To wonder why IVF is often referred to as 'gruelling'

[daysayso]

This post isn't to undermine anyone who thinks it's tough but I'm asking because I am considering it in the coming months and despite doing research I can't see what makes it so tough?

Im not saying it isn't tough btw but genuinely wanting to know what makes it so hard?

Im not talking about the emotional aspect of it and the possibility of it not working as I know about that but the logistics of it - is it painful? Ignoring the emotional aspect what makes it so hard?

Thanks in advanced

I've had 6 rounds of ivf abroad.

The absolute terror of what you're putting your body through. You have to inject your body with really hard core drugs. The bloating, the tiredness, the getting the timings right.

If you're going abroad you have to consider timings, going to a foreign country and all that entails.

The waiting is the absolute worst. You're waiting for the clinic to answer you're questions, tell you what your protocol is and explain how it works. Waiting for your next injection. Waiting for your test results, is everything optimal? What if it isn't? Do you have to abandon your round? Doing so wastes your drugs which can cost hundreds or thousands of pounds.
Waiting for your scan. How many eggs are developing? Will they be mature? How many will fertilise?
Do you even tell people you're doing IVF? People can be abhorrently cruel, dismissive, offer shit advice that you didn't ask for. You feel so alone.
You need to be put under for your egg collection. Terrifying.
You need to wait for 5 days to see how many of your eggs survived to become blastocysts. You can't eat, you're bursting into tears with worry.
Is the sperm sample good enough? Is my uterine lining thick enough to support implantation?

Transfer day. Sometimes it hurts. You feel so overwhelmed because you have 1, 2 or even 3 blastocysts inside you and you have to wait two fucking weeks more to see if these tiny potential babies are implanting.

You're willing your babies to survive, while knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do but wait. You have dreams, nightmares about your babies.

Test day arrives and it is negative. Your babies died inside you. You grieve the loss of the potential lives that didn't make it. You break down. It is too hard. You can't do it again.

I did it five more times. It gets harder every time. You sort of become numb to it, you're going through the motions at this point. But also, the grief piles up. You count all the blastocysts that died inside you. You grieve for every single one.

Your friends say things like "stop trying so hard!" Or "it isn't meant to be" or "why are you so upset, it wasn't an actual baby".

You dream about holding your babies and wake up realising you're not pregnant. I probably had dreams like that a hundred times.

IVF is the hardest thing I've ever done. It took us to some really dark places. It takes a toll on you financially, emotionally and physically.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with a daughter. I wouldn't wish IVF on my worst enemy. But sometimes it is a choice we have to make because naturally just isn't an option. That is why I run a support group on Facebook. Because IVF warriors need all the help and support they can get!

This - absolutely. It is an invasive procedure with fairly significant (albeit rare) risks, as the poster who had their blood vessel nicked has detailed. I was one of the few who had a uterine infection afterwards (which the clinic were not transparent about). It took me months and multiple antibiotic courses to fully recover.

you seem incredibly naïve op - my friend had 5 courses of ivf. 3 lead to implantation, 1 lead to a pregnancy that failed at 7 weeks
£30 000 and 5 years of grubbing round for money, for delayed egg retrieval as they weren't ready or didn't ripen at all or ...
She is still childless

i mean 3 lead to developing enough to transfer, only the 1 took. And didn't stick around

@candycaneframe But that is pretty much what they do, do during transfer 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's the anxiety of waiting, for phone calls, for results, for testing. It's intense.

Don’t worry @Howdoyounotgiveup, it seems @candycaneframe likes stirring the pot, quite rudely too.

The issue is everyone is different

I didn't find it painful, not one aspect was painful

But some on this post had a lot of pain

It will be individual to you

Except it's not

No one pressed on my full bladder during both transfers

Your experience isn't universal

It's silly to claim it is

@WingBingo

If you had ivf 15 years ago kindly your view on it will be outdated since so much will have changed

It's awful that some women went through collection without being out under, but it's a bit silly to tell the OP to watch out as you'll feel the egg collection because if she undergoes ivf now she will be put under

@Decaffe

Oh pipe down

Egg retrieval can be excruciating - depending on what the trust policies are for the procedure. Otherwise, I would say emotionally gruelling for many.

I can't quite find the right words to describe the desperation, stress and heartfelt agony of infertility. IVF gave me my beautiful beautiful boy this year but it's luck that it worked. The sheer joy I feel holding him today is balanced by the depths of despair I suffered with every loss.

I did not have my IVF in the UK and it is routine where I had it that no anaesthetic or sedation is given for collection. Only a paracetamol afterwards. They said it would take 15 minutes from start to finish but they were still going 55 minutes later. Only 5 eggs even collected. I don't think I'm quite over it, not sure I ever will be.

I had my last cycle of three over 20 years ago. Of the three egg retrievals two were under GA and the final under sedation. I did have period li,e cramps after all three.

@candycaneframe

I have had 5 rounds of IVF and the first 4 were under awake sedation, it was standard at the clinic I was at and still is so not guaranteed to be put under.

I got given the option at CRGH. I chose sedation but essentially I was totally out

I worked with the husband of a lovely couple who under went multiple cycles.
He had to listen to us talking about future plans, holidays, savings, time off, getting pregnant easily, avoiding getting pregnant, etc while his life was utterly dominated by IVF - the cruel lottery, the weighing up how much a 20% chance of success was financially worth. Each failure. Each horrific miscarriage along with collecting their strength for another round.
They did have a wonderful little boy but it certainly tore a hole in their marriage. It brought out the best but nearly broke them.
And I think it made us as his work colleagues really appreciate how strong would be parents can be.

This can't be that common since every mainstream clinic, chain and even the NHS guide on IVF clearly specify you'll be under sedation and not conscious during egg retrieval.

Although good shout for the OP, definitely make sure the clinic you use doesn't think it's acceptable for women not to be sedated for egg retrieval

I've never had fertility problems and can see why it would be don't know how anyone can't

If it works first time you might find it fine. If it doesn’t it becomes absolutely horrendous. The sheer number of appointments, the mental anguish, the financial strain. It was worse than I was expecting by a LONG way.

Not all protocols induce menopause.
In retrospect I found it quite easy, but that’s because I had all the children I wanted (4 cycles, two babies), free treatment and zero complications. In other scenarios it’s certainly very tough.
Otherwise, for most people, IVF is the culmination of their journey of trying to have children, either because it works and therefore is the darkness before the dawn, or it doesn’t or is followed by miscarriage and having to accept childlessness.

It was Bourn hall, I didn't even realise until I moved clinics that it wasn't the norm. It didn't cause me any problems as all though I was awake I didn't actually feel anything or experience any pain and the nurses spoke to me whilst it was happening as a distraction. I definitely wouldn't have gone back 4 times if it had been painful.

We have had fresh IVF cycles 3 times, have a 8 year old, 5 year old and one on the way (also had some failed frozen transfers)

My wife was not put under for any of these. She had anaesthetic but was awake and with it for every single needle retrieving the eggs. It wasn't strong enough and she felt pain with it, so preparing someone that this may be the case for them isn't a bad thing.

I've has 5 cycles of IVF and spent in excess of £50k. I didn't find the physical side particularly difficult even though I had quite high doses of stim medication and lots of other injections on top. The constant travelling to and from the clinic, dealing with time off work, lots of tests etc can get quite stressful and the emotional side of a failed cycle is really tough and hard on a relationship. All worth it for me as I now have 2 DC.

My cycles were 12-15 years ago. I requested sedation for my egg retrievals because the default was a general anaesthetic. I don't react well to generals so avoid them as much as possible, where as light sedation puts me well and truly under. The anaesthetist commented on what a sensible choice it was and how he thought more women should choose sedation (if nothing else it was several hundred pounds cheaper) so it's good to hear that it seems to be the default these days.