Wedding plus one

The fact you keep repeating that you live together is a bit strange.

You've still only been together a year and if you're friends of 20 years I'd guess she's met a lot of other people in that time more important to her than your boyfriend.

I was trying to remember whether we've been to any weddings where my partner wasn't invited and I have.

Friends for a long time but not super close. Evening invite and husband not invited. Some here would have had the bride and groom in front of a firing squad for such behaviour. I didn't care because I'm not entitled, enjoy events without him and understand the numbers issues.

I even had to buy my own drinks. My god, the horror!

That's really shit hosting though.

It’s a one off occasion. Surely you can forgo such precious time together for one evening? If not then I think you sound a bit intense.

You're in what is a relatively new relationship. I can see why you'd prefer to have you boyfriend invited but I don't think you should've had any expectation of it. They've probably been planning the wedding longer than you've been together and may not have any additional space now. Or they've decided longer term couples are the ones with plus ones invited (if there are other plus ones). Again, I do get why you'd want him there but it's understandable why they haven't invited him.

Even if you offer to pay there is no way they will actually accept your money you must know that- how shamed would that make them feel? Imagine you posting a cheque for £25? so they would basically have to say yes and foot the bill themselves.
And also what then if ten others people ask for the same?
if they are having a very intimate ceremony then surely their evening invites will be full of people that know and like but can’t fit into the main do.

I’m afraid either go and be sociable and trust they will put you on a table with nice people or decline (and perhaps don’t say you are declining because you cannot possibly attend an event without your boyfriend).

the only caveat might be if they aren’t aware you have a partner who is serious for you to be living with them. But if that’s the case then why are you deemed close enough to be one of the daytime limited number invites?

Some seem to see it as the Op is being precious. It's more about who do you sit with, who do you dance with, feeling like a spare part. I hated going to weddings alone, no chance would I do it when I have a partner.
Maybe different if you are going with a group of colleagues or friends. But generally I'd say No wedding is an invite not a summons.

Hi @LavendersBlue32. A few years back me and some friends were invited to a wedding but none of our husbands or partners were. A few were brave enough to ask about it and she said they just didn't have space for all the plus ones. I went but it was definitely weird without DH, travelling alone etc (was a couple of hours' drive). I left quite early on in the evening, mainly because of being stone cold sober and thinking about driving home alone. If DH had been invited, I'm sure we would've stayed over and partied late into the night! Some others in our group declined the invitation altogether.
Similarly, my mum has been invited to a wedding later in the year without a plus one. It's in a rural location, so I will be driving her there, trying to find something to do all day nearby and then picking her up later. I'll do it because she really wants to go, but it's not ideal.
So I think it might be more common than you think, and whilst you're entitled to be a bit put out, it's probably nothing personal.
Not something I would do myself though, I think giving plus ones makes it more likely that your guests will turn up, feel comfortable and enjoy themselves. We had every man and his dog at our wedding reception!

Funny to hear people who are not married who are adamant they will have plus ones for all and sundry .... wait until you're sitting with a budget and a seating chart trying to keep everyone happy before you comment....

And everyone who's single gets a new boyfriend and half the ones in relationships split up and half of them then get back together in the run up to the day

@BloodAndFire I don't agree it's shit hosting.
It was a small wedding and afternoon reception at a very expensive and lovely venue. I would never have expected a full day invite.
The bride had met my husband once (at our wedding) and the groom never. I'd met the groom once as we lived 200 miles apart. If I saw my friend, he wasn't there. That's fine IMO.

Are you local op? As in are you having o pay out for a single room and drive 5 hour each way? Our further away friends had their plus1 for the day and local friends didn't because logistically, they would travel together. A friend who knew no one def got a plus one.

At this point it doesn't sound like your friendship will survive so there might be no harm in askinv and seeing if you feel she's appropriately contrite and i

Ask them if they'd mind if he came along to the evening do if someone drops out.

@girlmom21 that's exactly it!!!! I used to laugh at 'no ring, no bring' but now it makes sense!

One of my friends has someone bring along his girlfriend of 2 weeks to their wedding without even asking them and just expected her to be accommodated, absolutely crazy

@LavendersBlue32 are you going to the hen?
If so, you will meet the bride's other close friends there. The hens tend to gravitate towards each other at the wedding and you might even be sat with them.

I mean this kindly but if you aren't invited to the hen do then you possibly aren't still as close friends as you think.

Not going cos you can't get childcare or your child can't cope without you in the night isn't really the same as declining because your partner can't....

Together for a year and moved in together is hardly a long term serious relationship imo. They might have a no ring no bring rule. They might have disliked him when they've met him. They might be prioritising friends and relatives. Who knows! It's an intimate ceremony, then an extra 100 guests? Who knows if that could end up at 150 if they added plus ones. It's an invitation, you don't have to go if you don't want to.

Having planned a wedding, plus ones are just an absolute minefield. I wouldn't be giving plus ones to someone who'd been together a year, regardless of them living together. If you've been friends for 20+ years you must know other guests?

If she's already had the hen surely the wedding is imminent and you got together too late for him to be included?

I was invited to a wedding recently without a plus one. My friend whose wedding out was then happened to meet me and my f on a pub and then realised we were in a relationship and really contacted me apologising and inviting him to. Do the Martin couple know you have boyfriend?

*marrying couple’

My Mom was with her partner 30+ years with a child, dog and house. Not married. Refusing to invite him as a plus one because she hasn't got married too is frankly ridiculous

You didn't meet anyone at the hen then?
I dunno, maybe I'm weird but I got on well with a few hens at the last hen I went on and we hung out lots at the wedding.