AIBU?
Wedding plus one
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 17:51
Hi everyone!
I received an invitation to a good friend's wedding but there wasn't a plus one. My partner and I have been together for a year and we have recently moved in togther and so I had assumed he would be invited.
I was going to reach out to my friend and ask that as it appears to be a smaller and intimate ceremony and meal, would it be possible for me to invite my partner along for the larger evening reception and I will pay whatever the cost is for an evening guest.
I appreciate weddings are a bit of a minefield with many people having different opinions, but this is a good friend of 20+ years and if the tables were turned, I would feel quite upset if I was unable to attend the wedding of my partners good friend.
Thanks everyone in advance for any advice/opinions.
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2022 17:53
I would decline if my husband/partner wasn’t invited too.
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 17:54
Hi,
I should have added, I know of a few guests, perhaps 3 or 4 but not well enough to join their table for the evening.
Hollywolly1 · 25/09/2022 17:56
Tbh it is really rude of your friend to expect you to go on your own,even if you had no partner it really should be a plus one
Gensola · 25/09/2022 17:57
I would also decline if my husband wasn’t invited. We invited all our guest’s +1s even when we hadn’t met them because we wanted to be good hosts.
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 17:58
Having spoken to my friend about the wedding before recieving the invite, I was made aware that it was going to be a small ceremony and meal but a further 100 people would be coming for the evening reception.
Mumdiva99 · 25/09/2022 17:59
Hollywolly1 · 25/09/2022 17:56
Tbh it is really rude of your friend to expect you to go on your own,even if you had no partner it really should be a plus one
Of course it isn't rude to invite on person to a party.
The bride and groom can ask who they like. They don't have to plus one. They might not have space to plus one.
Either go and talk to others or don't go. But don't ask for an extra person to go.
Crappydoo · 25/09/2022 17:59
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2022 17:53
I would decline if my husband/partner wasn’t invited too.
Why? What do you think might happen? A year isn't that long so I'm assuming OPs friend doesn't know their partner that well. If I was having an intimate wedding I wouldn't really want someone there that I didn't know very well regardless of cost.
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 17:59
I completely agree. While I'm not engaged, when the time comes I will absolutely be making sure all my guests are able to bring a partner. In my opinion it's just curtesy but I do appreciate people have different views on this.
holidaynightmare · 25/09/2022 18:00
One of the girls I work with got married and we are a team of 11 girls so excluding bride 10
We had a table at the wedding all day us 10 girls then we were told our partners could come at night but they couldn't afford everyone to the sit down meal
Some people tho don't have e yea guests at night so they're maybe trying to keep it small and keep costs down
KosherDill · 25/09/2022 18:00
No. It is a massive insult to your host to imply that what they are offering is so substandard that you will pay out of your own pocket to upgrade their hospitality.
If you can't make conversation with people under the same roof for a few hours, without a partner, it would be better to decline. No one is owed a plus-one.
Stopsnowing · 25/09/2022 18:01
I think it would be ok to ask if your dp could come to the evening reception if you paid but you should be able to get through the earlier part on your own.
Gensola · 25/09/2022 18:01
@Crappydoo I don’t think anything would “happen” but I have no desire to spend money travelling to a wedding, outfit, shoes, drinks there etc maybe also staying over without DH. He works six days a week and I work 5, our free time is really precious and I would decline a wedding where I was being expected to attend without him. A really close friend or family member would obviously invite him, so if it’s a less close friend or work colleague I would decline.
KosherDill · 25/09/2022 18:02
If I was having an intimate wedding I wouldn't really want someone there that I didn't know very well regardless of cost.
This too.
One of my friends of 30+ years has been dating a new guy since the pandemic started; I haven't seen her since 2020 or ever met him. If I were to get married in the next year or so I certainly wouldn't want him, a stranger, at my wedding.
Lcb123 · 25/09/2022 18:03
I think it’s ruder to offer to pay yourself. Bride and groom can invite who they want
Nephthys21 · 25/09/2022 18:04
I was invited to a friend's wedding without +1. Same with a few friends who were going so we hung out together and chatted to others. Hubby got to stay at home with the toddler 😄
gobbynorthernbird · 25/09/2022 18:05
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 17:59
I completely agree. While I'm not engaged, when the time comes I will absolutely be making sure all my guests are able to bring a partner. In my opinion it's just curtesy but I do appreciate people have different views on this.
Easy to say when you don't yet have a budget, are not dealing with family politics, and don't even have a fiance to give an opinion as to who they would want there.
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 18:05
It's interesting to hear everyone's opinion on this and I respect them all.
I think perhaps it's best not to offer to pay the evening cost for my partner to attend as the last thing I want to do is to cause any offence to my friend.
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 18:07
This is why I said "when the time comes"
If it meant having a wedding later rather than sooner to ensure I could afford to give my guests plus ones then so be it.
ThinWomansBrain · 25/09/2022 18:15
Seems rude - fair enough to invite just you for the "intimate meal" if it's only a small group - but the evening do with 100+ guests?
LavendersBlue32 · 25/09/2022 18:18
candycaneframe · 25/09/2022 18:12
YABU
Why would you ask? That's extremely rude
I disagree.
I think its rude to invite one of your close friends to your wedding and not invite their partner who they live with. I can appreciate the small intimate ceremony and meal, but there will be a further 100 people coming to the evening reception.
candycaneframe · 25/09/2022 18:19
@LavendersBlue32
It's their event
You don't ask to pay for your own plus one, you don't mention it at all
It's ghastly you even considered it.
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