was pretty grueling - physically, emotionally and financially. Not helped by a complication in one of the egg collections that meant I needed 2 additional surgeries 6 weeks apart.
You need to be really up for whatever is thrown at you during the course of it if it’s to be pursued. I think if it had worked after one round of treatment I would say it’s not grueling particularly but after all of the above taking a couple of years - interspersed with Covid delays - I’d say that was pretty hard. All the waiting mostly when friends were then on baby number 3 for example also didn’t help!!! You need to really want to do it to do it.

[JP3264]

I did 3 rounds of short cycle IVF and found the physical side of it to be fine. I was terrified of doing the injections, but got used to it very quickly and had no side effects. I didn't find the aftermath of egg collection painful and don't remember the procedure at all. The egg collection drugs wearing off left me feeling utterly despondent for about a day, but that was it.

Logistically, it was a nightmare. Having to do the injections at the same time every morning/night, not knowing if the morning one would clash with the appointment times given by the IVF clinic. Having to do complicated injections that involved mixing powder and liquid in a toilet with nowhere to put the stuff. Not knowing IVF appointment dates in advance and having to get cabs to go in on days when the trains weren't running. Not drinking and having to hide it from people (didn't want anyone to know if it didn't work out). Not being able to plan holidays/nights out because the dates are uncertain (depends on both your period date and how well you're responding to the drugs). Desperately trying to avoid covid so the cycle wouldn't be cancelled.

But the worst bit was the emotional side, even though I didn't actually feel desperate for children. You get really good news followed by really bad news, followed by...
Like going for a scan and being told you may have a polyp and may need to have the cycle cancelled, and then a day later it's disappeared so it's fine to go ahead. I felt like the process took over my life and sucked all the joy from it.

Not trying to put you off. I don't regret it, but I got it so wrong on what the difficult bits would be. This is my experience based on having an easy job, plenty of savings to put into it, a supportive partner, and no family commitments. Wishing you the best going forward.

[DeepDown12]

My first IVF took longer because I had a really bad reaction to the hormones they gave me to get me into the 'neutral state' - think overnight your feet are 2 sizes bigger and every step hurts. That was missed 6m, because apparently that's how long my body took to get back to normal. Then they got the meds right but wanted to do 'uterus scratching' (apparently this can increase your chances). I woke up too early, screaming in pain. Then the meds, injections *multiple, daily, constant checks, finding someone to give me the 'stop' injection in the middle of the night so that collection would work with the hospital's timetable... collection, days of waiting if there are any embryos, days of praying that at least one makes it to day 5. Then getting the embryos back, counting the days religiously injecting yourself... positive tests, positive early ultrasound...and an MMC at 13w. And yes - it cost a fortune.

[Decaffe]

So, @daysayso, are you coming back to the thread?

Do you have anything to say to the countless posters who have shared such deeply personal (and, in some cases, traumatic) experiences?

[candycaneframe]

@Decaffe

So, @daysayso, are you coming back to the thread?

Do you have anything to say to the countless posters who have shared such deeply personal (and, in some cases, traumatic) experiences?

Maybe the op has other things to do in the 3 hours since they last posted

Get a grip

[daisydoods]

I'd say they mean the emotional aspect. DD1 was IVF and I remember seeing the eggs put back on the ultrasound and just breaking down to DH because the reality of it might not work really hit home. We were one of the lucky ones

[Fimofriend]

They say they harvest your eggs. Don't let the language fool you. It is an operation.

[Phrenologistsfinger]

We’ve done 4 rounds of IVF now to bank embryos before I’m too old to make any (I’m 40). 45 eggs collected, 24 fertilised, 7 embryos and only one (1!) of those embryos is genetically ok (maybe one other). I’ve stopped testing as it’s too depressing. This has cost us £60k so far and we haven’t done any transfers yet.

the physical stuff is unpleasant - side effects of hormones, surgery, bloating, discomfort, bruises, steroids weight gain and rage, BUT the emotional and psychological impact is immense. I lose a bit more of my self each round. If I had been successful at round 1 it would have been ok, but the only factor as to whether we do a 5th round is whether it will make me certifiable or not.

It will be worth it if it works but I don’t think it will for us. So it is an awful lot to go through for potentially nothing at the end. I had no idea when I started IVF how low the chances of success actually are.

[fallinover]

@caffelattetogo

Mostly it's emotionally hard, but there are physical hardships too. The medications are hard on your body, with a medically induced menopause followed by multiple injections each day to make your follicles go into overdrive, so your ovaries go from the size of an almond to the size of an orange in two weeks. Then you have lots of hospital visits for scans (mine were daily for a while). Then you have egg retrieval, usually under heavy sedation. Then you hope the embryos can go back in, and have the transfer, followed by the dreaded 2 week wait.
It is hard, but it's also massively worth it if it works. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, but it was definitely gruelling.

The menopause symptoms gave me raging hot flushes and I was so tired I actually fell asleep at my desk at work.
I was given almost nothing for the egg retrieval and it was the most painful operation I've ever had.
I then got an ovarian cyst, which also hurt.

So physically the process wasn't great although the emotional stress is worse.

[Darbs76]

@Decaffe

So, @daysayso, are you coming back to the thread?

Do you have anything to say to the countless posters who have shared such deeply personal (and, in some cases, traumatic) experiences?

It’s been 3.5hrs! My God

[vincettenoir]

IVF can be gruelling, and it was in our case for a number of reasons.

But I do feel like it has an unjustifiably bad rep, with the assumption that it’s going to be an awful experience. However as some posters have said that isn’t also the case.

[mrs55]

done it twice and I never found it hard per say doing the injections was rough for my first because I was terrified was fine for my second never had any emotional outbursts I’d say it’s a long process and it drags until your finally ready to do the embryo transfer , and by the end when your producing a lot of eggs it’s extremely uncomfortable and I did not cope well with the egg retrieval but i wouldn’t say it’s the worst thing ever, ours worked first time both times (male factor) so I wasn’t worried about that side of things but some couples do rounds and rounds and rounds of it and are faced with nothing but lost money and no pregnancy.

[WingBingo]

@candycaneframe

She should have been put under for collection.

I wasn’t, and I still remember the pain of the egg collection. That was 15 years ago.

[Brieandcamembert]

You can't separate the emotions. I found the constant waiting "have I grown eggs, have they fertilised, will they make it to blastocyst, am I pregnant" to be more emotionally tough than anything else I've ever done. It nearly broke us both. Living cycle to cycle and the pressure to eat well etc.

The medicine made me feel awful. I was sore, bloated and so uncomfortable from the stimulation as I produced so many eggs (not a blast, most were rubbish 😂). My Injection sites were sore and I ran out of space to stick needles in myself.

I was exhausted from the 2 hour round trips to the hospital for every appointment as well.

Then it doesn't work and you psych yourself up to do it again. We did 5 rounds. I'm pleased I did as I had to try but my god it was tough. I'm a pretty resilient human too.

[IhateHermioneGranger]

@NCFT0922

@daysayso my cousin is on her 9th year and probably in excess of £100k. Are you prepared for the possibility of that?

I think most couples set a target of how many cycles they are prepared to go through. Shame the clinic that your cousin is at haven't said "maybe it is time to stop?".

[robertpaulson]

@IVFGotThis05

It's not always physically hard... but you do have to do injections, sometimes two different sets, the medication your given can give you terrible side effects and the egg collection can sometimes be painful. It's all dependant. But yes, usually when people are discussing their journey with IVF it's most likely the emotional aspect that is the hardest. Oh and the wait !!! The wait for everything is the hard part too.

Two week wait until the next two week wait ad infinitum!

[jessieminto]

@daysayso for me it was the appointments every other day during a round of treatment, on the way to work so getting up an hour and a half early to go to clinic and still running late for work. Not once or twice but every other day for 6 weeks at a time.

Then rushing home to inject because we had a 1 hr window to do it at the same time each day. So I couldn't make back my lateness at work either.

Never knowing what happens next because you're waiting for results of what is happening right now to be analysed before they decide what happens next.

Knowing how much money this costs, that you are on your last round and 'everything' is riding on it.

Having other people flippantly remind us that we could always adopt, like adoptees are a consolation prize, knowing full well how being adopted impacted 3 close family members and how emotionally fucked up they are over it. Even though they've had lovely lives etc.

Managing DH's emotions as well as my own.

[Snowpaw]

I've just thought of a random side effect I also got every time I did the drugs - blepharitis. Apparently blepharitis is common in women of menopausal age as its related to changes in hormones, so it can be triggered when women are going through IVF. It was annoying to deal with; I had to keep bathing my eyelids in hot water.

[IhateHermioneGranger]

Better than infertility.